Hello,

I'm RightWingDuck, and I'm here to share the news.

Some sad news. Pope John Paul II died this weekend.

Catholics around the world mourn the loss of this religous leader.

I'm not Catholic anymore, but I respect any person who dedicates his life to serving the Lord.

I was watching Spanish TV when they broadcast the announcement. The man on the street interviews had people saying things such as, "He made a difference", "He served God his whole life" and "I hope he's in a better place now.

I thought - You HOPE he's in a better place?

Man, if he can't get in, I am so royally screwed....

Seriously...He was a leader who made an impact and I hope his soul is at rest.

Inother news, a man assaulted Pat Buchanan by throwing salad dressing all over him at arecent speech

The young man was arrested on a minor charge as Pat refused to press assault charges.

Man, that is so stressful. In fact, to help ease the stress, Pat will be going away on a vacation... to the Thousand Islands.

Just kidding, I mean to his RANCH DRESSING hahahahahaha.

Ahem. anyway...

Koran scholar says that the USA will cease to exist by 2007. They base this from their interpretation of their sacred texts - the ACLU talking points memos.

A new lab study shows that rats laugh when you tickle them.
Which goes to show you that maybe we need drug testing in laboratories.

"Hmmm. Johnson, you know what I'd like to investigate?"
"Dude, you're ruining my buzz."
"I'd like to see if rats laugh if you tickle them."
"Whao, that is so deep. Let apply for a grant"

Yes, we know they laugh. But do we know if it turns them on?

The Colorado Governor apologized for making a racially insensitive remark.
At an event for Native Americans, he claimed, "The Natives are getting wrestless."

Which wasn't as bad as his previous insensitive remark, "How about them Washington Redskins!!"

A top Boy Scout Official has been arrested on Child Porn charges.

The quiet behavior, the odd expressions, the love of Michael Jackson music.The signs were there!!

How many OTHER Scout officals were lobbying for a clothing optional Jamboree?

Question. When he completes his time in prison, which merit badge does he get?

A 37 year old Bronx teacher is in trouble for paying a homeless guy two bucks to take the teacher's certification test.

You know how you can tell there's testing going on a at a Bronx school? The halls are full of shopping carts.

So, anyway, the teacher's name is Brightly. The reporters go to Brightly's home to get the story. A man about his age and size answers the door. They ask, 'Are you Brightly?"

He answers, "No, I'm my son."

At first I thought - two bucks? what a cheapskate, then I realized - we really need to pay these teachers more. They are so worth it!!

A 15 year old has been arrested in a plot to blow up shis chool

This is sick. Are these kids really inspired by what they see on the news?

Here's an idea!! Try having a news broadcast with students doing their homework and graduating!! Play it non stop on all the networks --- then wait and watch!

Schools in Oregon are limiting junk food sales to students.

Not because it's makes them healthier, they just want them to be smaller targets.

A new government study is out covering the potenial of the internet. Sadly the study was requested 7 years ago.

The report titled, "Signposts in Cyberspace" details a comprehensive study of the internet.

Personally, I read the study and am trying to implement many of its recommendations.

Anybody know where I can get a good deal on a Tandy?

Another study is showing that many of the particles in the air are actualy dandruff flakes.

People are questioning the study because they suspect corporate involvement. The study states clearly that if the right measure were taken, our air could stand HEAD & SHOULDERS above the rest.

So remember, kids - wash your hair faithfully, and when people come to your town they'll say...

Gee, Your Air Smells Terrific!!

Jane Fonda said that the infamous Hanoi Jane picture was a betrayal. She apologized for all of the hurt she may have caused those veterans who served faithfully.

Jane now has something John Kerry will never have. The respect of the Swift Boat Vetreans.

Sandy Berger pled guilty to taking classified documents They would have really thrown the book at him, but the court system had a hard time with the evidence - mostly because nobody wanted to handle it. (These documents have been WHERE?)

In England, a woman at a townhall, yelled at Tony Blair because the public Dental System is so bad, that she had to yank out 7 of her own teeth -with a pair of pliers.

There are many private dentists, but she can't afford it. A least not right now she can't. But factor in the tooth fairy money ... one more tooth.

This story has gotten a lot of coverage here in the states. I guess when you hear about somebody missing seven teeth - it just makes you miss the National Hockey League.

NFL is seeking better steriod testng and wants to match the standards of the Olympics. If you fail once, no Olympic level comptetition for two years. If you fail a second time, no Olympics EVER.

As you know. Baseball was recently raked over the hot coals because they have very low standards.

However, Baseball plans to follow the same Olympic standard.

Fail twice, and no Olympics forever.

Former baseball slugger, Jose Canseco, who in now way wrote his tell all book just for the money - is going to be starring on season five of the Surreal Life.

The surreal life is a reality series where old Has-beens and other semi famous people hang out in a house and get to do fun projects. It has revived many a career like.. um.. that girl with the thing - and that guy. You know?

I'm not sure he gets it. He hopes he doesn't get voted off right away.

The Academy is suing over Oscar tickets which were sold for private use. Just so people could hobnob with the rich and famous.

The academy has always done badly in lawsuits.

It's their own fault really.

"Your honor, ladies and gentlemen of the jury, people of California. We come here today to prove to you...

Orchestra Starts Playing..

"Oh, I never have enough time. There are so many people to blame. I should have written this down."

Which is a shame. Really. Because I would kill to hear somebody say...

"And the verdict goes to..this is my favorite part."

The project to build a NYC Stadium has cleared some major hurdles

Original challenges included zoning, environmental reports, and which teamster to bury under the bleachers.

If the stadium, happens - then the Olympics might not be too far behind. This would be good for New York which seems to have difficulty attracting international visitors but DOES seem to get a lot of visitors from Vermont.

The NBA playoff slots are almost decided. The Lakers are so out of it it's not even funny. We in Los Angeles are heartbroken.

The good news is that Kobe Bryant has stated that he's looking forward to next season.

Unfortunately, he meant the next season of the Surreal Life.

Well, that's all for today. Remember to enjoy life. Tonight I'm going to party likes its 2006!!!

**

Thanks.

What made you laugh? Post in comments.

Peace.

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