Hello,

I'm RightWingDuck, and I'm here to share the news.

I continue to be awed by the power of science.

Scientists have figured out how to control a fly by remote control.
http://asia.news.yahoo.com/050411/ap/d89dbiro2.html

That is so cool. They can use lasers and other stuff to actually control the fly’s brain.

Now. You’re probably wondering what value there could be in being able to do this.

You probably would imagine two researchers controlling a fly around the room.

“Man, this is so cool.”
“Yeah, I know."
"Oooh! Why don’t we make it crash into the garbage cans?”

However, they hope that by studying the brain impulses, they can figure out the brain process of people, in particular those who commit acts of violence and those who overeat.

“Look at that guy over there. That’s his third trip to the buffet.”
“What a pig.”
“Yeah, I know. Why don’t we make him crash into those garbage cans?”

Operating the brain of a fly? Those scientists have an inspirational project.

They got the idea from watching the New York Times guide the Democrats on social issues.

Best Buy is in the news (Hat tip: Wizbang)

Best Buy called the police on a man who tried to pay for a purchase with a stack of $2 bills.

so remember kids, Best Buy is the place to go for all of the latest technology.
They’ve just never heard of $2 bills.

The company is so suspicious of this latest development and they have even banned their internet site from carrying out all transactions that have a 2 in the final amount.

Man, these guys are good. Here a blurb from their new training guide.

“If a customer’s total is $5.00 and he pays with a $7 dollar bill, remember that you must give him two singles. Stay alert for the $2 bill!!"

Best Buy is working hard at giving good service. They’re also working hard on another chronic employee problem: crashing into garbage cans.

Professional Golf announced that they will start accepting transgender golfers. Female golfers are protesting this move saying they in essence would be playing against castrated men.

Castrated men? You know, can I have ONE monologue where something doesn’t remind me of JOHN KERRY??

This could turn out to be good news for transgender players. However, they might go through some radical changes when they try to get past security.

“I’m sorry. You’re not allowed to play here, ma’am.”
“What? I played at Augusta just last year.”
“Yes, but that’s when you had a penis. No females. Why don’t you go shopping?”

An advisor to Republican politicians, Arthur Finkelstein, is coming under fire for having gone out and gotten married to his same sex partner of 40 years.

Many on the Left see this as hypocritical.

Personally, I’m happy for the guy. The gay scene is so wild these days, it's always nice when you can find somebody who is sponge-bob-worthy.

In Washington, police were praised for tackling a man who “stationed himself on the west side of the Capitol and asked to see the president.”

Not everyone is happy. Today, the White House received a complaint from the National Association of Door to Door Luggage Sellers.

Turns out the guy had two suitcases full of cash. Oh, man. He was just trying to buy gas!!

The cost of gasoline is reaching record levels here in Los Angeles.

In fact, it's gotten so bad, that police are now beating up motorists - just for their gasoline.

It's so bad, criminals are robbing banks and getting away by bus.

It's so bad, we miss the days when it was raining and houses were sliding down hills. At the time, we called it sad, and horrible that millions of dollars were lost. Today- we'd call it a cheap commute.

In Germany, a terrorist attack simulation involving over 1,000 people experienced some problems when a train used in the simulation caught on fire. Sadly,18 people were hurt.

The German government learns from it’s mistakes. On the next training drill, they will prohibit the use of flares, combustibles, and method actors.

The exercise was going smoothly until flames broke out in the rear of the train. At first they thought it was Finkelstein on his honeymoon!!

A woman, who settled out of court with Jackson previously, testified against Michael saying that he begged her to let her son sleep with him. In fact, when she said no, she says that Michael starting crying.

See, it’s always tough when these celebrities let themselves go limp and drop to the floor. She should have done what all those mothers do at the supermarket, she should have dragged Michael out by one arm.

MJ: I wanna sleep with your boooooooyt!!Waaaaaaaaaaaaaah!
Mom: Come on Michael. If you don’t know how to act, we’re going home.

There are some big changes coming to Sesame Street.

The Cookie Monster will be cutting back on cookies in favor of more healthy alternatives.

The creators of the show felt that they needed to have more balance. Especially since Big Bird really let himself go.

So now we can expect wonderful scenes like...

Elmo: Cookie Monster, would you like a cookie. Elmo has lots of cookies!

CM: Cookies? I love cookies. (singing)Cookies. Cookies. Cookie Monster love cookies. Oh wait, how many carb in cookies?

**

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