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April 08, 2005
RWD's News Round-Up, Friday
Hurray! You came back for another day of round-ups!! I just know we’re going to lose readers once the new Britney/Kevin show gets going. Are you excited? Britney Spears and her husband, Kevin, have penned a deal to make a reality show based on their daily lives. Hooray. I was worried about that. We just don’t see enough of this woman. She’s really excited. If all goes well, she could become the next Jessica Simpson, or Paris Hilton. He’s excited too. If all goes well, people might stop seeing him as a freeloader.
In fact, they say if you go to Mexico and you don’t have your passport, you won’t be able to get back in. You know what this could lead to? That’s right – Illegal AMERICANS. I say make them run across the border at midnight. This way we find out who REALLY loves this country. The Los Angeles Lakers are now officially out of the playoffs. Yep. It’s all over except for watching Shaq on TV trying to win another ring.. So, it looks like Kobe’s court time is going to be coming to an end. - Unless he gets himself arrested again. In LA we debate whether it was wise to trade the tall arrogant one and have the short arrogant one stay behind. Man, it’s like the Democrats deciding: John Kerry or Howard Dean? Except the Lakers know what it's like to win.
I didn’t read the article. It was way over on the other side of the couch. Who knows. This has not gone over too well. Protesters were planning a massive rally, then they realized it required 20 minutes of standing. So they went to the local IHOP and chanted slogans at the wait staff. Hey hey. Ho ho. Low fat has got to go. In Canada, a beer truck toppled, spilling thousands of bottles of beer.
Even sadder, two stray animals were killed. They had beer battered roadkill. They've never seen that in Canada. Kentucky, yes. Canada, no.
In China, those with extra money are now splurging to make themselves TALLER!!
They dial the adjustment knobs daily, forcing the ends of the broken limbs to pull away from each other even as they heal. As new bone grows, the device forces it apart again, resulting in more new bone to fill the gap. Patients on the device typically gain about 3 inches in six months.” This procedure, developed by John “Daddy Longlegs” Chang, is turning out to be quite popular. Especially among those wanting to be actors. I can just imagine people in China saying, “I want to be tall, like Tom Cruise or Dustin Hoffman.” The guys are lucky, their model comes with a remote control.
Two Chinese guys checking out a girl in a bar.. “Hey, she’s hot.” What gets me is that ACTORS are getting this procedure done! If there’s one place in the world you can hide flaws, it’s in a film!! “Mr. Cruise. Could you step over here in this light. Wonderful. Yes, stand right there next to the thimble.”
Funny, I once attended a funeral that was caused by 5 queens. Actually, there were four, but then the fifth one fell out of the sleeve... Mysteriously enough, John Kerry has shown up in Rome on crutches. His spokesperson says he’s had medical treatment for his knees. It’s from years of marathoning, and hockey playing.
The better question is this: Is he looking taller?
Price for two drinks: $20.00 On the plus side for Vicks, no more waiting in line for the showers!! Get this. It appears that Vicks sought treatment under a fake name -Ron Mexico. Which, by the way, is a great name to assume when treating problems “south of the border”. Vick. Remember, if you wish to come back – you’ll need a passport. ** That's all. Remember: I can't hear you laugh. Please post in comments and let me know what got a laugh out of you :) 16 Responses To "RWD's News Round-Up, Friday"
First!!! Did Kerry ask that the reporters wait so he could get a practice run on the crutches, before they filmed him? #1 - Posted by: Eric on April 8, 2005 10:29 AMRon Mexico is going to be the name of my firstborn son. #2 - Posted by: Dave D on April 8, 2005 10:38 AMI love your demented mind. That is all. #3 - Posted by: Bikermommy on April 8, 2005 10:51 AMHeh! Good stuff. :o) If you ask me, though, Ron Mexico sounds like a porn name. "Tonight on Cinemax After Hours, Ron Mexico and Jenna Jameson star in the erotic thriller, Stanky On The Down-Low. XoD #4 - Posted by: AWG on April 8, 2005 11:01 AMOK, here are the jokes I liked. A few had me laughing aloud in the computer lab here, giving people the opportunity to think "What's that idiot laughing at?" --Protestors chanting at the IHOP wait staff. --The beer company is carrying out an investigation and the driver could be in trouble if they discover he was driving while sober. --John Chang's "Daddy Longlegs" nickname. --The whole Kerry thing was good, especially the "Yeah, and Monica's lip blister was from stress." --The kicker about Vick needing a passport to come back was a GREAT clincher. Very clever. Good work...as usual. #5 - Posted by: Dr. John Allan on April 8, 2005 11:02 AMMysteriously enough, John Kerry has shown up in Rome on crutches. His spokesperson says he’s had medical treatment for his knees. It’s from years of marathoning, and hockey playing. Naaa.. I think he's crankin'. #6 - Posted by: Michael on April 8, 2005 11:09 AMYou'e outdone yourself,Ducky! I can't pick one over another,as they all had me rolling.Seriously funny stuff today! I wonder if Britney will get lip-synch lessons from Ashlee Simpson? Better than lip lessons from Monica. ;) #7 - Posted by: Moe on April 8, 2005 11:52 AMOkay, here's a question. This is the second time I've done a roundup without the hyperlinks. Anybody miss them? I did hyperlink the Chinese story as that was a very unusual story. #8 - Posted by: RightWingDuck on April 8, 2005 12:04 PMI personally like the links,and I always click them unless I already have read the story earlier.Maybe put a little poll up on a heavy traffic day,and see what the others say. #9 - Posted by: Moe on April 8, 2005 12:17 PMYou might want to work on that one link you've got there. I realize that both paragraphs are supposed to be linked, but only the first one sends me anywhere. Using Opera, in an effort of full disclosure. #10 - Posted by: Andrew on April 8, 2005 12:52 PMAndrew, there's only one link on that, but yes, I thought I could highlight both paragraphs. #11 - Posted by: RightWingDuck on April 8, 2005 12:56 PMI laughed about the Britney and Kevin part. And the Kerry part. And the Monica part. And the chinese crank part. Actually, I laughed at all of it. #12 - Posted by: Suzanne on April 8, 2005 03:52 PMAnother great laugh to end the day. Oh, I like the links. #13 - Posted by: KathyK on April 8, 2005 04:19 PM"I didn’t read the article. It was way over on the other side of the couch." I know the feeling. #14 - Posted by: javaslinger on April 9, 2005 03:40 PMHey hey hey! "Nah, she probably cranks." I'd love to know how to say that in Chinese! 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