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February 25, 2005
The Ballad of Frank J.'s Accident
Frank J. was recently involved in a car accident, and it looks like paying for all those repair bills may prevent him from buying that 75 carat diamond ring that the lovely & talented SarahK's been eyeballing. This. Will. Not. Do. Being a married man myself, it pains me greatly to think that Frank J. might somehow escape the chafing bonds of wedded bliss. So, in the fine tradition of such great celebrity fund-raising songs as "We Are the World", and "We're Sending Our Love Down the Well", I've penned a little ditty to help Frank J. out. [NOTE: The lyrics - while PG-13 - aren't entirely SarahK-safe, so I'm putting it in the extended entry. If she REALLY wants to sing it, I can whip up an FM version. Also, I'm not presently aware of a tune that fits the meter of the lyrics. If you think of one, leave a note in the comments]: Our favorite Frank J. was just driving along, An ambulance showed up just barely in time, As Frank sat and suffered, all mangled and broke, "But I'm crippled and blood-soaked!", said Frank with a frown, Frank lay there alone with a tear in his eye, "why aren't you at home? you ought to be here!" "you're mean! and i hate you! i don't love you at all!" Frank picked up his phone, and he made one last try, "Get off of my phone, you bad monkey-cat!" Frank hung up the phone, and gazed up at the sky, He woke in the morning, all covered in blood, So all through the day, Frank with Sarah fought, And so now, my friends, this sad story's been told, Remember, 100% of proceeds from this song go directly to the "Frank J. and SarahK Memorial Car-Repairing and Ring-Buying Trust Fund Foundation, LLC". 30 Responses To "The Ballad of Frank J.'s Accident"
It kinda fits into the Johnny Cash song "Big Bad John" but needs the tag line between each verse done #1 - Posted by: ptownmatt on February 25, 2005 08:08 AMI was thinking the same thing but with The Beverly Hillbillies theme song. #2 - Posted by: Jim on February 25, 2005 08:14 AMwow, i was thinking beverly hillbillies too #3 - Posted by: guttrhead on February 25, 2005 08:25 AMI was singing along in the tune of The Beverly Hillbillies also. #4 - Posted by: phin on February 25, 2005 08:37 AMThis is sick, I thought Beverly Hills Hillbillies by the second sentence. #7 - Posted by: Rey on February 25, 2005 09:05 AMYah, it's so definitely Beverly Hillbillies. Poor Frank, it looks like the 'sweet' sarahK needs to work on her anger management. Tootles. #8 - Posted by: ViolinDuchess on February 25, 2005 09:14 AMActually, for that dramatic effect I think you can fit the meter to "The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald" #9 - Posted by: Bryan on February 25, 2005 09:22 AMIt kinda worked if you use the death march from Star Wars. #10 - Posted by: JoshG on February 25, 2005 09:39 AMI also thought of the Beverly Hillbillies, though it was mostly because of the post title. The Beverly Hillbillies theme song is called "The Ballad of Jed Clampett". #11 - Posted by: No One of Consequence on February 25, 2005 09:56 AMMaybe Snoopy and the Red Baron by The Royal Guardsman, at least parts of it. MikeC #12 - Posted by: MikeC on February 25, 2005 10:42 AMThe Ballad of Jed Clampett came to mind first,as well.I can also see Ted Nugent or Jackyl belting out this diddy. #13 - Posted by: Moe on February 25, 2005 10:44 AMSo would Big Iron by Marty Robbins, which also kinda fits. Then you'd repeat the last half of the last line of each verse: ... I love Marty Robbins, well his gunslinger songs, not really the hawaiian ones. Oh, yeah - it's Beverly Hillbillies. Very well done, too! #15 - Posted by: Tracey on February 25, 2005 10:55 AMIt'll work with the Beverly Hillbillies verse. Kinda rough, but do-able. And funny - good job Harv! #16 - Posted by: Tammi on February 25, 2005 10:59 AMHow about the Good Ol Boys, the theme from the Dukes of Hazzard? #17 - Posted by: Oddybobo on February 25, 2005 11:05 AMWould Frank like a PICTURE of a ring, with a real diamond in it? He could just print it out... #18 - Posted by: John on February 25, 2005 11:52 AMoustanding. i especially loved how you didn't capitalize when i was speaking, LOL. i wasn't thinking Beverly Hillbillies, because i'm thinking i'll record the FM version, and i don't want us to pay royalties to anyone. but i'm thinking either banjo is involved, or it's hard rock. #19 - Posted by: sarahk on February 25, 2005 11:54 AMUh, it's Jimmy Dean (yes, the sausage guy) that sings "Big Bad John." I was thinking "Blow the Man Down" (or "Mow the Man Down," in this instace) but that would need an oft-repeated chorus, wouldn't it? #20 - Posted by: basil on February 25, 2005 11:58 AMI got Davey Crockett... but I'm old. Frankie I had the Beverly Hillbillies theme with it too. Scary. #23 - Posted by: songstress7 on February 25, 2005 01:31 PMthat was awesome, It would also work with "Sweet Betsy from Pike," an all-purpose folk tune that appears over and over again in Scotland, Ireland, and the Appalachians. To hear John Derbyshire sing a song about the Riemann Hypothesis to "Sweet Betsy", go here #25 - Posted by: Queenie Thrale on February 25, 2005 05:39 PM..."escape the chafing bonds of wedded bliss" ?? Oh honey, am I ever going to make you 'chafe'! Oh yeah, cute song. :) Your Beloved Wife #26 - Posted by: TNT on February 25, 2005 11:34 PMI started singing it too the Ballad of Jed Clampett, too, but some of the meter is a little off. So I ended up reading it as a poem to the "tune" of 'Twas The Night Before Christmas with some soft new age music playing in the background. #27 - Posted by: Tuning Spork on February 26, 2005 12:57 PMI would say that it works with Tracy Byrd's song about the drinking bone being connected to the party bone, but then again that song was stuck in my head while I was reading it. #28 - Posted by: 7U on February 26, 2005 01:37 PMBeverly Hillbillies? Ach, crivens. No. For the perfect Frank tune, stop and examine who he is; ie, what does he do for a living. Then think, what does he hate nearly the most? Uh huh, that's right. Now look at the meter we have here, and you can easily see that a perfect, perfect fit is with the old Grateful Dead tune, The Monkey And The Engineer. "Once upon a time there was an engineer It fits perfect. All Harvey has to do is write up a chorus. #29 - Posted by: Drew on February 28, 2005 12:36 AMPost a comment
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