Hello,

I'm RightWingDuck. And I'm here to share the news.

I’ll start today’s Round-Up with some sad news.

Terri Schiavo passed away this morning. There was a lot of controversy over this case. Her parents stated that Terri wanted to live. Her husband, Michael, said that she really wanted to die.

Rest in peace, Terri.

In other news, the Pope is getting nutrition through a feeding tube placed in his nose.

Michael Schiavo today announced that the Pope once told him he wouldn’t want to be kept alive through artificial means.

The ACLU is filing suit at the Vatican to ensure religious extremists do not get involved.

The Minuteman project is almost underway in Arizona.

A group of 1,000 or so volunteers will sit across a stretch of the Arizona Mexico border and watch for illegal alien crossings. They will be there with radios, cell phones, and their vehicles.

Think about it: Over 600 cars, in a line, for over a month.

So it’s just like the LA commute, only faster.

The ACLU is fiercely opposed to all of this activity. They feel it is not fair to turn anyone away, unless they’re wearing a a t-shirt with the Ten Commandments.

The Minutemen insist that they are only there to observe. They will call for Border Patrol to come pick them up. In the meantime, they’ll report and track all those crossing into the US.

“Yep, I see one crossing. Yep, I’m following him.”

“I’m passing this one off. I’ve been arrested for stalking. They say I violated their rights. No, I can’t escape to Mexico. I don’t have a visa.”

In an interesting twist of fate a family discovered that their used Toyota Camry had two bricks of cocaine in the gas tank.

The bricks were worth over $40,0000.

The downside, to get to them, they had to empty out all of the gas – which was worth $50,000.

They were surprised, but it also explained why the original registration was wrapped tightly in a balloon.

Isn’t that weird?

When you think about it, I guess it makes sense. When you look at a vehicles fuel performance, it shouldn’t have an asterisk. But then again, it makes it fair for all the other vehicles.

Richard Gere is touring Japan promoting the release of his movie, “Shall We Dance?”

It was cute. In a press conference with Minister Koizumi, Koizumi reached around and started dancing with Gere.

It took a while for Gere to realize what the Minister wanted. So he played along great.

Gere said, “I’ll be the man.”
Koizumi responded with something that, loosely translated meant, “And I’ll be the Gerbil."

Jose Canseco will be joining the cast of the Surreal Life - a reality show that places former celebrities in a house together and films them for 12 weeks.

Jose has had troubles in the past with drugs, guns, and women. He is replacing the regular rock star slot.

Shooting starts in six weeks, just as soon as Jose can track down his old Toyota Camry.

He did it for more fame, a bit more money, and to make sure the Minute Men stopped following him.

Everyone is talking about Britney’s breasts. Rumor is that the change in their size and shape might indicate that she’s pregnant.

So, make sure you keep an eye on her boobs for future updates.

People haven’t been this focused on two boobs since Kerry / Edwards.

In the Michael Jackson trial, a flight attendant testified that Michael never acted inappropriately with any of the boys. She did however testify that Michael was a very private drinker and enjoyed his wine in a Coke can.

I don't get this. He likes to hide the fact that he drinks wine, but she thinks she'd fondle these boys in public?

Michael: "I'm a very private person. Please don't watch me while I drink. Thank you. Billy, come over here and sit on my lap."

Lisa Marie Presley was on the Oprah Winfrey show.

Oprah asked her questions about Michael Jackson and whether their relationship was real. Lisa was sweet about it. She commented that she loved him as much as he was capable.

Nice to see that Michael moved on, too. He wanted to have lots of children.

And he has. Some of them twice.

**

Thanks for visiting. If you have an interesting news bit, please email it to me at rightwingduckatyahoodotcom. BTW, now would be a good time to tell our emailers that I do read the HEADLINES!!! Thank you.

Remember, I can't hear you laugh. If anything made you laugh, post it in comments.

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News Round-Up
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