Send her up here to me Massachusetts, if you can't handle the playfulness of a kitten :)

Usually you can find a good bog behind the local nuclear plant. That is where i train all my pets...

Head about 2.5 hours SW. I hear there's a big bog over there. Of course gators will probably get her. But it's still good training.

Well, all the lefties said that Afghanistan and Iraq were quagmires. Is a quagmire good enough?

Don't be such a wuss.

I should mention that I'm a cat psychic and I'm just channeling her thoughts to you. No Charge of course.

Personally, I would try to avoid the bog of eternal stench. it's too long term

In Florida you can't find a usable bog? Does it have to be a bog? A swamp won't work?

You can usually find someone with a pet snake that can arrange a little 'accident'...

If you don't mind taking out a hit on on a cat.

Could SMITE be used? Maybe put a dunce cap on the kitten and a "No Blood for Oil!" t-shirt?

I always like throwing the cat against the wall if it attacks me in my sleep.

Oh and Laura where in MA? I'm from western MA.

You don't need a bog. Just stick tape to the bottom of the cat's feet...

(yes, that IS cruel, my calc based physics instructor told my class about it though)

You could try just shutting the bedroom door to keep her out. If she can figure out how to open the door then you can brag that your cat is smarter than the posters at DU.

I seem to remember Yoda living in quite the bog on Degobah. Anyway, I still don't quite understand why you got a cat. Sure, Sarahk has one, but you could have gotten a dog to annoy her cat...

I have some relatives who've got a bog in Co. Mayo, Ireland. It's definitely out of the way...though you probably don't want to travel that far to throw a cat in a bog.

Why toss a perfectly usable kitten in a bog when it is so easy to bring the bog to her? Frank... sleep with a fully-loaded, bog-infested watergun and earn your peaceful nights sleep the way we do in the red states.

Perhaps this is a demon kitty who would love a bog. You should be affraid he will come back with a few of his demon kitty friends...

(since you have a bible)

Luke 11:24-26

"When an unclean spirit goes out of a man, he goes through dry places, seeking rest; and finding none, he says, 'I will return to my house from which I came.'25 And when he comes, he finds it swept and put in order.26 Then he goes and takes with him seven other spirits more wicked than himself, and they enter and dwell there; and the last state of that man is worse than the first."
NKJV

Az is right - you need to punish immediately, so she knows what it's for. Cats, sad to say, just ain't all that bright.

Try keeping a small bog in a wading pool out on the patio.

or in the bath tub, that might work . . .

Frank, when you visit your parents in Idaho, swing down to Utah. My backyard IS a bog. Which has helped greatly for training my cats, dog, and children.

Well in England 'bog' is slang for toilet, so you could just flush Sydney down the crapper. That'd learn her.

Well, there's http://www.basilsblog.net/.

What? Oh, an out-of-the-way bog? Ah. Hmmm. Umph.

Nevermind.

Send her to Howard Dean.
And no, I don't think anyone will get the joke, aside from the 3 people that read my blog.

Hmm...I suggest polling the bogosphere.

There's always the blender, too, you know. Its not like a puppy, after all.

Try the blender. Cat -- the other white meat!!

Would a boiling cauldron work?
Oh, I see you have already tried that...
http://www.mountaineermusing.com/2005/02/i-love-trident.html

cats thats kind of a gay pet for the warrior class?

You've heard, perhaps, of the everglades?

I personally hate cats, so my opinion might be a little prejudice. I have always thought that the best way to discipline a cat is with a white-hot iron rod. A MK-19 works as well, but leave less of the newly disciplined cat behind.

Get a squirt gun. Get it now.

Use the "command voice" with the squirt gun, only when appropraite, i.e. catching them in the act.

Trust me.

Oh, and nighttime? Kick them out and shut the bedroom door.

A use for your cat:

http://screenclean.j1media.com/lick.html

Frank, use your brain man. Ask yourself what is it that cats want (hint-the answer is the opposite of what you want). That's why cats always follow and rub up on people who don't like them, why they won't let you pet them if you want to pet them, then climb your frame and forceably sit in your lap if you don't want them there. I have 3 kittens and would love it if they slept with me. My husband doesn't care for it because he isn't able to be still and they chase & attack his feet but doesn't have to worry since that is the time I really really want the kitties to come around...they stear clear. So I've learned that there is a cure all...when they are climbing on you wanting petting or to sit in the lap or play when you are not in the mood, simply embrace snuggle n love up on (ok exaggerate it too) the kitty and they will run away and not come back. This is probably the only time you will find that "make love not war" actually works because cats are asses.

This is a simple one: Have Ted Kennedy give her a ride. He'll find a bridge and a bog or other body of water, no trouble.

As one who opposes any cruel treatment to critters (unless they are really gonna wound ya or kill ya),I say find her a new home with Laura or another kind soul.

But if you're dead set (pun intended) on offing the poor beast,I'd recommend dropping her out back of the nearest Chinese restaurant.At least her death would serve some purpose to Humanity. (And would taste great with sweet n' sour sauce)

When my cats get out of line, I spray them with an aerosol air freshener. It gets them wet, leaving a residue which they immediately try to clean off despite the fact that it must taste terrible, and it makes a nearly perfect hissing noise. They like that even less than they like spray bottles.... But it works like a charm and also makes them smell good.

The New Jersey Pine Barrens is my fav.
Lots of bogs, isolated dirt roads, NJ Devil.

if the squirtgun or aerosol can don't work, get a burlap bag. like patton said, you'll know what to do next.

Frank,
You could always take the little rascal to that 'Wooly Swamp' Charlie Daniels is always singin about.

Be careful though, there's things out there in the middle of them woods that'd make a grown man die from fright.

two words- Kitten Pie

Aluminum foil night cap? Squirt gun followed up by a 100,000 volt squirt gun.
Pick up cat stick cats nose into you armpit. Cat will run away and never be seen again.

I tried to set you up with a bog on Bogger and host it on Bog*spot, but it was down.

Turtle Bay, NYC. Near the UN HQ.

Vacuum cleaner: The eater of bad kitties.

Seriously, run the vacuum cleaner when she's bad. At some point you'll just have to reach for it and she'll go running. Leave it by the bed.

You should get children instead. They almost never wake you up by clawing your head.

How about Chappaquidick?

I'm not sure if it's technically a bog but I know nobody cares if someone drowns there.

Dorothy,
I think FrankJ still has flachbacks from the goosesh!t in NJ.
And frankly, we have enough bodies from the mafia and the McGreevey/Florio administrations in our swamps. We don't need FL exporting them up here. Hell, we send people from here to FL to DIE. That's the dynamic. Not the reverse.

Well, there's always mine. No one ever goes there.

Oh wait, you say "bog", not "blog".

www.b0g.org

thats a nice out of the way bog don't you think

Wait until an hour after you get up in the morning to feed them. Therefore they will not associate you getting out of bed with feeding time and will have no motivation to wake you up.

It worked for my cat who was 2 when I adopted her.

Also, cats regard the bed as the "family nest", so if you close the bedroom door your kitten will grow up to be a cranky cat who is always mad at you for kicking her out of it.

Good luck!

I have an old one up in the attic that I haven't used since college. The water's probably a bit rank by now, but....

Oh. Never mind.

www.bonsaikitten.com

oxoxo

the evil spam-bot

Just put scotch tape on the slats with the sticky side out, and she'll hate that. The problem is that your hair will get stuck too.

That, or just push her off the bed.