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February 17, 2005
Things to Say While Getting a Lap Dance
I'm not at liberty to mention how the topic came up, but it did. An acquaintance of mine (who shall remain nameless, assuming the check clears) was chastised by a... let's just call her an "adult entertainment industry worker", shall we?... for being taciturn while receiving a lap dance. As the gentleman exclaimed to me, "What SHOULD I have said?" What indeed... * Why, yes, I *do* come here often. * Less dancing, more lapping, please. * If that grind were any finer, you could work at Starbucks. * Can you move to the left a little? You're making a long distance call on my cell phone. * And no, you can't borrow it to tell your husband you'll be home late. * OW! PINCHY! OW! OW! * Personally, I think the whole existentialist movement was simply cognitive escapism in denial of mortality's undeniable inevitability and a subconscious avoidance of... OO! MOMMY! * It's not that I'm not aroused, it's just that I'm intimidated because yours is bigger than mine. * Two! Four! Six! Eight! Won't you help me masturbate? * No, my pants are wet because I spilled my drink. Keep going. * I just took a bottle of Enzyte. We're going to need a bigger chair for this. * Finger lickin' good! * Have I ever told you that you're my favorite sister? That should help avoid those awkward social situations. Just remember to kill any witnesses and bury them in shallow graves afterwards, lest they mention the event to your girlfriend. First. 26 Responses To "Things to Say While Getting a Lap Dance"
First amongst the non-owners of this website. #2 - Posted by: Sticky B on February 17, 2005 09:20 AMSadly enough I actually used number one and twelve before. #3 - Posted by: Contagion on February 17, 2005 09:32 AMFunny stuff. Now we need a list of excuses that you told Sarah of how you were forced to go by your friend and didn't enjoy it at all. Danjo Some reason this post reminds me of something said during a drunken haze... #5 - Posted by: Frank J. on February 17, 2005 09:50 AMYeah, that was one of the things you talked about, and it got you some bad looks and negative comments from the lovely Sarah. And that "first" in the extended entry got a LOL. :) #6 - Posted by: _Jon on February 17, 2005 10:19 AMSomething tells my you're gonna regret this post someday. #7 - Posted by: on February 17, 2005 10:55 AMI can tell you from experience, one of the things you should NEVER say is, "How much did THOSE cost?" The "dancers" don't like that one too much... #8 - Posted by: RAM on February 17, 2005 11:30 AMI gotta use number three... on my GF, yeah, my GF. #9 - Posted by: Pete on February 17, 2005 12:02 PMFunny post but I think i liked it better when IMAO was rated PG. #10 - Posted by: Pam on February 17, 2005 12:07 PMWhoa, hey, that whole post should've gone under a "Read more" link with the caveat "not work safe." #11 - Posted by: on February 17, 2005 01:52 PMFunny...yes. But I agree with Pam, above. #12 - Posted by: Laura on February 17, 2005 02:54 PMSo do I. :-/ #13 - Posted by: The Half-Elven Commie Slayer on February 17, 2005 05:36 PMHow would you know this Harvey? You’re a six foot white rabbit. You wascaly wabbit you. For the record, I had some content concerns myself, and ran this list by Frank J. prior to posting. I even specifically asked him about the word "masturbate". He didn't have a problem with it. I guess IMAO just had its first Janet Jackson moment. #15 - Posted by: Harvey on February 17, 2005 07:48 PMThere is some high level cheating on the "FIRST" posts. #16 - Posted by: Tyler on February 17, 2005 10:54 PMI'm with Pam too (but I laughed. Dang you to Heck Harvey!). But I still agree with Pam (always). #17 - Posted by: jonag on February 18, 2005 12:56 AMI didnt have a problem, but this is probably a good suggestion to be on the safe side: that whole post should've gone under a "Read more" link That way people who would be bothered can click it anyway out of curiosity, but then its their own fault. #18 - Posted by: Andy on February 18, 2005 11:12 AMOk, so can I please hear from someone who was ACTUALLY offended instead of just people who are worried that someone MIGHT be offended? Meanwhile, I'll see what I can do on my end... #19 - Posted by: Harvey on February 18, 2005 07:52 PMOk, so can I please hear from someone who was ACTUALLY offended instead of just people who are worried that someone MIGHT be offended? Since you never know what someone's going to post in the comments so you can never be certain the "read more" link is work safe. Common sense, people. #20 - Posted by: FIRE THIS PERSON, (S)HE'S READING IMAO ON THE JOB on February 19, 2005 04:32 PMI'M OFFENDED! ........ok I'm not just wanted to see your reaction :p #21 - Posted by: on February 20, 2005 12:10 AMOh no! I've offended someone! [signs up for "sensitivity training"] This must NEVER happen again! #22 - Posted by: Harvey on February 20, 2005 02:03 AMTwenty-fourth! #23 - Posted by: discomeatpies on February 20, 2005 07:06 AMI thought it was hysterical. Don't censor Harvey! The Read More thing is reasonable, but don't leave that stuff out. #24 - Posted by: Amber on February 23, 2005 07:20 PMAbout time a little adult humour surfaced. Let the nancy-boys (and girls) go watch the Disney channel if they don't like it. #25 - Posted by: Deyago on March 3, 2005 12:31 AMI like the eggs of this websites and think u should not mess with the jew crew till ur chicken is satified with its original leg. #26 - Posted by: Feeble Cruntalopse on March 7, 2005 05:08 PMPost a comment
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