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March 02, 2005
RWD's News Roundup -Wednesday
Posted by RightWingDuck at 09:06 PM | View blog reactions | Comments (18)

Hello Everyone,

I'm RightWingDuck, here to share the news.

The Supreme Court is hearing arguments regarding the display of the Ten Commandments.

The court is reviewing the commandments? If all goes well, the court might just go ahead and approve 4 of them.

Of course, the separation of church and state is something they take very seriously. If you want to display the commandments, you'll have to follow the constitution, and display them in a jar of urine.

Lots of celebrity trials going on right now.

It’s always said to see a talented black pop star might be going to prison. Not Michael – I’m talking about Lil’ Kim.


Li’l Kim is on trial for lying to a grand jury about a shootout between her people and a rival record label.

What Am I not getting?

Does Pepsi ever do a drive by on Coca-Cola?

Did Tony The Tiger ever take out anyone who was KooKoo for Koko Puffs?

I guess it’s just a hip hop thing and I’ll never understand.

Some bands perform cover songs – others just take cover.

So if things go badly, Lil’ Kim might be doing a lil’ time.

Record Producer P.Diddy will be hosting a new show looking for an all girl band.

Making the Band: Three will feature 19 women living in a loft as they compete for 5 positions in the group.

Compete for the band? I want to watch them compete for the bathroom!

P. Diddy says that the group will be pop with a dash of hip-hop.

All contestants will be judged by their singing, dancing, and marksmanship.


Okay. Speaking of other pop stars, the Jackson trial is getting going.

Reports say that the Jackson team will make the accuser’s mom 'look like a crack whore'.

I’m not sure what that means, but I’m pretty sure it involves winning an Oscar. Is she an alcoholic crack whore? If so, she’s a winner for sure.

This has been tough on Michael, with the trial and all the publicity - he hasn't had the chance to do what he does best – make Greatest Hits albums.

Poor Michael, he thinks people are chasing after him because he had all the suitcases full of money. Turns out they were just full of porn!

Hey, that reminds me. You know that guy that follows the President with the briefcase…. Hmmm. He does look very happy.

Are you sure those are nuclear codes? Now that I think about it, most launch codes don't have a centerfold.

The United Nations is holding a forum on Women’s Rights. Many are not happy with the whole idea.

The UN holding a conference on Women's rights is like Ted Kennedy holding a forum on responsible drinking.

Actually, the forum has value. They’re debating on how UN troops should treat women.

Today, the feature seminar was: Regular or ribbed for her pleasure?

The speaker was the commander of the forces in Congo – he was great! He really showed off his rapist wit.

In New Jersey, some workers are in trouble for performing a skit featuring the KKK. The skit was performed as part of a drug treatment program.

You want to know the real controversy; it was funded by the Campaign to Re-elect Robert C. Byrd.


Senator Byrd is saying that the GOP is using Hitler tactics in getting judges approved.

I wouldn’t take that charge too seriously. Byrd also refers to the Holocaust as “The Good Old Days.”

I understand the Left’s fascination with Hitler. He was European, he hated Jews, and he resisted American military power. If he was alive today, he’d be giving Howard Dean a run for his money.

In other news, Baltimore is hosting the Tour De Clay.

It’s one of the worlds largest exhibits of pottery. They will feature over 122 exhibit spaces, 160 sculptures , and 28,000 ashtrays.

Oh, and check out this news bit. CNN's ratings are tanking while Fox is growing.

CNN immediately accused Fox of targeting its shows and reporters.

The article also shows that MSNBC lost about 23% of its viewers. This puts their total viewer count at 14.


Bill Gates was made an honorary knight by Queen Elizabeth.

He will be not be called "Sir". In order to be called Sir one must either be British or weigh more than 90 pounds.

Boss, yes. Sir, no.

The award is good, but if he wants it to remain valid- in 6 months he’ll have to pay for the upgrade.

Kobe Bryant settled out of court with his accuser. There will be no civil trial.

Thank heavens. Now Kobe can spend a thousand percent of his energy at keeping his team above .500.

**

That's all for today.

Do you have an interesting news bit? Please forward it to me at rightwingduckatyahoodotcom.

As always, I can't hear you laugh.Please post your favorite joke in comments.

Rating: 2.0/5 (6 votes cast)

News Round-Up
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18 Responses To "RWD's News Roundup -Wednesday"

first!

#1 - Posted by: theschramm on March 2, 2005 09:27 PM

The award is good, but if he wants it to remain valid- in 6 months he’ll have to pay for the upgrade.

It would serve him right.

#2 - Posted by: Ann on March 2, 2005 09:36 PM

Duck, you too drunk for a title on your posts?

#3 - Posted by: spacemonkey on March 2, 2005 09:43 PM

Monkey,
hic. changes, hic

dun

#4 - Posted by: RightWingDuck on March 2, 2005 09:52 PM

**Did Tony The Tiger ever take out anyone who was KooKoo for Koko Puffs?**

Man I'm glad I wasn't drinking anything when I read that. >:)

#5 - Posted by: JaySwash on March 2, 2005 10:09 PM

Regular or ribbed for her pleasure?

Eww....

But probably exactly what the forum was about.

"Excuse me sir - UN protocols demand that you only have sex with Congolese UNDER 14 years of age."

"Oh, sorry."

#6 - Posted by: Mitsurugi on March 2, 2005 10:16 PM

RightWing Duck--Argus Hamilton...I can't always tell the difference!

#7 - Posted by: RTO Trainer on March 2, 2005 10:28 PM

Hey RTO

I googled Argus.

Thanks for the Compliment.

#8 - Posted by: RightWingDuck on March 2, 2005 10:34 PM

Complime...? Uh...Yeah, yeah sure!

#9 - Posted by: RTO Trainer on March 3, 2005 12:36 AM

"The speaker was the commander of the forces in Congo – he was great! He really showed off his rapist wit."

#10 - Posted by: Matt on March 3, 2005 03:10 AM

Sen. Byrdbrain is still on the Hitler thing. The left must be leaving him out of the loop. Reminds me of Clinton claiming to be relevant. It could be an omen for the next terrorist strike.

#11 - Posted by: McWert Deglieb on March 3, 2005 07:45 AM
I understand the Left’s fascination with Hitler. He was European, he hated Jews, and he resisted American military power. If he was alive today, he’d be giving Howard Dean a run for his money.

Too, too true.

All contestants will be judged by their singing, dancing, and marksmanship.

Awww, now there's Coke all over the screen...

#12 - Posted by: Syd Barrett on March 3, 2005 08:00 AM

"He will be not be called "Sir". In order to be called Sir one must either be British or weigh more than 90 pounds.

Boss, yes. Sir, no. "

Which explains why we call Frank J. "boss" :-)

#13 - Posted by: Harvey on March 3, 2005 08:30 AM

you are exactly right about hip hop...since when do you have to kill other singers? i think hip hop is about gang mafia wars and not singing at all...which would explain some of those songs as well.

#14 - Posted by: Bikermommy on March 3, 2005 10:18 AM

"..in 6 months he'll have to pay for the upgrade." I'm going to use that--an unauthorized version of the joke.

#15 - Posted by: Frank M. on March 3, 2005 10:27 AM

Funny: So if things go badly, Lil’ Kim might be doing a lil’ time.
All contestants will be judged by their singing, dancing, and marksmanship.
Today, the feature seminar was: Regular or ribbed for her pleasure?
If he was alive today, he’d be giving Howard Dean a run for his money.
…if he wants it to remain valid- in 6 months he’ll have to pay for the upgrade.

Not in that order, actually, the UN seminar one was funniest.

#16 - Posted by: Pete on March 3, 2005 12:55 PM

"CNN immediately accused Fox of targeting its shows and reporters."

lol

#17 - Posted by: Kirsten on March 3, 2005 02:38 PM

The Bill Gates "upgrade" joke was priceless. Keep up the good work.

#18 - Posted by: Phoenix1138 on March 4, 2005 12:28 PM
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