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March 30, 2005
Signs That the Terrorists Are Losing
(A Precision Guided Humor Assignment) More than two years have passed since the beginning of the Iraq War, and despite the elections and evidence of democracy's budding greenery around the Middle East, some people still aren't quite sure who's winning. Some people are dumbasses. If you know someone tragically afflicted with dumbassery, it may be helpful to refer them to this list (in the extended entry) of: * Reuters headline reads "Iraq Parliament Talks Deadlocked" instead of "Iraq Parliament Dead" * The phrase "Iraq Parliament" in ANY Reuters headline. * Fahrenheit 9/11 DVD's start appearing in the "FREE TO GOOD HOME" section of the classifieds. * Gitmo detention facility full of prisoners, Al Qaeda training camps full of corpses. * Muqtada al-Sadr renounces terrorism - starts cat-blogging at LiveJournal. * Al Jazeera refuses to hire Dan Rather because he's "too liberal". Hires Laurie Dhue's younger, hotter sister instead. * It's all about the ratings, man. * New Iraqi flag replaces the words "Allah Akhbar" with the Golden Arches. * New Iraqi currency features the sexy Green M&M. * However, she IS wearing a burkha, so it's not a complete victory. * Statues of Saddam replaced by statues of Britney Spears. * Iraqis no longer demand cash rewards for ratting out insurgents. These days, you can get the whereabouts of a Baath Party leader for half a box of Girl Scout Cookies. * Mmmmm... thin mints... * Terrorists now refer to Iraq as "Islam's greatest military victory since the Six Day War". * Saddam action figures are now a collector's item. * Well... a trash collector's item. * Half of all doggie chew toys sold in America are now labeled "Made From 100% Recycled Terrorist Parts". * The Marine Corp has changed their motto from "Semper Fidelis" to "Hey Allah! Who's Your Daddy?" If you're aware of any obvious signs that I've overlooked, upgrade my knowledge base in the comments. 13 Responses To "Signs That the Terrorists Are Losing"
First! But not first to say congrats to frank and the better half. bid you folks all the peace love and understaning in the world. blessed be #1 - Posted by: ceannrua on March 30, 2005 10:16 PMsecond!!!!one!!!! you can NEVER have too many links to Lebanese protest babes. mmmmmm...babes... #3 - Posted by: prolix on March 30, 2005 10:47 PMTyler! That's close to sacreligous. Mmmm. Thin mints. #5 - Posted by: Nony Mouse on March 31, 2005 01:06 AMThe Marine Corp has changed their motto from "Semper Fidelis" to "Hey Allah! Who's Your Daddy?" -ROFLMAO! D@mnit Harvey, you made me spray coffee all over my monitor! Keep up the excellent work. #6 - Posted by: Good 'Ol Boy on March 31, 2005 09:05 AM* Half of all doggie chew toys sold in America are now labeled "Made From 100% Recycled Terrorist Parts". OK. Very funny:) #7 - Posted by: Russ on March 31, 2005 09:27 AMLaurie Dhue has a hotter, younger sister??? Be still my... heart. #8 - Posted by: docjim505 on March 31, 2005 10:06 AMAnd hotter mini-Dhue? As if it were possible! It goes something like this in my house (when my wife's out of the room): "Hi! I'm Laurie Dhue..." "Oohhhhh! Yes you are!" #9 - Posted by: Undercover Hippie on March 31, 2005 10:45 AMACLU sues Dept. of Homeland Security for denying Saddam application for Flight School. #10 - Posted by: reallygone on March 31, 2005 04:10 PM* Fahrenheit 9/11 DVD's start appearing in the "FREE TO GOOD HOME" section of the classifieds. Too true! I laughed out loud at Blockbuster last week when I found about 12 copies F9/11 in the bargin bin with a bunch of movies I never heard of... #11 - Posted by: Chaser892 on March 31, 2005 08:31 PM* The US is represented in the Middle East by a hot female wearing leather garments #12 - Posted by: Joe Bonforte on April 2, 2005 07:29 PMDog fucking Post a comment
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