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April 01, 2005
Glenn Reynold's April Fool's Day
So I was trying to get my blogging done tonight when the phone rang... Harv: Hello? Voice: Hello. I'm calling from the hospital to tell you that your wife was killed in a horrible mangling car accident. We found her nose and ears, but the rest... Harv: Oh. Hi, Glenn. Evil Glenn: April Foo... Wait... how did you know it was me? Harv: You just called me 30 seconds ago with the same line. Evil Glenn: Oh... must've hit redial by mistake. Well, since I've got you on the line, there IS something I wanted to talk to you about? Harv: Yes? Evil Glenn: This Blog War thing is really wearing me down. I want to surrender to the Alliance. Harv: That's very French of you, but we've been down this road before and you didn't keep up your end of the bargain that time, so I know you can't be trusted. Besides, it's still April Fools' Day and I'm not letting you get me twice. Evil Glenn: No, no, I assure you. I'm completely serious. No tricks. Harv: How come you're not surrendering to Frank J.? He's the Fearless Leader of this cabal. Evil Glenn: I tried, but he's not available. Ya know that "I sold the domain to a Korean handle & grip company" stunt that he pulled? Harv: Yeah... Evil Glenn: Well, apparently some people didn't appreciate his April Fools' Day gag. A bunch of his disgruntled fans stormed his house in protest. He's in the hospital now and the doctors are still trying to de-rectify the katana sheath. Harv: Ow! That's gotta be uncomfy! Evil Glenn: Heh. Indeed. But besides that, it's quite obvious that you're the REAL driving force in this organization. You've told more lies than Al Franken, Janeane Garafalo, and Michael Moore combined. You're like a blogospheric Air America. Harv [grinning]: Yeah, I'm pretty despicable, ain't I? Evil Glenn: A man after my own black heart. You're like a son to me. Harv: Awwww... Evil Glenn: A son of a bitch, but still... Harv: Hey! Now just a minute!... Evil Glenn: And another reason I can't hand Instapundit.com over to Frank is that the changeover would be too obvious. I mean, look at IMAO: all that coffee-out-the-nose hilarity combined with witty insightfulness? The brain-dead zombies that read my crap would have seizures. Can you imagine going from "Indeed" to "If there's one thing I learned from history, it's that people from a long time ago were really, really stupid"? - Exploding heads everywhere! Harv: Hmmm... I see your point. And since everyone reads Instapundit, everyone would be dead, leaving me with one less reader. Evil Glenn: Exactly. But with YOUR talentless hackery at the helm - transparent transition. Harv: I see your point, and... Hey! Evil Glenn: No time to waste. I need to you assume command of my dark kingdom. Harv: I don't know... I don't think I'm evil enough. I only had ONE year of law school... Evil Glenn: Feh. The only difference between a law school graduate and a law school dropout is the number of slutty co-eds they coaxed into bed with the line "I'm going to be a lawyer." Harv: 37 Evil Glenn: 111. See? Harv: Ok, so I'm marginally evil... but running an empire? Evil Glenn: I have faith in you, Harv. I think if you put your mind to it, you have the potential to be an Evil Blogospheric Overlord. Let's try something... Pretend you're the new Instapundit... imagine yourself sitting on a throne of blackest ice, your filthy talons caressing a keyboard... Harv: Mmmm... pure evil... Evil Glenn: Ok, now, tell me the truth... could you blend a puppy? Harv: No! That's disgusting! Evil Glenn: Not even a Yorkie? Harv: ...maybe a small one. Evil Glenn: Good. Can you murder a hobo? Harv: ...is he French? Evil Glenn: Well... he smells like it. Harv: Off with his head! Evil Glenn: Worship Satan? Harv: I DO admire Bill Gates? Evil Glenn: It's a start. Robot Dancing? Harv: I did The Hustle once in third grade. Evil Glenn: Hmmm... maybe you're TOO evil... Anyway, praising commies? Harv: NEVER! Evil Glenn: Democrats? Harv: Nope. Evil Glenn: Hippies? Harv: Well, I do have a lava lamp... Evil Glenn: Perfect! Have you ever punched a blogger? Harv: Kinda. When I was doing The Hustle, I tripped over my own feet and ended up jamming my elbow into some guy's eye socket, which made him scream "BLAAAAGH!" Evil Glenn: Close enough. How do you feel about penguin porn? Harv: Sorry. Strictly hetero. I mean, have you SEEN my wife? Evil Glenn: Hmmm... not bad. Put a few feathers on her and... Harv: Watch it... Evil Glenn: Come on, there's gotta be something? Harv: Let's see... penguins eat fish... fish are the symbol for the astrological sign Pisces... Taurus is an astrological sign... symbolized by a bull... which is a male cow... cows are on the Wisconsin State Quarter... my wife is from Wisconsin... and I DO find HER attractive... Evil Glenn: That's a bit of a stretch, but I'll give it to you. So... there ya go. You're evil enough to be the new Instapundit. Now, just click on over to my site and I'll give you the keys to the kingdom. Harv: Oh goody! I can't wait to start to oppressing the blogosphere! Hah. Hrmmm. Indubitably. Evil Glenn: Now just type in the password as I give it to you... Harv: Ah, the POWER! Evil Glenn: A... P... R... I... L... Harv: Ok, go on. Evil Glenn: F... O... O... L Harv: Ok... I hit enter, but nothing happened. Evil Glenn: Uh... let me spell that to you again... A... P... R... I... L... F... O... O... L Harv: Nope, still nothing. Evil Glenn: You idiot! April Fool! Harv: You're the idiot! That password doesn't work! Evil Glenn: You... never mind. Look, you just keep working on it. I'm gonna go pop a Schnauzer in the Waring. Call me back once you figure it out... Dumbass. [click] So as soon as I get this password to work, Instapundit.com will FINALLY be under Alliance control. I'll let you know as soon as I crack his site. A...P... R...
12 Responses To "Glenn Reynold's April Fool's Day"
Harv: Let's see... penguins eat fish... fish are the symbol for the astrological sign Pisces... Taurus is an astrological sign... symbolized by a bull... which is a male cow... cows are on the Wisconsin State Quarter... my wife is from Wisconsin... and I DO find HER attractive... LOL! I loved it Harv! #1 - Posted by: scott on April 1, 2005 09:35 PMGood one. Let us know if you finally get the log-in to work... #2 - Posted by: GEBIV on April 1, 2005 09:56 PMThe password to Instapundit's admin functions is "Penguiporn". Everyone knows that. #3 - Posted by: The Babaganoosh on April 1, 2005 10:38 PMEvil Glenn: This Blog War thing is really wearing me down. I want to surrender to the Alliance. Harv: That's very French of you, but... Beautiful Harvey! Very Funny. #4 - Posted by: Tyler on April 1, 2005 11:17 PMas someone who's pioneered the use of "evil" in front of my name...wouldn't that guy's name just be "Glenn" ? seems redundant if you ask me #5 - Posted by: evil macstansbury on April 1, 2005 11:20 PMfantastic harvey- I needed a good laugh #6 - Posted by: BSG is #1 on April 2, 2005 02:17 AMGlenn fooled you twice! We all know he watches horse-on-pig porn obsessively. #7 - Posted by: Tom on April 2, 2005 03:25 AMA classic! You should post this every year :-) #8 - Posted by: Sally on April 2, 2005 05:56 AMha! very funny, Harv. maybe it's because i'm a complete nerd, but i thought the funniest part was the way you typed out instapundo delenda est. #9 - Posted by: sarahk on April 2, 2005 07:39 AM I don't figure that Frnak could take over the Evil Instapundit Empire, anyhow. SarahK wouldn't allow the necessary perversions. Hey!!! The "praising commies" link is busted >:-[ I wanted to read that! #11 - Posted by: jaime cincocentavos on April 4, 2005 01:46 PMasian porn dvdasian dvd vidoesasian adult dvdasian dvdasiandvdasian sex dvdasiansexdvdadult asian dvdasian dvd adultasian vcd dvdasian dvd vcdasian xxx dvdasian movie dvdasianadultdvdasian adult dvd moviedvd asian downloadadult asian dvd vcdasian dvd moviesdvd asian adult xxxasian dvd storesdvd asian previewasian import dvdasian av vcd dvdasian dvd wholesaleasian tranny dvdasian sex dvd cdadult asian dvdsnude asian photobook dvdall asian dvdasian divas dvdbondage asian dvd shopasian model dvdasian dvd porndvd asian pornadult dvd asiandvd erotik asian girlsasian bondage shop dvddvd erotik asianasian teen dvduncensored asian dvddvdasianasian big tits dvd orderasian dvd authoringasian dvd pornoasian demon lust dvdbondage pornos dvd shop asianasian school girl dvdasian xx dvdasian download fuck dvdcheap asian xxx dvdasian adult dvd #12 - Posted by: fd on April 7, 2005 02:04 PMPost a comment
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