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March 09, 2005
Car-Bomber Bumper Stickers
(A Precision Guided Humor Assignment) With all the crazy action going on over in Iraq, it's hard to tell friend from foe. Let's say you're manning a checkpoint and a car comes careening up toward you. You have no idea whether it's a suicidal car-bomber, an innocent (if somewhat communist) Italian journalist, or simply just another Ahmed Lunchpail in a hurry to get home for a nooner. Wouldn't it be nice if there were an easy way to tell them apart so you wouldn't accidentally open fire on the last example and risk losing the hearts and minds of the Iraqi people? Well, it turns out there's an easy way to spot the bad guys - just read the bumper stickers! If you see one that's even remotely like the ones I list in the extended entry, then fire at will: * Driver carries less than 20 pounds of explosives. * Visualize whirled pieces. * It could be worse.... at least I'm not a postal worker. * This car runs like crap because Halliburton stole my oil! * I support the troops - by giving them something to shoot at. * You can have my detonator when you pry it from my cold, dead hands. * Don't shoot! I'm not a commie Italian journalist! * I'm not playing with myself, I'm adjusting my bomb belt. * 72 Virgins taxi service. * I sure hope these voices in my head are Allah! * Kerry-Edwards '04 * Trust me, you DON'T want to be tailgating. * Mary Kay Burkha Babe Bomber Brigade (pink Cadillacs only) * You think it's hot in the DESERT? Try being in my CAR in 5 minutes! * If you had six wives, you'd be on this mission, too. * My other car is an IED. * CAUTION: Delivery vehicle. Watch for frequent stops. And sudden explosions. * I {heart) the UN. * How's my driving? Call 1-800-BLOWDUP. If you've spotted any more "dead giveaway" stickers during your recent daily commutes, feel free to drop them in the comments. 44 Responses To "Car-Bomber Bumper Stickers"
Hey! That "Commie Italian Journalist" sticker was my idea! Wah! #1 - Posted by: GEBIV on March 9, 2005 05:23 PMI saw one once that said '9 out of 10 Shahids can't be wrong'. I think I saw another one in Myrtle Beach that said 'My G-d is a beastial warmongering pedophile',but I might be mistaken. ;) #2 - Posted by: Moe on March 9, 2005 05:30 PMHmm... How bout... Mohammed is my triggerman. In case of Rapture car will be driving aimlessly. Coptics Suck! Eat my shrapnel.
How about: "If you can read this, thank an opthamologist"? #6 - Posted by: rkross on March 9, 2005 06:06 PMFor the suicide bomber in you: "My other car is laden with explosives" or "WWJD?: When Will Jihad (be) Done?" (Remember they mostly can't speak English all that well) #7 - Posted by: gh_geek on March 9, 2005 06:11 PMI brake for Mullahs #8 - Posted by: HeatherF on March 9, 2005 06:27 PMMy honor student blew up your honor student #9 - Posted by: HeatherF on March 9, 2005 06:28 PM"My son just graduated from suicide bomb school...{gulp}...they blow up so fast." #10 - Posted by: xtremerightwing on March 9, 2005 07:01 PMHow 'bout a picture of Calvin wearing bed sheets, carrying an AK-47 and peeing on an American Flag? #11 - Posted by: Adam (VRWC Member) on March 9, 2005 07:24 PMProud D.A.R.E. Parent (Decimating American Regiments Everywhere) #12 - Posted by: Adam (VRWC Member) on March 9, 2005 07:26 PM"I don't brake for infidels." #13 - Posted by: Adam (VRWC Member) on March 9, 2005 07:36 PM"Hang up and DIE!" #14 - Posted by: Adam (VRWC Member) on March 9, 2005 07:38 PMGEBIV - I'd apologize for plagiarizing you, but you didn't say "FIRST!" Therefore you get nothing :-P #15 - Posted by: Harvey on March 9, 2005 07:52 PM"Stop helping infidels or you'll go blind!" "Bombs don't kill people, shrapnel does" "It takes a village to hide the weapons" #16 - Posted by: Adam (VRWC Member) on March 9, 2005 07:55 PMThis has to be the funniest line of the day: "If you had six wives, you'd be on this mission, too." LOL #17 - Posted by: Frank H. on March 9, 2005 07:56 PM"Shiite Happens (^_^)" #18 - Posted by: Adam (VRWC Member) on March 9, 2005 08:00 PM"I {heart} Jimmah Cahtah" #19 - Posted by: Adam (VRWC Member) on March 9, 2005 08:03 PM"I want to see 1 million Somalians too; WE NEED BACKUP!" #20 - Posted by: Adam (VRWC Member) on March 9, 2005 08:04 PMOr if he's wearing a shirt that says "SUICIDE BOMB TECHNICIAN: If you see me driving, don't try to catch up!" #21 - Posted by: on March 9, 2005 08:07 PMWoops, that last one was mine... #22 - Posted by: Adam (VRWC Member) on March 9, 2005 08:07 PMApology accepted. Don't worry, my Offical Humor Assignment went down a totally different track. #23 - Posted by: GEBIV on March 9, 2005 08:07 PM"If You Ain't Muslim, You Ain't Shiite" #24 - Posted by: RMS on March 9, 2005 09:36 PMDon't Blame Me - I Voted For Sadaam #25 - Posted by: Joe Bonforte on March 9, 2005 10:44 PMMy other car is a 757. #27 - Posted by: bullwinkle on March 10, 2005 12:06 AMRemember before when I called you lugubrious? Well, that's still true. F- off and die. #28 - Posted by: Brian the Unquestioned Lord & Master of the Universe on March 10, 2005 12:48 AM
Sunni's make better bombers. Do it with a Sunni, It's a blast. My President is Saddam Insane. #30 - Posted by: McWert Deglieb on March 10, 2005 06:15 AMWWAB celebrate atrocity shrapnel happens allah is my co-pilot the uni-bomber was an underachiever #31 - Posted by: duffer on March 10, 2005 09:31 AMMy other car is a SCUD C-4 4U Deliveries Clinton/Kennedy 08 #32 - Posted by: Good 'Ol Boy on March 10, 2005 10:14 AMWouldn't the car have to be speeding at you BACKWARDS in order to be able to read the bumper sticker. You're such an idiot... #34 - Posted by: ford4x4 on March 10, 2005 11:53 AM"So-damn Insane '08" #35 - Posted by: Adam (VRWC Member) on March 10, 2005 12:00 PM"Ryder" #36 - Posted by: Rubber(Red)neck on March 10, 2005 01:12 PMYes, that is det-cord in my pants and I'm not glad to see you. #37 - Posted by: Eric on March 10, 2005 02:09 PMALLAH IS MY CO-BOMBER SHAHIDS DO IT ONCE MY OTHER CAR IS A FORD PINTO * I Accelerate For Checkpoints * My Parents Went To Disneyworld And All I Got Was This Lousy Explosive Vest You Toucha My Car, I Blow Up In You Face #41 - Posted by: Fatwa Albert on March 10, 2005 05:29 PM"Only 300,000 died when Saddam lied." "Insurgents do it with a bang." "Liberty and Freedom frighten me." "Hillary '08" Post a comment
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