About IMAO



Giving money to Frank J. makes you happy!


Buy funniest book ever!





IMAO Podcasts
IMAO Merchandise and Newsletter

Cool shirts, mugs, stickers, and what-not!

About IMAO
Then conquer we must, for our cause is just, 
And this be our motto--'In God is our trust.' 
And the star-spangled banner in triumph doth wave 
O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave.


If you want to send something by snail mail, e-mail with subject "P.O. Box" to get mail information for Frank J. and SarahK.

About Frank J.

Bloggers:
Frank J.
Harvey
RightWingDuck
Cadet Happy
spacemonkey
Laurence Simon
SarahK

Popular Categories
Fred Thompson Facts
John Edwards Fabulous Facts
lolterizt
IMAO Condensed
Know Thy Enemy
Editorials
Frank the Artist
In My World
Other Content
Ode to Violence
Brief Histories
IMAO Audio Bits


Read the Essay
Own the Shirt
Peace Gallery
Search IMAO
Google
Web www.imao.us
Testimonials
"All quotes attributed to me on IMAO are made up... including this one."
-Glenn Reynolds

"Unfunny treasonous ronin!"
-Lou Tulio*

"You, sir, are a natural born killer."
-E. Harrington

"You'll never get my job! Never!!!"
-Jonah Goldberg

"In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth. And He did despair, for in His omniscience, He did know that His creations had but three-fifths of the splendor of that which would be IMAO."
-No One of Consequence

"A blogger with a sense of humor."
-Some Woman on MSNBC
Blogroll
Ace of Spades HQ
The Anti-Idiotarian Rottweiler
Blackfive
Captain's Quarters
Classical Values
Conservative Grapevine
The Corner
The Daily Gut (with Jim Treacher!)
Dave in Texas
Eject! Eject! Eject!
Electric Venom
Hot Air
Puppy Blender
La Shawn Barber's Corner
Michelle Malkin
Pereiraville
Protein Wisdom
Rachel Lucas
Right Wing News
Scrappleface
Serenity's Journal
Townhall Blog

IMAO Blogroll
Bad Example
Cadet Happy
The Flying Space Monkey Chronicles
mountaineer musings
Right Wing Duck
SarahK & Cadet Happy snark TV
This Blog Is Full of Crap

Fred Thompson Links
Fred File
Blogs for Fred
Fred Thompson Facts
Awards



 

April 13, 2005
RWD's News Round-Up, Wednesday
Posted by RightWingDuck at 12:40 PM | View blog reactions | Comments (8)

Hello,

I'm RightWingDuck and I'm here to share the news.

Sorry for the late posting today. I got home late last night and never had the chance to catch up. You know, it's tough juggling all these responsibilities. I struggle to be a good dad, a loving husband, and a hard working “little Eichmann.”

I’m working later hours just so I can afford the essentials of life- gasoline!!

Gas is getting expensive and it's starting to hurt an already aching airline industry. I'm lucky. I recently bagged a bargain airfare.

Of course, there was a catch. Half of us had to distract the neighboring American Airlines plane by doing the "chicken dance" on the tarmac, while the other half siphoned out its jet fuel.

In all fairness, we were given extra mints. Distracting is hard work.

Some students from Purdue have scored a major prize for the third year in a row. The Rube Goldberg contest this year had a goal: to create a device that changes the batteries in a flashlight and do it in as many steps as possible. Their winning project had 125 steps to it!!

It was touch and go at the beginning; when they realized their kit didn't include the batteries.

So they went to neighboring MIT team and started doing the "chicken dance"....

Amazing. 125 steps to complete a single task, or as the IRS would call it – the Short Form.

Interestingly enough, that is not the world record. The all time record is held by John Kerry who took 759 steps to explain if he supported the Iraq War.

Well, 760 if you count yesterday, but he’s on crutches – so that might call for an asterisk or something.


As you know, Republican consultant, Arthur Finkelstein is gay.

HAAHAHAHAHAHA That’s funny.

What? You want more? Okay. Okay.

Arthur is helping gather funds for the Defeat Hillary campaign. Bill Clinton does not like this and has said that Mr. Finkelstein suffers from “Self Loathing.”

Perhaps if Finkelstein applies himself and the Principles of Bill, he can one day reach Bill’s level- Self Pleasure.

BTW, if there so many people out there who indeed are gay, then why do liberals hate it when one of them turns out to be conservative? Aren’t there plenty to go around?

If the Republicans can find one more gay conservative to you know what we’d have? DIVERSITY!!!


John Edwards went off on a rant recently stating that Hillary is not the frontrunner for 2008 and that he’s still a good candidate.


He’s getting cocky over that one little electoral vote- which was cast by accident.


Or should I say 'Ewards" – since the Elector spelled the name wrong.


One Electoral Vote! One!! I haven't seen that much false overconfidence since Saddam Hussein snagged an extra fruit cup.


Needless to say, Hillary is not happy that so many oppose her for the Presidency which she assures us she really doesn’t want and who the hell are you to keep her from being president again – I mean, one day.


Camel racing is big in the Arab Emirates. It’s like NASCAR without all the endorsement stickers stuck everywhere!!


Camel racing is going to have some big changes coming – The Robot Jockey.


For years, human rights organizations have protested the use of children as Jockeys. So they tried out some Robot Jockeys and the royal family was pleased with the demonstration.

Of course, we never know if this drastic a change will last long term. I can just see them trying to sneak kids back into the races.

Red Cross: I was watching that race and that sir is no robot! Bring that over here!!
Prince Abdul: Of course it’s a robot, don’t you see? It’s all shiny and everything.
Red Cross: This is a boy in a C3PO costume!
Prince Abdul: I respectfully disagree. This is a genuine android. Top of the line.
Red Cross: Look at his costume. It says right there: Star Wars!!
Abudl: Yes. Um. Er. That is our sponsor?


Bush is entertaining Ariel Sharon at his ranch in Texas. They seem to get along great.They started becoming friends ever since President Bush stopped saying, “Tee hee. Sharon – that’s a girl’s name.”


The Prez is quite the considerate host. Sharon was homesick so Bush took one of the cabins and had it bulldozed.


Of course, many were shocked by this including the Secret Service, the ranch manager, and the Ambassador of Burkastan – who at the time was inside the cabin.


Chinese protesters got violent and went on a rampage against the Japanese embassy. They were furious at the recent edition of Japanese history textbooks and the downplaying of Japanese violence during World War II.

After the rampage, protesters gathered to celebrate in Tiananmen Square, or as the Chinese call it -Happy Happy Sunshine Place.


China and India have come to an important treaty. Do you know why? Because even China -with it's girl killing, leg stretching, Taiwan threatening faults understands the importance of one little thing...SECURING YOUR BORDERS!!


Britney Spears has finally admitted to America what we already knew....she’s pregnant.


In an interview with a 10 year old for her school paper the little reporter said “It's good you told us before your water broke.”

Britney responded, “Aren’t you cute? I have to tell you sweetheart- water is soft – it doesn’t break.”


Her new reality show is now going to have such a real dimension. We are so going to be able to relate to her. Like when she’s shopping and she can’t figure out if she should buy the entire boys department, or the entire girls department. I feel her pain.


Music labels are trying to figure out how to deal with the problem of college students downloading music for free. Now, the Industry is in NO WAY out of touch with the needs of young people. That is NOT the reason why CD sales are down. We can only blame music downloading software.

Music sales should improve soon. Britney is coming out with a new single –“Me reading my grocery list.” It’s available at record stores for $19.99 or free by illegal download.

In other news, Britney’s label announced the signing of a new superstar!!

They haven’t heard him sing, but they think he’ll be very popular. So keep an ear out for the music of - Ron Mexico.

If you're a regular reader you'll get that one. :)

**

That's all.

What made you laugh? Post in comments.

Rating: 2.8/5 (23 votes cast)

News Round-Up
Email This | Add to del.icio.us | Digg this | StumbleUpon Toolbar Stumble It!
 

Buy IMAO T-Shirts


IMAO T-Shirts

The IMAO T-Shirt Babe
(winning picture) YOU BUY NEW SHIRTS NOW!!!
Yay! Books!





Capitalism
Archives
By Category
24
American Idol
Aqua-Adventures
Barackalypse Now
Best of IMAO 2002
Best of IMAO 2006
Bite-Sized Wisdom
Editorials
Election 2008
Filthy Lies
Frank Answers
Frank Discussions
Frank on Guns
Frank Reads the Bible
Frank the Artist
Fred Thompson Facts
Friday Cat-Blogging
Fun Trivia
Hellbender
Hellbender Take Two
Hillary Clinton Terrible Truths
Humor
I Hate Frank
If I Were President
ignis fatuous
IMAO Condensed
IMAO Exclusives
IMAO for the Non-Deaf
IMAO Reviews
IMAO Think Tank
In My World
In My World - Fan Fiction
John Edwards Fabulous Facts
Know Thy Enemy
lolterizt
Michael Moore
Mitt Romney Ads
News Round-Up
Newsish Fakery
No, McCain't
Our Military
Permalink Contest
Precision Guided Humor Assignments
Ron Paul, Ron Paul, Ron Paul
Ronin Profiles
Ronin Thought of the Day
SarahK's TV stuff
Scary Evil Monkey
Simpsons Trivia
Songs & Poems
State of the Frank Report
Superego
Totally True Tidbits
WEsistance Is Facile
Why Me Laugh?
Yvonne's Ashes
By Month
December 2008
September 2008
August 2008
July 2008
June 2008
May 2008
April 2008
March 2008
February 2008
January 2008
December 2007
November 2007
October 2007
September 2007
August 2007
July 2007
June 2007
May 2007
April 2007
March 2007
February 2007
January 2007
December 2006
November 2006
October 2006
September 2006
August 2006
July 2006
June 2006
May 2006
April 2006
March 2006
February 2006
January 2006
December 2005
November 2005
October 2005
September 2005
August 2005
July 2005
June 2005
May 2005
April 2005
March 2005
February 2005
January 2005
December 2004
November 2004
October 2004
September 2004
August 2004
July 2004
June 2004
May 2004
April 2004
March 2004
February 2004
January 2004
December 2003
November 2003
October 2003
September 2003
August 2003
July 2003
June 2003
May 2003
April 2003
March 2003
February 2003
January 2003
December 2002
November 2002
October 2002
September 2002
August 2002
July 2002
March 1933