Hello Everyone,

I'm RightWingDuck, Here to share the news.

I’d like to start off with a little bit of bad news.

Bubba the lobster is dead. There was a lot of controversy when this 22 pound lobster was fished out of the ocean. Some wanted him saved, others boiled. Finally, the restaurant owner donated him to an aquarium – where he died the next day.

Many will be showing up to mourn his passing. They’ll come bearing candles, flowers, and melted butter.

Please show at at 7:00 P.M with your mourning bibs.

The GlobalFlyer will be touching down after flying around the world without refueling!

This is really awesome because at first, they weren’t sure how he had somehow lost about 2,600 pounds of fuel.

What’s more embarrassing, he also seems to have lost his luggage!

Most of the plane is constructed to hold the fuel. His personal space in the cockpit has just enough room for him to lean back and take cat naps.

So not only did he travel around the world – it appears he did it while traveling in coach.

You want to really impress me, put a screaming baby in the back row. Then let’s see how he does.

To save room, he had to wear a special suit with tubes to carry out body waste. Today the airlines said, “Hmmm. Tell us, how much room did it save him EXACTLY?” Oh, man - I see it coming.

Microsoft has a teddy bear that can watch your kids

It has a camera so that you can monitor them. You can talk to the child by phone or even monitor through an internet connection.

Do I really want that? Aren’t there too many risks? What if it starts downloading spam.

“Hi, Billy. What are you doing?”
“Nothing. Just bored.”
“Hmmm. Would you like to see wild women? No credit card required.”

China is accusing the United States of monopolizing the internet.

I agree. Control of the internet should belong to its rightful owner & creator – Al Gore!

China's One Child policy has created a shortage of women. So the Internet boom has helped fill a vital need – pornography. Government approved, One China, Taiwan isn’t a separate country Pornography.

This also fits in with the other government approved pleasure program – the One Hand Policy.

Did you hear about this? A man tried to set up a terrorist camp in Arizona.

Thankfully, autorities caught on and the heat is really coming down on him. The good news. Well, it’s Arizona – so it’s a dry heat.

It would have been good for the economy. After spring training all the tourism just dries up.

The Las Vegas mayor is taking a bit of flak for visiting with fourth-graders and encouraging the use of a particular Vodka.

Folks. I hate to be a prude about this – but this is so wrong. I don’t believe it’s a mayor’s place to endorse a type of gin.

I believe all fourth graders should feel free to choose their own favorite liquor.

Isn't it weird hearing moral arguments from Vegas?

“Mr. Mayor, my mommy says you shouldn’t talk about alcohol.”
“Where is she now?”
“At the strip club.”

Word got out, man. Somebody squealed. You know what this means? Somebody violated the Fourth Grade Code of Honor: What happens in fourth grade stays in fourth grade.

The mayor was otherwise very nice on his visit. He read them a story: Heather has Two Mommies- Because the Liquor’s Making Her See Double.

Studies show that obese women are more likely to give birth to fraternal twins.

Frat twins are wonderful and fun. When they’re born, they can crush a baby bottle against their forehead.

Frat twins are so hip they belong to the fraternal order of booboo dada.

So, let me understand this. Does the body have so much room it says, “Hey, look at all this space, let’s make twins!”

I guess that makes sense. The other day, there was a really, really fat mom that gave birth to twins AND a baby stroller. It’s like a little factory in there!

Martha Stewart will be getting out of prison soon. A magazine did a cover story on her great weight loss featuring a very slim Martha on the cover. Problem is it was photoshopped.

In all honesty, she might have gained weight.

However, she does brag that she can knock out 20 Push-ups in a row.
This beats her previous record of 10 straight Fudge-sicles, and 15 straight Klondike Bars.

Let me see, Martha returns to her $900,000 a year job,
her company’s stock has quadrupled since she went to prison, and she’s in line to have two new TV shows.

What Success!! Is this what they mean when they say, “She can’t get arrested in this town”?

Success means paying your dues - to society.

Actually, prison time isn't about repaying your debt to society. It’s about your career and finding your second wind.

Saddam’s trial will feature a cage to hold him in place. Some people are saying that this is cruel. I don’t know.

Add some disco music and a trapeze and you’ve got the hottest place in Baghdad, baby!!

I would love to see a sign on the bars “Please do not feed the dictator.”

A big problem has been resolved here in Los Angeles. Disney has agreed to change the finish on the wall of their new Disney Concert Hall. The shiny surface was reflecting so much heat onto a neighboring complex; it was overwhelming their air conditioners.

Kind of an odd twist, instead of contractors – Disney will be using animators. If there’s one thing they know how to do is take any finish and make it dull.

If they had used Pixar, wow, people would be LINING UP to take a look at that wall.

***

Yes, I went kind of long today. I'll be away from the computer most of Friday so don't expect a roundup for the day.

However, lots of good stuff here. Keep checking back.

As always, I can't hear you laugh, so please post your favorite jokes in comments.

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