 |
|
|
|
About IMAO Giving money to Frank J. makes you happy!  Buy funniest book ever!  IMAO Podcasts IMAO Merchandise and Newsletter
 Cool shirts, mugs, stickers, and what-not!
About IMAO
If you want to send something by snail mail, e-mail with subject "P.O. Box" to get mail information for Frank J. and SarahK. About Frank J. Bloggers: Frank J. Harvey RightWingDuck Cadet Happy spacemonkey Laurence Simon SarahK Popular Categories
Fred Thompson FactsJohn Edwards Fabulous Facts lolterizt IMAO Condensed Know Thy Enemy Editorials Frank the Artist In My World Other Content
Ode to ViolenceBrief Histories IMAO Audio Bits  Read the Essay Own the Shirt Peace Gallery Search IMAO
Testimonials
"All quotes attributed to me on IMAO are made up... including this one."
-Glenn Reynolds "Unfunny treasonous ronin!" -Lou Tulio* "You, sir, are a natural born killer." -E. Harrington "You'll never get my job! Never!!!" -Jonah Goldberg "In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth. And He did despair, for in His omniscience, He did know that His creations had but three-fifths of the splendor of that which would be IMAO." -No One of Consequence "A blogger with a sense of humor." -Some Woman on MSNBC Blogroll
Ace of Spades HQThe Anti-Idiotarian Rottweiler Blackfive Captain's Quarters Classical Values Conservative Grapevine The Corner The Daily Gut (with Jim Treacher!) Dave in Texas Eject! Eject! Eject! Electric Venom Hot Air Puppy Blender La Shawn Barber's Corner Michelle Malkin Pereiraville Protein Wisdom Rachel Lucas Right Wing News Scrappleface Serenity's Journal Townhall Blog IMAO Blogroll Bad Example Cadet Happy The Flying Space Monkey Chronicles mountaineer musings Right Wing Duck  This Blog Is Full of Crap Fred Thompson Links Fred File Blogs for Fred Fred Thompson Facts Awards
|
April 16, 2005
Pocket Guide to the Differences Between Frank and Harvey
In the comments to this post, loyal IMAO reader jimmyb got confused while reading one of my posts and mistakenly attributed it to Frank J. Since confused readers are like cockroaches, I have to assume that if I see one, there are thousands more hiding in the walls, just waiting to sneak into my kitchen in the middle of the night to lay their eggs in my Honey Nut Cheerios. In order to educate these befuddled folks as a delaying tactic while I try to find that can of Raid (or hairspray and a lighter - whichever), I offer (in the extended entry) this: Harvey - married for 6 years, beats his wife regularly. Frank - not married, not sleeping with his fiancé, beats something else regularly. Harvey - has a full beard Frank - has two chin whiskers and arranges them in a bad comb-over - fools no one. Harvey - spent six years in the Navy, travelling around the world and developing a love of short, brown-skinned hookers. Frank - spent six years caged in a circus sideshow, travelling around Florida and developing an obsessive hatred of monkeys. Harvey - works as a bank teller. Sleeps in money pajamas. Frank - works as an engineer. Sleeps with a stuffed Dilbert doll. Harvey - owns four cats and can't keep them from peeing on the bathmat. Frank - owns two cats and can't keep from peeing on their heads. Harvey - Atheist, believes God is dead. Frank - Catholic, believes Pope is dead. Harvey - Once voted for the Libertarian Party Frank - Once met a librarian at a party. Or possibly a Liberian. He was really drunk at the time, so he's not sure what she said. Harvey - Lives in Wisconsin, but left his heart in San Francisco. Frank - Lives in Florida, but left a hippy for dead in San Francisco. Harvey - Once tried to become a lawyer. Frank - Once tried to bludgeon a lawyer. Or possibly a lemur. Again - really drunk at the time. Harvey - Has a 130-pound dog that thinks he's a horse. Frank - Has a 130-pound fiancé that thinks she's a cow. Harvey - Can't get a concealed carry permit for his Glock, because he lives in a state run by stupid liberals. Frank - Has a concealed carry permit and lives in a state where it's legal to shoot stupid liberals (in season, limit three per person). Harvey - Wishes he were as funny as Frank. Frank - Wishes he were as funny as Scrappleface. Harvey - Drove pizza delivery in the ghetto to earn money for college. Frequently mugged by crack addicts. Frank - Delivered crack in the ghetto to earn money for college. Frequently mugged pizza delivery drivers. Harvey - Once told his wife "that dress makes you look fat." He apologized, but still spent a week sleeping on the couch. Frank - Once told his fiancé "that dress makes you look fat." Spent a week apologizing to the couch Really, REALLY drunk. Hope that clears things up. 30 Responses To "Pocket Guide to the Differences Between Frank and Harvey"
Dang, Frank J., that's the funniest thing you've written in a while! #3 - Posted by: Brian J. on April 16, 2005 09:42 PMI once accidentally credited you with a post Ducky made.I'm a cockroach. :( This is pretty dadgummed good stuff,Harvey.And btw,your money pajamas kick pinkytoe! #4 - Posted by: Moe on April 16, 2005 10:38 PMNicely done Frank! For a minute there I thought you were losing your funny... #5 - Posted by: JMK on April 16, 2005 10:40 PMGreat explanation. But don't atheists believe God never even existed? #6 - Posted by: jonag on April 16, 2005 10:59 PMI fan of Nietzsche I see. Keep up the good work, Mr. Atheist. #7 - Posted by: Dan on April 16, 2005 11:02 PMI didn't know Frank was an Athiest . . . I thought he was Catholic . . . I also didn't know he was married, what's Sarahk have to say about that? #8 - Posted by: Aris_Ravencroft on April 17, 2005 12:37 AMWhile we are leaning about Frank and Harvey it is time for: A Filthy Lie! FrankJ is so evil that even a Canadian likes him and became his chief Canadian blug ... wait - this is true! In fact, its the second true filthy lie about Frank since he claimed overlordship. Does this have implications for Filthy Lies at large or is it proof that FrankJ is unfit to be Overlord? Or is it proof that he is perfect for the job? Maybe Harvey knows. p.s. funny post Harvey p.p.s. (its not p.s.s!) more Canucklugs are welcome to join - you can even make up your own title but I get to be Chief! #9 - Posted by: Robbie on April 17, 2005 02:37 AMWoo-Hoo!! Look MA! I'm on IMAO! Sorry Harv, but there is a little similarity in your styles; either that, or I was really drunk! Out-loud funny dude. Keep up the good work! #10 - Posted by: on April 17, 2005 06:04 AMOops! Forgot to put my name on the last post. Stupid cockroaches! I'm pretty sure I know which lawyer it was Frank J. tried to bludgeon... #12 - Posted by: The Babaganoosh on April 17, 2005 06:24 AM>Stupid cockroaches! Got frustration with cockroaches? TRY DROD! www.drod.net warning: serious addiction ahead! *cough* Great stuff Harvey. Frank - Has a 130-pound fiancé that thinks she's a cow. I fear that you'll be paying for that line for a long time, Harvey. #14 - Posted by: Silicon Valley Jim on April 17, 2005 10:47 AMFrank: Posts mostly crap with the occasional funny on his own blog Harvey: Posts mostly crap with the occassional funny on everyone's blog but his own (HA!) #16 - Posted by: Phelps on April 17, 2005 05:01 PMLucifer still sucks. Maybe that's why the democraps like him so much. #17 - Posted by: McWert Deglieb on April 17, 2005 05:02 PMFunny Harv. Thanks for the explanation. Now I should have less difficulty telling you two apart! "Harvey - married for 6 years, beats his wife regularly. Frank - not married, not sleeping with his fiancé, beats something else regularly." That's some of the funniest funny I've seen here in a long time! #18 - Posted by: Leuthen on April 17, 2005 07:34 PMOn that disappearing thing... it seems to happen because I use Mozilla when I post at IMAO. I may have to fire up the dreaded Virusnet Explorer and see if that helps. #19 - Posted by: Harvey on April 17, 2005 08:10 PMI refuse to believe Frank actually beats sydney. #20 - Posted by: Jackie on April 17, 2005 08:37 PMONCE AGAIN, NOTHING POSTED ALL SUNDAY LONG aargh #22 - Posted by: realpolitiklr on April 18, 2005 03:47 AMONCE AGAIN, NOTHING POSTED ALL SUNDAY LONG aargh #23 - Posted by: realpolitiklr on April 18, 2005 03:48 AMFrancesco, I hate you now. I downloaded DROD... #25 - Posted by: LC Trucido on April 18, 2005 11:33 AMi'm no longer speaking to Harvey. if i actually did weigh 130 pounds, i would stop weighing myself the minute i got to 128 for fear that i would actually see it. i've gotten there before, and on a 5-ft girl... and thanks, now i'm even more depressed about my body. love ya, Harv! just took you off the guest list. ;-) #26 - Posted by: sarahk on April 18, 2005 09:27 PMI was just about to come to your defense, dear SarahK. Harvey, there ain't NO WAY IN HADES that SarahK comes even remotely close to weighing 130 pounds. Holy crap, she probably doesn't make it over 100 if she's soaking wet, the little thing. Shame on you. At that, don't ever compare your massive, monstrous, slobbering dog to delicate lil' SarahK, either. I'll wield my Bo staff against you, man, and I've got a shovel to hide the evidence when I'm done. #27 - Posted by: GradualDazzle on April 19, 2005 02:59 AM100 free adult personalsabsolutely adult free personalsads adult free personalsads.com personals swingeradult alabama personalsadult alternative personalsadult and personalsadult arizona personalsadult asian personalsadult baby personalsadult bbw free personalsadult bbw personalsadult bdsm personalsadult browse free personalsadult cam personals webadult canada personalsadult chat free personalsadult chat personalsadult classified personalsadult contact free personalsadult contact personals #30 - Posted by: d on April 23, 2005 08:56 AMPost a comment
|
Buy IMAO T-Shirts 
 
 
IMAO T-Shirts
The IMAO T-Shirt Babe (winning picture) YOU BUY NEW SHIRTS NOW!!! Yay! Books!
Capitalism
Archives
By Category
24American Idol Aqua-Adventures Barackalypse Now Best of IMAO 2002 Best of IMAO 2006 Bite-Sized Wisdom Editorials Election 2008 Filthy Lies Frank Answers Frank Discussions Frank on Guns Frank Reads the Bible Frank the Artist Fred Thompson Facts Friday Cat-Blogging Fun Trivia Hellbender Hellbender Take Two Hillary Clinton Terrible Truths Humor I Hate Frank If I Were President ignis fatuous IMAO Condensed IMAO Exclusives IMAO for the Non-Deaf IMAO Reviews IMAO Think Tank In My World In My World - Fan Fiction John Edwards Fabulous Facts Know Thy Enemy lolterizt Michael Moore Mitt Romney Ads News Round-Up Newsish Fakery No, McCain't Our Military Permalink Contest Precision Guided Humor Assignments Ron Paul, Ron Paul, Ron Paul Ronin Profiles Ronin Thought of the Day SarahK's TV stuff Scary Evil Monkey Simpsons Trivia Songs & Poems State of the Frank Report Superego Totally True Tidbits WEsistance Is Facile Why Me Laugh? Yvonne's Ashes By Month
December 2008September 2008 August 2008 July 2008 June 2008 May 2008 April 2008 March 2008 February 2008 January 2008 December 2007 November 2007 October 2007 September 2007 August 2007 July 2007 June 2007 May 2007 April 2007 March 2007 February 2007 January 2007 December 2006 November 2006 October 2006 September 2006 August 2006 July 2006 June 2006 May 2006 April 2006 March 2006 February 2006 January 2006 December 2005 November 2005 October 2005 September 2005 August 2005 July 2005 June 2005 May 2005 April 2005 March 2005 February 2005 January 2005 December 2004 November 2004 October 2004 September 2004 August 2004 July 2004 June 2004 May 2004 April 2004 March 2004 February 2004 January 2004 December 2003 November 2003 October 2003 September 2003 August 2003 July 2003 June 2003 May 2003 April 2003 March 2003 February 2003 January 2003 December 2002 November 2002 October 2002 September 2002 August 2002 July 2002 March 1933
|
Stumble It!
