 |
|
|
|
About IMAO Giving money to Frank J. makes you happy!  Buy funniest book ever!  IMAO Podcasts IMAO Merchandise and Newsletter
 Cool shirts, mugs, stickers, and what-not!
About IMAO
If you want to send something by snail mail, e-mail with subject "P.O. Box" to get mail information for Frank J. and SarahK. About Frank J. Bloggers: Frank J. Harvey RightWingDuck Cadet Happy spacemonkey Laurence Simon SarahK Popular Categories
Fred Thompson FactsJohn Edwards Fabulous Facts lolterizt IMAO Condensed Know Thy Enemy Editorials Frank the Artist In My World Other Content
Ode to ViolenceBrief Histories IMAO Audio Bits  Read the Essay Own the Shirt Peace Gallery Search IMAO
Testimonials
"All quotes attributed to me on IMAO are made up... including this one."
-Glenn Reynolds "Unfunny treasonous ronin!" -Lou Tulio* "You, sir, are a natural born killer." -E. Harrington "You'll never get my job! Never!!!" -Jonah Goldberg "In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth. And He did despair, for in His omniscience, He did know that His creations had but three-fifths of the splendor of that which would be IMAO." -No One of Consequence "A blogger with a sense of humor." -Some Woman on MSNBC Blogroll
Ace of Spades HQThe Anti-Idiotarian Rottweiler Blackfive Captain's Quarters Classical Values Conservative Grapevine The Corner The Daily Gut (with Jim Treacher!) Dave in Texas Eject! Eject! Eject! Electric Venom Hot Air Puppy Blender La Shawn Barber's Corner Michelle Malkin Pereiraville Protein Wisdom Rachel Lucas Right Wing News Scrappleface Serenity's Journal Townhall Blog IMAO Blogroll Bad Example Cadet Happy The Flying Space Monkey Chronicles mountaineer musings Right Wing Duck  This Blog Is Full of Crap Fred Thompson Links Fred File Blogs for Fred Fred Thompson Facts Awards
|
March 31, 2005
Swarming Sharks!
Hello, Aquafans. I was all down after those Congressional hearings about drug use by superheroes, when I heard about swarms of sharks closing beaches in Florida. Am I wrong, but doesn't this sound a lot like a job for...
I quickly headed for the Florida beaches. There, police were holding back swimmers as they watched the sharks circling in the water. "Glad you're here, Aquaman," said one of the officers, "With the beaches closed, communities are losing money." "It's my job to help!" I announced. "So get in the water and get rid of the sharks." "Is my name 'Aquamoron'?" I laughed, "You think I'm just going to jump into the water with a bunch of eating machines full of sharp teeth? I came here by plane and then a cab so as to avoid this water." "But I thought..." "I can talk to the sharks just fine while standing on a dock." I walked out on a dock and looked to the sharks. "Why are you sharks here?" I asked. "Not to eat swimmers," said one. "Why don't you come in the water," suggested another, "I think we can talk better face to face." "You're not tricking me, sharks," I answered, "Now get going." "What are they saying?" asked the police officer (he can't talk to fish). "Don't interrupt me," I told him (talking to fish takes concentration). "I think we really can discuss this better if we're all in the water," said a shark. "You're not fooling me into getting in the water like you did last time!" I yelled. "But we're big fans; we just want to meet you. Why, my son, a shark only a couple months old, swam all the way from Australia just to meet you." "Really? From Australia?" "Yeah, really." "I guess I can come in the water," I said, "but no tricks." It was a trap! The sharks circled me, ready to attack. Thus I remembered the secret shark fighting technique taught to me by the dolphins: beat them to death with my nose. When I awoke in intensive care, I realized it probably would have been better to call dolphins to fight for me. Then again, they're always making fun of my costume. Snooty bastards. This is Aquaman, signing off. 12 Responses To "Swarming Sharks!"
First! And Aquaman, don't fool us. You said you can talk to dolphins, but dolphins are not fish. They're mammals. You really are an aquamoron. #1 - Posted by: Brian C on March 31, 2005 03:35 PMaquaman, i'll admit i wasn't a fan of yours when you first started posting here, and you caught some flak from various readers. however, the more i read your stuff, the better i like it. consider me a fan. #2 - Posted by: Patriot Xeno on March 31, 2005 04:10 PMI enjoyed discovering the picture I thought was lacking in the read more section. #3 - Posted by: the_brick on March 31, 2005 05:16 PMShouldn't the T-shirt Babe sidebar be renamed "My beautiful fiancee" or something like that? #4 - Posted by: on March 31, 2005 08:39 PMAlways treat sharks just like you might a politician; never go near them while in a frenzy and never let them smell your open wounds because then they'll pass a bill to eat you. #5 - Posted by: Elliott on March 31, 2005 08:45 PMI agree with Xeno. Check this guy out, he's kind of off, too. http://www.theconservativeuawguy.blogspot.com/ #6 - Posted by: on March 31, 2005 09:16 PMSorry. Not an HTML person. http://www.theconservativeuawguy.blogspot.com/ Gues a copy and paste will have to suffice. #7 - Posted by: jumpinjohnny on March 31, 2005 09:20 PMBest one yet Aquadude, or maybe like Xeno and jumpinjohny said, you sorta grow on people... which sounds worse than it really is. #8 - Posted by: Pete on April 1, 2005 04:21 PMLOL stuff....not to sound like I am sucking up...but always liked your posts. Then again I like the weird ones. also RIP Mitch Hedberg....he was a funny guy and I will miss him. Stupid drugs #9 - Posted by: Danjo on April 1, 2005 05:45 PMMeh... Batman can still beat up Aquaman. Jack. #10 - Posted by: Jack Deth on April 3, 2005 01:22 AMDog fucking hardcore videozporn videozxxx videozlesbian videozasian videozanal videozblack videozfetish videozgang bang videozgroup sex videozteen videozamateur videozmasturbation videozmature videozoral videoztoys videoz #12 - Posted by: rr on April 8, 2005 05:59 AMPost a comment
|
Buy IMAO T-Shirts 
 
 
IMAO T-Shirts
The IMAO T-Shirt Babe (winning picture) YOU BUY NEW SHIRTS NOW!!! Yay! Books!
Capitalism
Archives
By Category
24American Idol Aqua-Adventures Barackalypse Now Best of IMAO 2002 Best of IMAO 2006 Bite-Sized Wisdom Editorials Election 2008 Filthy Lies Frank Answers Frank Discussions Frank on Guns Frank Reads the Bible Frank the Artist Fred Thompson Facts Friday Cat-Blogging Fun Trivia Hellbender Hellbender Take Two Hillary Clinton Terrible Truths Humor I Hate Frank If I Were President ignis fatuous IMAO Condensed IMAO Exclusives IMAO for the Non-Deaf IMAO Reviews IMAO Think Tank In My World In My World - Fan Fiction John Edwards Fabulous Facts Know Thy Enemy lolterizt Michael Moore Mitt Romney Ads News Round-Up Newsish Fakery No, McCain't Our Military Permalink Contest Precision Guided Humor Assignments Ron Paul, Ron Paul, Ron Paul Ronin Profiles Ronin Thought of the Day SarahK's TV stuff Scary Evil Monkey Simpsons Trivia Songs & Poems State of the Frank Report Superego Totally True Tidbits WEsistance Is Facile Why Me Laugh? Yvonne's Ashes By Month
December 2008September 2008 August 2008 July 2008 June 2008 May 2008 April 2008 March 2008 February 2008 January 2008 December 2007 November 2007 October 2007 September 2007 August 2007 July 2007 June 2007 May 2007 April 2007 March 2007 February 2007 January 2007 December 2006 November 2006 October 2006 September 2006 August 2006 July 2006 June 2006 May 2006 April 2006 March 2006 February 2006 January 2006 December 2005 November 2005 October 2005 September 2005 August 2005 July 2005 June 2005 May 2005 April 2005 March 2005 February 2005 January 2005 December 2004 November 2004 October 2004 September 2004 August 2004 July 2004 June 2004 May 2004 April 2004 March 2004 February 2004 January 2004 December 2003 November 2003 October 2003 September 2003 August 2003 July 2003 June 2003 May 2003 April 2003 March 2003 February 2003 January 2003 December 2002 November 2002 October 2002 September 2002 August 2002 July 2002 March 1933
|
AQUAMAN!!!
Stumble It!
