About IMAO

Giving money to Frank J. makes you happy!

Buy funniest book ever!

IMAO Podcasts
IMAO Merchandise and Newsletter

Cool shirts, mugs, stickers, and what-not!

About IMAO
Then conquer we must, for our cause is just, 
And this be our motto--'In God is our trust.' 
And the star-spangled banner in triumph doth wave 
O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave.

If you want to send something by snail mail, e-mail with subject "P.O. Box" to get mail information for Frank J. and SarahK.

About Frank J.

Frank J.
Cadet Happy
Laurence Simon

Popular Categories
Fred Thompson Facts
John Edwards Fabulous Facts
IMAO Condensed
Know Thy Enemy
Frank the Artist
In My World
Other Content
Ode to Violence
Brief Histories
IMAO Audio Bits

Read the Essay
Own the Shirt
Peace Gallery
Search IMAO
Web www.imao.us
"All quotes attributed to me on IMAO are made up... including this one."
-Glenn Reynolds

"Unfunny treasonous ronin!"
-Lou Tulio*

"You, sir, are a natural born killer."
-E. Harrington

"You'll never get my job! Never!!!"
-Jonah Goldberg

"In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth. And He did despair, for in His omniscience, He did know that His creations had but three-fifths of the splendor of that which would be IMAO."
-No One of Consequence

"A blogger with a sense of humor."
-Some Woman on MSNBC
Ace of Spades HQ
The Anti-Idiotarian Rottweiler
Captain's Quarters
Classical Values
Conservative Grapevine
The Corner
The Daily Gut (with Jim Treacher!)
Dave in Texas
Eject! Eject! Eject!
Electric Venom
Hot Air
Puppy Blender
La Shawn Barber's Corner
Michelle Malkin
Protein Wisdom
Rachel Lucas
Right Wing News
Serenity's Journal
Townhall Blog

IMAO Blogroll
Bad Example
Cadet Happy
The Flying Space Monkey Chronicles
mountaineer musings
Right Wing Duck
SarahK & Cadet Happy snark TV
This Blog Is Full of Crap

Fred Thompson Links
Fred File
Blogs for Fred
Fred Thompson Facts


January 31, 2005
Frank Does Cat Blogging
Posted by Frank J. at 12:01 PM | View blog reactions | Comments (46)

I know this cat blogging thing is popular, but I'm a dog person. Still, I gots me a cat so I might as well blog about her.

Here she is eating from Minerva's food bowl even though I keep telling her not to.

"That's adult food not meant for kittens! Bad goober!"

(For the uninitiated, Minerva is SarahK's cat, and the beautiful SarahK is currently staying with me until she finds an apartment here in lovely Melbourne, FL).

Anyway, my cat is named Sydney. I named her after Sydney Bristow, the heroine of Alias, in an attempt to still keep some masculinity while owning a female cat. She's only a little kitten now, and still small enough for me to engulf her entire head in my hand, pick her up by it, and crush her if I ever tire of her.

Anyhoo, first thing I learned about cats is they ain't dogs. Like if you charge a dog yelling and screaming, the dog will understand it's time to run away in a game of chase. A kitten, on the other hand, will just stand there staring at you. In a way, a cat is more like a dog with autism. Sydney mainly ignores everything going around about her and attacks random little things with intense purpose. She suddenly darts to and fro, jumping from piece of furniture to piece of furniture, with no actual destination to her frenetic activity.

Incidentally, she hasn't quite got the jumping down, and will quite often just slam right into a wall. Or, worse, she won't quite make it by the jump alone and then I hear this desperate clawing to make up the difference. My furniture!

She does interact with Minerva, though, through the form of dive tackles. Sydney will find some high vantage point and then attack Minerva. Minerva, being a regular sized cat, is quite larger and will usually get Sydney in a headlock and start kicking her in the head. Good for Minerva. They'll fight everywhere, and it's a good thing I paid extra for that thick nawgahide cover for my pool table. Incidentally, I used to think Minerva, a year and a half old cat, was a bit of a spaz, but now she seem like a wise elder in comparison to Sydney (except that time I peed on her head and it was all her fault). Minerva moves slowly with purpose compared to Sydney randomly darting everywhere.

Can you train cats? Anytime I'm trying to eat at my coffee table, Sydney jumps up to try and steal some food. Now, with any dog, a good smack along with a shout of, "No!" is taken quite seriously. With Sydney, she doesn't seem to understand an angry tone of voice or even the meaning of being struck. If I hit her on the head and yell, "No!" and then point at her, she'll just try and bite my finger. No yelling or smacking seems to make her understand how totally un-hitler that is. Hey, Sydney, you only weigh like a pound. I could easily crush you. Comprehende?

What annoys me most about cats is how hard it is to gauge their moods. A dog has a variety of expressions plus different barks, whines, yelps, and growls. As I learned from Minerva, a cat has pretty much just one meow... which she uses for every occasion. Sydney, though, is mainly a mute. When she does make a sound - usually reserved for when I try to pick her up and be nice to her - she doesn't even have a proper meow. For some reason, that bothers me. I'm not a cat person, but I at least want a proper meow. Instead, Sydney has a little monkey squeak. No resemblance to a cat sound whatsoever. Actually, with the way she is always trying to grab at things with her paws, she seems a lot like a monkey. Sometimes I wonder if someone made up that story of finding her in the parking lot at work and was really just trying to get rid of a weird gray monkey.

The other sound Sydney makes is a purr. It's a constant noise that modulates with her breathing, making her sound like a car that's trying over and over to start. That noise occurs usually anytime I'm near her. My best guess is that's its purpose is to work as a warning beacon to keep me from stepping on the little thing in the dark.

It only works so-so.

The other noise I've heard her make is a little growl. This is only used at Minerva in defense of a dropped piece of avocado.

So, Sydney isn't much in the sound department. You'd think she'd make up for that by being quite expressive. Well, here are all of Sydney's expressions:

Sydney happy

Sydney sad

Sydney angry

Sydney confused

Sydney scared

Sydney realizing the purposelessness of life

Sydney gassy

I guess she also has some body language, such as arching her back to make her look larger. I've seen her do that and then run at Minerva sideways. It was one of the most awkward looking things I've seen; she was like some weird lizard they'd show on the Discovery channel.

When she's not bothering Minerva, Sydney follows me everywhere, always tempting fate as she runs underneath my feet. She even once tried to get in the shower with me (that was funny). Every morning, I'll find her on my bed trying to bite my toes. If I ever try to pet her or pick her up, she runs away, though. Fine, I didn't want to pet you anyway, you stupid cat.

All in all, these few weeks living with cats has made me even more of a dog person. One night I was woken up by some strange sounds. I turned the light on to discover that Minerva had learned how to open my gun closet by pulling at it from underneath with her paws. She still has to crack the safe, but that's only a matter of time.

I really need a dog to keep an eye on those two.

Rating: 2.4/5 (22 votes cast)

Email This | Add to del.icio.us | Digg this | StumbleUpon Toolbar Stumble It!

Buy IMAO T-Shirts

IMAO T-Shirts

The IMAO T-Shirt Babe
(winning picture) YOU BUY NEW SHIRTS NOW!!!
Yay! Books!

By Category
American Idol
Barackalypse Now
Best of IMAO 2002
Best of IMAO 2006
Bite-Sized Wisdom
Election 2008
Filthy Lies
Frank Answers
Frank Discussions
Frank on Guns
Frank Reads the Bible
Frank the Artist
Fred Thompson Facts
Friday Cat-Blogging
Fun Trivia
Hellbender Take Two
Hillary Clinton Terrible Truths
I Hate Frank
If I Were President
ignis fatuous
IMAO Condensed
IMAO Exclusives
IMAO for the Non-Deaf
IMAO Reviews
IMAO Think Tank
In My World
In My World - Fan Fiction
John Edwards Fabulous Facts
Know Thy Enemy
Michael Moore
Mitt Romney Ads
News Round-Up
Newsish Fakery
No, McCain't
Our Military
Permalink Contest
Precision Guided Humor Assignments
Ron Paul, Ron Paul, Ron Paul
Ronin Profiles
Ronin Thought of the Day
SarahK's TV stuff
Scary Evil Monkey
Simpsons Trivia
Songs & Poems
State of the Frank Report
Totally True Tidbits
WEsistance Is Facile
Why Me Laugh?
Yvonne's Ashes
By Month
December 2008
September 2008
August 2008
July 2008
June 2008
May 2008
April 2008
March 2008
February 2008
January 2008
December 2007
November 2007
October 2007
September 2007
August 2007
July 2007
June 2007
May 2007
April 2007
March 2007
February 2007
January 2007
December 2006
November 2006
October 2006
September 2006
August 2006
July 2006
June 2006
May 2006
April 2006
March 2006
February 2006
January 2006
December 2005
November 2005
October 2005
September 2005
August 2005
July 2005
June 2005
May 2005
April 2005
March 2005
February 2005
January 2005
December 2004
November 2004
October 2004
September 2004
August 2004
July 2004
June 2004
May 2004
April 2004
March 2004
February 2004
January 2004
December 2003
November 2003
October 2003
September 2003
August 2003
July 2003
June 2003
May 2003
April 2003
March 2003
February 2003
January 2003
December 2002
November 2002
October 2002
September 2002
August 2002
July 2002
March 1933