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March 29, 2005
RWD's News Round-Up, Tuesday
Posted by RightWingDuck at 09:54 AM | View blog reactions | Comments (15)


I'm RightWingDuck and I'm here to share the news.

I have some sad Easter news, unfortunately.

A boy may face charges for smacking the Easter Bunny in the face.

This is what happens when kids are allowed to smack elves around. It just escalates, people!!

Give the man in the bunny costume some credit, he felt it was not right for the Easter bunny to hit back.. Funny though, it’s the first time kids heard a bunny squeal like a stuck pig.

But watch yourself kid, the Easter Bunny knows people, if you know what I mean.

This will lead to father-son conversations such as:

"Daddy, what's that Elf doing out here at this time of year?"
"Well son, it appears to be a half-nelson."

A Wendy’s restaurant in Northern California, served a customer a special surprise!!

(hat tip to reader Gaskar – who had this to me long before Drudge posted it)

Yep. A customer found a part of a severed finger in her bowl of chili.

Worst part? They advertise it as TWO finger chili!!
She was robbed man. She was robbed.

Sales of chili were down. Way down.

It's sad to see chile in single digits. And vice versa.

Police are looking for the owner of the severed finger - but as of yesterday, they hadn’t fingered anyone.

A man has invented a sorely needed device. He has a filter for your TV that will block out Fox news.

This is much better, although not cheaper, than the old device – a remote control.

Experts predict this should sell big with liberals who strongly believe in all points of view.

This should also not be confused with the filter used by conservatives to block out left wing bias – the OFF switch.

Kofi Annan is depressed over his son's involvement in the UN’s Oil-for-food scandals.

Actually, it's only a scandal when it draws media attention. I think we can almost call this a domestic dispute.

Anyway, Kojo denies the allegations but is very concerned about his dad’s mental health. In fact, to cheer him up, Kojo bought Kofi a present – FIJI!!

Maybe Kofi just needs to party a bit. Hmm.

How about a visit to the UN troops in the Congo! The party never stops, baby.

Come on everybody and do the Congo –
You know you can't control yourself any longo-
Feel the rhythm of the music getting strongo

In an interview with Jesse Jackson, Michael Jackson suspects that there is a conspiracy that is out to get him.

He compares his situation to the cruel treatment received by Mohammed Ali.

Because when you think of bad ass, Black boxer…you think of Michael Jackson.

Hmm. Come to think of it, they both seem to have a skill for putting people on their backs.

The interview is quite intriguing and will be available in next month’s issue of BILF Magazine.

BTW, the judge has ruled that the old child molestation cases against MJ can be brought up in this trial. I don't think this is a bad sign. Unless your lawyer asks if you can dangle him from the fire escape.

Paul Wolfowitz is saying that he wouldn't use his position at the World Bank to preach Democracy.

Instead, he'd spend his time pitching something everyone on the planet truly needs - Free Checking.

Hat Tip to reader Jon, who had this next story to me almost as soon as it happened. Wow, IMAO readers are fast, I’m just too slow.

In Detroit, there’s a bank robber that is called the Michael Moore bandit.

They call him that because he’s very much like Michael. He’s fat, he’s bearded, and all the security tape is edited to blame President Bush.

That and the getaway car is driven by Sean Penn.

That’s silly, why would Michael Moore rob banks? He can focus on much easier targets – like gullible liberals.

Especially when they have their Fox filters on.

And finally, now it is possible to bother every single space creature in the galaxy.

Craig’s List is being beamed into outer space.

This shows you that there is now a new strategy. If the aliens won't respond to all those friendly ‘come visit’ invitations – maybe can trick them here with Spam.


Do you have an interesting news item? Send it along to rightwingduckatyahoodotcom with the words roundup in the subject line.

That's all for today.

Remember, I can't hear you laugh, so if any joke made you laugh, post it in comments.

For those of you who have wondered why I haven't posted at RightWingDuck - patience. I finally worked through some computer issues.

Rating: 2.8/5 (34 votes cast)

News Round-Up
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