 |
|
|
|
About IMAO Giving money to Frank J. makes you happy!  Buy funniest book ever!  IMAO Podcasts IMAO Merchandise and Newsletter
 Cool shirts, mugs, stickers, and what-not!
About IMAO
If you want to send something by snail mail, e-mail with subject "P.O. Box" to get mail information for Frank J. and SarahK. About Frank J. Bloggers: Frank J. Harvey RightWingDuck Cadet Happy spacemonkey Laurence Simon SarahK Popular Categories
Fred Thompson FactsJohn Edwards Fabulous Facts lolterizt IMAO Condensed Know Thy Enemy Editorials Frank the Artist In My World Other Content
Ode to ViolenceBrief Histories IMAO Audio Bits  Read the Essay Own the Shirt Peace Gallery Search IMAO
Testimonials
"All quotes attributed to me on IMAO are made up... including this one."
-Glenn Reynolds "Unfunny treasonous ronin!" -Lou Tulio* "You, sir, are a natural born killer." -E. Harrington "You'll never get my job! Never!!!" -Jonah Goldberg "In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth. And He did despair, for in His omniscience, He did know that His creations had but three-fifths of the splendor of that which would be IMAO." -No One of Consequence "A blogger with a sense of humor." -Some Woman on MSNBC Blogroll
Ace of Spades HQThe Anti-Idiotarian Rottweiler Blackfive Captain's Quarters Classical Values Conservative Grapevine The Corner The Daily Gut (with Jim Treacher!) Dave in Texas Eject! Eject! Eject! Electric Venom Hot Air Puppy Blender La Shawn Barber's Corner Michelle Malkin Pereiraville Protein Wisdom Rachel Lucas Right Wing News Scrappleface Serenity's Journal Townhall Blog IMAO Blogroll Bad Example Cadet Happy The Flying Space Monkey Chronicles mountaineer musings Right Wing Duck  This Blog Is Full of Crap Fred Thompson Links Fred File Blogs for Fred Fred Thompson Facts Awards
|
March 16, 2005
Superhero Scandal!
I have a bit of a problem and could use your advice. You see, I've been subpoenaed by Congress to testify about steroid abuse by superheroes. Now, no one suspects me, of course, but they correctly figured I have knowledge on who is using. It's not like this is a surprise. Did any of you really think the Hulk looks like that naturally? Too many superheroes are just fixated on strength, but steroids don't give you the important things for hero work: character and the ability to breathe underwater and talk to fish. Still, I don't want to turn on other superheroes - even if they are misguided freaks. Then again, they're doing a lot of damage to themselves. Batman of course uses all the time to make up for the fact he doesn't have any powers at all, and he just keeps getting grumpier and meaner – at least to me. And, while Wolverine can regenerate any wound, he can't seem to regenerate his shrunken genitalia. And don't even get me started on how @#$%-up Superman is. So, what do you think I should do? Supposedly, if I don't testify, I could be held in contempt of Congress, but I can't imagine them actually prosecuting me, Aquaman. Imagine the media firestorm over that one. If I'm in prison, who will protect the seas? Oh yeah; probably the Coast Guard. Anyway, I would love your opinions, Aquafans. Please put them in the comments, and I'll tell you what I decide later. 14 Responses To "Superhero Scandal!"
If I didn't take the juice, there is no way my package would fit in the costume... #1 - Posted by: simo...uh...wonderman on March 16, 2005 10:01 AMSo when the Feds throw your skinny a$$ in the pokey your gonna wish you had juiced up cause your rommey is gonna be named Bubba and he's gonna want to spend some "quality time" with you AQUABITCH... #2 - Posted by: Littl Stevie on March 16, 2005 10:06 AMYou know the Flash always seemed sort of hopped up. #3 - Posted by: spacemonkey on March 16, 2005 10:23 AMNo, the FLASH was on speed. This inquiry is about steroids not speed. #4 - Posted by: Elvenbane on March 16, 2005 10:29 AM"Oh yeah; probably the Coast Guard." Loved it! Ninja War zone since January 28, 2005 #5 - Posted by: Ian From Wisconsin on March 16, 2005 10:40 AMHow could Aquaman, a DC character, testify against the Hulk? Seems pretty shoddy to me. #6 - Posted by: The Babaganoosh on March 16, 2005 10:59 AM-while Wolverine can regenerate any wound, he can't seem to regenerate his shrunken genitalia. and how would you know this? How much quality time do you spend with Wolverine? #7 - Posted by: Laura on March 16, 2005 11:40 AMYou dont have to rat out your fellow superheroes. Instead you can get the ACLU to file a suit claiming the government is torturing you for information. Take the ACLU to your underwater abode to celebrate, keep them there until they all drown. That way you get off free, and we land lubbers get rid of the ACLU - killing two whales with one harpoon so to speak. #8 - Posted by: humanoverlord on March 16, 2005 01:27 PMYou rat me out Aquaman and you'll sleep with the fishes! Oh, wait you already sleep with the fishes. Never mind! #9 - Posted by: Wolverine on March 16, 2005 01:46 PMI'd send a porpoise to testify for you. He can act as your lawyer, and everyone knows how great porpoises are at that. BTW, I do NOT use steroids. They are simply not a good replacement for radioactive insects. #10 - Posted by: NMUSpidey on March 16, 2005 02:28 PMDear Aquaman, I have a problem. There's this guy who rights a column. We'll call him... Francis. Anyway, I constantly write him for advice, and he never answers. Now, Francis has a problem of his own, and has asked me, his most devoted reader, for advice. I don't know what to do! As his biggest fan, I'd like to help him, but I am having a hard time getting past the fact that he never answers my pleas, much less the door at 3 a.m. I know that last part was probably all a misunderstanding, but even though guard-pirhanna have tiny mouths, those teeth hurt! Bleeding in Reading #11 - Posted by: krakatoa on March 16, 2005 02:41 PMYou rat me out Aquaman and you'll sleep with the fishes! Oh, wait you already sleep with the fishes. Never mind! Ah, so apparently Aquaman swings the same way Troy McClure does. That explains a lot!!! #12 - Posted by: AWG on March 16, 2005 04:31 PMYou go to prison in those green britches,and you ain't gonna care who ya have to rat out to make it stop.After Bubba comments on your "purty" mouth,he's gonna teach ya the real definition of "fishlipping". Better bring an extra jar of jelly. #13 - Posted by: Moe on March 16, 2005 05:06 PMhey hey hey! Aquaman, have you considered the Witness Protection Program? Dath to the infidel. Oops, death. #14 - Posted by: Fatwa Albert on March 16, 2005 06:55 PMPost a comment
|
Buy IMAO T-Shirts 
 
 
IMAO T-Shirts
The IMAO T-Shirt Babe (winning picture) YOU BUY NEW SHIRTS NOW!!! Yay! Books!
Capitalism
Archives
By Category
24American Idol Aqua-Adventures Barackalypse Now Best of IMAO 2002 Best of IMAO 2006 Bite-Sized Wisdom Editorials Election 2008 Filthy Lies Frank Answers Frank Discussions Frank on Guns Frank Reads the Bible Frank the Artist Fred Thompson Facts Friday Cat-Blogging Fun Trivia Hellbender Hellbender Take Two Hillary Clinton Terrible Truths Humor I Hate Frank If I Were President ignis fatuous IMAO Condensed IMAO Exclusives IMAO for the Non-Deaf IMAO Reviews IMAO Think Tank In My World In My World - Fan Fiction John Edwards Fabulous Facts Know Thy Enemy lolterizt Michael Moore Mitt Romney Ads News Round-Up Newsish Fakery No, McCain't Our Military Permalink Contest Precision Guided Humor Assignments Ron Paul, Ron Paul, Ron Paul Ronin Profiles Ronin Thought of the Day SarahK's TV stuff Scary Evil Monkey Simpsons Trivia Songs & Poems State of the Frank Report Superego Totally True Tidbits WEsistance Is Facile Why Me Laugh? Yvonne's Ashes By Month
December 2008September 2008 August 2008 July 2008 June 2008 May 2008 April 2008 March 2008 February 2008 January 2008 December 2007 November 2007 October 2007 September 2007 August 2007 July 2007 June 2007 May 2007 April 2007 March 2007 February 2007 January 2007 December 2006 November 2006 October 2006 September 2006 August 2006 July 2006 June 2006 May 2006 April 2006 March 2006 February 2006 January 2006 December 2005 November 2005 October 2005 September 2005 August 2005 July 2005 June 2005 May 2005 April 2005 March 2005 February 2005 January 2005 December 2004 November 2004 October 2004 September 2004 August 2004 July 2004 June 2004 May 2004 April 2004 March 2004 February 2004 January 2004 December 2003 November 2003 October 2003 September 2003 August 2003 July 2003 June 2003 May 2003 April 2003 March 2003 February 2003 January 2003 December 2002 November 2002 October 2002 September 2002 August 2002 July 2002 March 1933
|
Hello, Aquafans.
Stumble It!
