Hello Readers,

I'm RightWingDuck, here to share the news.

A few days ago, I talked about the poll that said America was ready for a female president. I told you not to take it too seriously because the other question was, “Would you vote for somebody whose name rhymed with nillary hinton?”

I hate being right. I think it's one of the signs of the end times.

There’s an article that shows that the poll in question was taken at
the First Woman President symposium

So, in other words, at a female president symposium, 63 percent said they were ready to see a woman in the Oval office.

63 Percent!!

What about the other 37 percent of attendees? Were they only there for the food?

Man, don’t you hate it when the polling is tainted?

In other news, 4 out of 5 Jackson’s feel Michael is innocent.

**

Canada recently announced that they won’t participate in our plans for a missile defense shield

Officials say that negotiations were tense but cordial.

“President Bush, we cannot participate in your shield program, it costs too much.”
“Well, Prime Minister Whatever, I guess we’re not really friends, are we?”
“Do you still want to save 20% on your prescription drugs? You need
Canada.”
“Do you still want our doctors to perform your heart bypass surgeries? You need us, too.”

Today, they announced a compromise that fits within the Canadian Budget – Project GZR

Project GZR will feature volunteer Canadians, mostly retired citizens, who will sit on rooftops with really big nets. Canada is hoping it goes well.

"William. Heads up. Incoming!!"
"Huh? What?"
"Here it comes, get ready to catch it!"
"Huh? What?"
"There it goes. You missed it you dang fool."
"Huh? What?"

**

Hillary got the big smackdown from the leading Iraqi candidate, Dr. Ibrahim Jafari.

Read the blurb. He basically said, "Who the hell are you? Shut up and keep an eye on your husband."

On a press show, she mentioned that she had concerns that the Iraqi leader might have close ties to Iran.

Maybe Senator Clinton should have used her other prepared statement, the one where she complains about the other finalist and his close ties to the United States.

It’s strange to see something like this reported.

In Hillary’s case, her usual problem is under-reporting. But I don’t want to talk about her adventures in fundraising.

Hillary issued a statement saying we can’t trust any conservative reporters because they might have links to homosexuality.

Harry Reid is opening a Senate Investigation into the Gannon/Guckert affair. .

GASP, Oh no, the Democrats are winning. We have Dan Rather’s Head on our Fake But Accurate platters, we have Eason Jordan’s Protect Me From the Troops Resignation letter – but crap. They got Gannon! Damn, he was the turning point for our new Press Credential Program – Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell.

We need a replacement. Is Andrew Sullivan still retired?

The Washington Post has a big write up on Condi Rice.

On her visits to heads of state? No.

On her progress to bitch slap those Euro-weenies into place? No.

Here is the number one issue: Her Sexy Boots- yes, Power Clothing.

The Post stated: The boots had a high, slender heel that is not particularly practical.

While I respect the quality of the Washington Post – I love the topless girl on page 3 - I have to disagree.

Practical heels? What – does the Secretary of State do a lot of hiking or something?

Oh, sure. NOW she’s supposed to dress like Dick Cheney at a Holocaust commemoration!!

As a writer, let me just say this: It’s nice to see the Queer Eye guys getting into real journalism. I believe Mr. Gannon is looking for work…

IMAO reader, Kirsten sent me this great article. Scientists have spotted an invisible Galaxy.

I know what you’re thinking, “If it’s invisible, how did they see it?”

It's a secret, but let me just say this: Remember, if you’re an invisible galaxy, try not wearing so many clothes.

Also, avoid devouring other galaxies as they are seen for a while as they digest.

Scientists are hoping to develop a mission where they can send up a bunch of invisible astronauts.

It’s best to be invisible galaxy; otherwise, the Washington Post would go around calling you a Dominatrix system.

A Animal Right's Activists are protesting a new candy made by Kraft - Trolli Roadkill Gummi Candy.

The Kraft company is pulling one of their ads. They will be allowed to keep making their Gummi SUV's as they are evil and must be devoured.

In other news, the Trolli company announced their newest line… Dead Islamic Terrorists Gummy Candy!!

Yipee. A suicide bomber!!
Aww, I got an insurgent, I wanted the CNN reporter
Hmmmm. You can practically taste the hatred. Minty.

Charles Rangel immediately protested the use of the phrase, “Islamic Terrorist”

The Trolli company will soon be changing the name – to US Marine Roadkill Gummies.

Catholic organizations are livid over a scene in the series “The Committed” where two actors take a host, the Catholic communion wafer, and flush it down the toilet

I agree with this outrage.

It is never appropriate to flush a host down the toilet – unless it’s Regis Philbin.

The reaction has been so strong, that the show is rethinking an upcoming scene where one of the main stars takes a page from the Holy Bible - and uses it to wipe his ass!!

No final decision has been made.

A British TV station has vieweres outraged over the recent TV broadcast of an exorcism

Said a spokesman, “We sincerely apologize if any viewers were offended by the recent broadcast. Although we saw the scene in question with a man tied up, screaming and cursing, with sweat and foam coming out of his mouth – we operated under the mistaken assumption we were broadcasting a segment on the American, Howard Dean…”

In a related incident, after witnessing the Exorcism, Republicans called the BBC demanding equal time.

**

That's it folks. Enjoy your weekend. Remember, I can't hear you laugh, so post your favorite joke in comments.

BTW, do you have an interesting newsbit? Please email me at rightwingduckatyahoodotcom (put roundup in the subject line) along with your blog URL.

I have to go. These boots are killing me. Man, they're not very practical.

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