Iraq's To-Do List
(A Precision Guided Humor Assignment)
After 30 years of brutal oppression, the Iraqi people are finally free to build a decent society based on the principles of freedom, liberty, democracy, and nickel-beer nights. It's a daunting task, and there's a lot to get done.
Fortunately, the Iraqi government has published this handy to-do list so that everyone can be on the same page during the nation's reconstruction:
* Institute "T-shirts for terrorists" program. Turn in a terrorist and a get a free "Nuke the Moon T-shirt".
* [subliminal message]T-shirt good! You buy now![/subliminal message]
* Send "Thank-You" cards to America, Britain, Australia, and Poland.
* Send "F***-You" cards to France, Germany, and Russia
* Invite the human-shield hippy dirtbags to hang out by the Iraqi police stations.
* Invade and conquer Syria and Iran.
* Wait... that was from America's to-do list. My bad.
* Have Saddam appear on TV and issue a formal apology to the Iraqi people by doing the Happy Dance at the end of a rope.
* Change the name of the country to "Irack", because that final "q" just looks freaky without a "u" after it.
* Release a new x-rated video.
* Oops... that's Paris Hilton's list. Nevermind.
* Revamp Iraqi currency. Replace camel with camel-toe.
* Be careful Googling that one.
* Legalize wet burkha contests.
* Free lap-dances for all Coalition troops!
* Wait... I promised I wouldn't make any more lap-dance posts, didn't I? Scratch that one.
* Shut down "T-shirts for journalists" program, since America has already bagged its limit.
* Rename the Tigris & Euphrates rivers the "Mc" and "Donald's" - if the price is right.
* Buy more "Nuke the Moon" T-shirts. Did I mention they were 100% preshrunk heavyweight cotton?
* 20% of net sales revenue, why?
* More tax cuts and dead terrorists.
* Yeah, they stole that one from America's list, but we'll let it go this time ;-)
That's everything from the official list. If you've got more suggestions, leave them in the comments and I'll pass them along.
...If you buy a Nuke the Moon T-shirt.
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