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I'm RightWingDuck and I'm here to share the news.

Dan Rather is off the air. Awwwww.

He signed off with the word –“Courage”.

Which is better than what he had originally planned- “Gotcha!! See you guy’s tomorrow.”

Now CBS News faces a major challenge.

Seriously, it’s going to be very difficult to find somebody willing to sit and read from a TelePrompTer while getting paid millions of dollars.

Best of luck to CBS.Courage!

In a funny note, CBS is now getting sued!

It was an odd moment – when the subpoena was served – the executives sniffed, “Yeah, official documents. Like we’re gonna fall for THAT one again.”

Congress has subpoenaed 11 baseball players as it investigates the use of steroids in the Majors.

10 ballplayers and their lawyers have vowed to fight the subpoenas saying congress does not have the authority to do so.

Except for Jose Canseco who will be showing up at congress to promote his new book, “Me and steroids – and the people I shot with steroids” and his new book “Steroids for Dummies.”

Some are saying that the homerun records shouldn’t count the same as others –calling for an asterisk showing that the ball player was juiced.

What’s the big deal? They’ll get it eventually. Can’t you just see Canseco at the doctor’s office in 10 years…

Doctor: Look Mr. Canseco. It appears you have a small tumor.
Jose: Must be from the steroids doc.
Doctor: Yes, you can see it clearly on these X-rays.
Jose. Wow it looks just like an asterisk.

Italy mourns the loss of one of their intelligence agents at the hand of an American GI.

The lady communist journalist is the sole witness saying they were fired on because the United States didn’t like Italy negotiating with terrorists.

We have to be careful with this issue.

In Europe, a Communist has something special – something that no American will ever have – credibility.

But think about it. Would the Bush administration really kill somebody because we felt they were making it look bad?

I don’t know. Is Michael Moore still alive?

The fact that he is still waddlin' around, means we can tolerate a whole lot.

New York Senator Hillary Clinton touted the ethical standards of female leaders like herself on Monday, telling a forum at New York University that women in government are less corrupt than their male counterparts.

Is that because women on average tend to earn a bit less than men?

This is why she is promoting a new law – Equal pay for Equal Corruption!!

A new study shows that Hispanic teens are likely to have sex more often when they speak the English language.

No kidding?

How many times have you seen this?...

"Hey baby, would you like to go somewhere quiet and make out?"
"No hablo ingles!!"
"Voulez vous couchez avec moi, cest soir?"

See, guys. Yet another reason to learn Spanish.

This whole language issue is starting to come up more and more.

A 9th grader has refused to stand for the Pledge of Allegiance because his school is reciting it in other languages. This of course is part of national language week or something.

He says that saying the Pledge in Russian is like going to church wearing a crucifix upside down.

Or, let me add, saying the Lord’s Prayer in Spanish!! GASP!!

Sometimes a 9th grader should be told to sit down and shut up. Which he did. In fact, he went out into the hall while it was recited.

I’m sorry. I’m not jumping on this bandwagon. The Pledge is said first in English, then in the language of the day. What is El Problemo??

Hey, kid. Say the pledge in another language – chicks dig it!

George Soros never gets tired of wasting money or time.

While in Spain he said that more people want to kill Americans than ever before!

Good news – if Soros is saying it – it must be wrong. Hurray. We’re winning.

Soros is saying that Spain has the right response. Soros said Spain had "a very different response to terrorism - a healthier response".

If by ‘healthy response’ he means running in fear.

Here’s my favorite part of the news bit.

"Meanwhile, a NATO plane, 7,015 police and an anti-aircraft battery were deployed over and around Madrid to provide security for an international conference on terrorism."

It goes on…

"According to the Spanish interior ministry, the police presence included units specialized in nuclear, biological and chemical attacks."

If Spain had the right response, than why so much SECURITY?

If I was a terrorist and saw this lack of trust – I would get angry and attack or something!

Teresa Heinz believes the presidential election was hacked.

Does she really believe that?

We have counties that had more votes than voters.
We have counties where the dead voted.
We have voter rosters phonier than a Boy Scout attendance list.

And she thinks that the Republicans cheated?

I guess that makes sense. The woman believes Kerry married her for her personality.

Michael Jackson almost had his bail revoked. He was late for his trial because of back pains.

Poor Mike. First the flu – now these back pains. He should be put in a place with the best healthcare in the world –prison.

Jacko left the hospital and went straight to the court house. He showed up wearing pajama tops and bottoms – and slippers. You want to know what’s really crazy? He wasn’t in a rush – that’s what he had planned to wear!!

To further complicate matters, it turns out that the staff at Neverland has walked out!

They have not been paid in over 2 weeks.

The family has been brought in to help settle the problems. The workers rejected the first offer – payment in Neverland Bucks.

We'll see how things work out.

Maybe they should just lock the gates and run away from it all.

Yep, that's right. That would be a healthy response.

**

Thanks. That's all for today. Sorry for not posting yesterday. There are days when I'm away from a computer and have no chance to write.

Do you have an interesting news bit? Email me at rightwingduckatyahoodotcom and share.

As always, I can't hear you laugh, so post your favorite funny in comments.

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