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February 07, 2005
Frank Reads the Bible: Genesis 1-3
Posted by Frank J. at 12:56 PM | View blog reactions | Comments (114)

So I gots me a nice new Bible (New King James Version). Originally, I was like, "What do I need a Bible for? I'm Catholic!" When people say, "What Jesus said was..." I interrupt and say, "But more importantly, what the pope said was..."

Still, I checked the list of Vatican approved books and the Bible was on it. So, I thought I'd give it a look-see and find out what all the hub-bub is all about.

I decided to begin with the section Genesis (GEN-EE-SUS) for some reason. Taking it slow, I read just the first three chapters. This was written by Moses, BTW, which is good to know so if I don't like the prose I have someone to blame.

Anyway, I have a number of observations so far. First off, the start gives no information on what existed before the big bang and how many spatial dimensions there were.

Also, I noticed that what God did each day in creating the world ended with Him observing, "It was good." It wasn't great... but it wasn't poor either. It was just "good." That makes me wonder if God really spent all of each day working on the world or would He just fiddle around for part of the day and say, "Well, that's good enough. I'm going for a smoke."

The really disturbing part, though, is the whole Adam and Eve and the forbidden fruit thing. At first glance, this is the clearest case of entrapment in all of history; I mean, God puts this tree with fruit for seemingly no other purpose than to punish Adam and Eve when they eat it. But then you get to thinking why in the world is God trying to pin some trumped up charges on Adam and Eve when he just created them?

Yeah, I think you see where this is going. The whole thing was just a setup to catch a bigger fish - namely, the devil. God creates this perfect place, an Eden if you will, with the Adam and Eve and the forbidden fruit as obvious targets for the devil to spoil it all. Then God says, "It's the seventh day, so I'm going to sleep. Yep, won't be paying attention at all (wink) (wink)." Then the devil, in the guise of a serpent, completely falls for it. Then God is like, "Gotcha! Knew you were against me from the start! Let's see you weasel your way out of this one!"

After His triumph, God realizes he still has Adam and Eve to deal with, so He sets them on their way out of Eden (which takes just too much upkeep). That dealt with, He drinks a beer.

And it was good.

So - and I'm not saying this is necessarily true - it looks like humanity is just a byproduct of an elaborate sting operation on the devil. Pretty heavy, huh?

This is why you take the Bible in small chunks.

Rating: 2.1/5 (26 votes cast)

Frank Reads the Bible
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