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April 12, 2005
In My World: The Ambassador the U.N. Deserves
Karl Rove emerged from the shadows. "Are the plans in motion?" "Yeah, everything is good," President Bush answered, "Rummy is right now meeting with the Iraqis in Baghdad." * * * * "Rarr!" Rumsfeld shouted as he violently shook an Iraqi, "You get your government together so I can move on to attacking other countries!" * * * * John Negroponte came into the Oval Office. "Hey, Negroponte," Bush said to him, "How did the hearings go?" "Everybody loved me! They even sang me a song!" "Cool! Hopefully things will go as well for Mr. Mustache." * * * * "My first question is why someone who despises the U.N. so much would even want this job?" Senatorette Barbara Boxer said. "I don't!" John Bolton answered, pounding the table, "Getting this job will make me violent and angry!" He then rubbed his glasses. "Is that a woman asking me questions? They let women be Senators now? No one told me this!" "See, this is what we need; someone who doesn't even want the job for his own personal ambitions," Senator Richard Lugar remarked. "Do you think you will be able to work with Kofi Anan?" Senator Joe Biden asked Bolton. "If I ever see him in person, I'll bash his head in with a rock!" Bolton vowed. "Those are the words of a reformer," Senator George Allen stated. "But what will other countries think?" Senatorette Boxed exclaimed. Bolton pointed to his face. "Does this look like the mustache of a man who cares what other people think?" "Is it true you have vowed to make all in the U.N. pay for their alleged incompetency with blood?" asked Biden. "I'll gut them like pigs!" Bolton shouted, wielding a custom made shiv. "I think it's good we have someone who is not afraid to take on the U.N.'s corruption," Lugar commented. "I'll strangle them with their own entrails," Bolton yelled, cutting the air with his shiv. "Do you even know anything about diplomacy?" Senatorette Boxer inquired. "Does that mean I kills them alphabetically?" Bolton responded, looking confused. "We have Carl W. Ford Jr. here to testify that Bolton intimidated other officials," Biden announced. Ford sat down to testify, and Bolton pointed his shiv at him while staring at Ford with crazy eyes. "You have something to say about me intimidating people?" Bolton demanded. Ford wet his pants and ran off. "No!" "And we have reports that you've already started things off on the wrong foot," Biden said, "Having hit Kofi Anan's son with your car and shoved him into a duffle bag." "That's my business, and I'm not answering questions about it!" Bolton shouted. "Help me!" said the wriggling duffle bag lying next to Bolton, "I'm Kojo!" Bolton started stomping the bag. "Duffle bags don't talk!" Bolton looked to the Senators. "So when do I start?" 14 Responses To "In My World: The Ambassador the U.N. Deserves"
I think we should put more diplomat's children in dufflebags. it's warm, and cozy AND there's that big zipper to keep them company. #1 - Posted by: Welshmnky on April 12, 2005 11:20 AMReminds me of my last job interview - although it was the boss's wife I had in the duffel bag. #2 - Posted by: kev on April 12, 2005 11:27 AMThanks Frank... made me laugh out loud at work. Could you tell the other members of the blog to... I dunno.. be funny? Just kidding, guys. #3 - Posted by: Justin Buist on April 12, 2005 11:30 AMI dunno - I hope IMW doesn't overdo the "Violent, Murderous Official" character sketch, what with Rummy, and recently Fat Man and now Mustache. Could get tiresome. #4 - Posted by: The Babaganoosh on April 12, 2005 11:50 AMClassic! You've gotta keep this guy as a regular IMW character. Maybe he could be Chomps' dog-sitter when Rummys away. Anyway, great job Frank! #5 - Posted by: Good 'Ol Boy on April 12, 2005 11:51 AM"And we have reports that you've already started things off on the wrong foot," Biden said, "Having hit Kofi Anan's son with your car and shoved him into a duffle bag." "That's my business, and I'm not answering questions about it!" Bolton shouted. "Help me!" said the wriggling duffle bag lying next to Bolton, "I'm Kojo!" Great stuff, Frank. :oD #6 - Posted by: AWG on April 12, 2005 12:22 PM"I dunno - I hope IMW doesn't overdo the "Violent, Murderous Official" character sketch ..." Rummy strangles people while Bolton has a homemade shiv. That is enough difference to keep me entertained! BTW, am I the only one cursed with thinking of Michael Bolton every time that John Bolton is mentioned? Please kill me. #7 - Posted by: gaskar on April 12, 2005 01:07 PM"Does this look like the mustache of a man who cares what other people think?" Oh man, you're killin' me! Great stuff, all of it. #8 - Posted by: jimmyb on April 12, 2005 01:37 PMI see great differences already between Rummy and Bolton. Rumsfeld's Rage is more directed, more sophisticated. As he shakes the Iraqi, we understand his motivation. He just wants to get on to bombing other countries, and who can blame him? I don't think it's necessarily a "home-made" shiv. The text described it as a "custom made shiv", which could mean that Bolton had it made for him, to his specifications, by someone else. #10 - Posted by: AWG on April 12, 2005 03:33 PMAWG you just made bolton sound like a diplomate... I think he should be forced to shave that stash off, or one of them PETA people might spay paint it thinking it's the fur from some small rodent... #11 - Posted by: DamnAmericanneocon on April 12, 2005 07:29 PMWhat jimmyb said. #12 - Posted by: HeatherF on April 12, 2005 07:38 PMOhmygawd, Frank, I laughed so hard my masscara ran. I gotta go catch it.... #13 - Posted by: BFOL on April 12, 2005 11:08 PMWot jimmyb and HeatherF said. To paraphrase Wash on "Firefly", you see a man with a 'tache like that, you know he ain't scared of NObody. #14 - Posted by: David Ross on April 13, 2005 01:38 AMPost a comment
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