Hello,

Yo Soy RightWingDuck, y vengo a compartir las noticias.

Merry Christmas ... Oops. I meant good afternoon. Curse my horrible English as a Second Language!!

Arnold Schwarzenegger today apologized for a remark he made where he said that California should close the borders to Mexico because it was creating a big mess.

He apologized to an offended state congressman saying that "English is my second language and I meant SECURE not CLOSE the borders, you bitch - I mean -sir."

Arnold is so spineless when it comes to taking a position. How pathetic.

Oh, sorry. My English is not so good. It’s a second language for me, too.

What I meant to say is that the governor is doing a great job and he should just keep it up.

Pope Benedict XVI is coming under scrutiny for having been part of the Hitler Youth. What's worse - today it was discovered that for a brief period of time - he was also an Episcopalian!!

Nobody talks about the good part about his youth. Did you know that he once had a band called Ratzi and the Cool Cats? No, of course you didn't! I just made that up!! But he does play the piano.

Some are saying he took the name Benedict to fulfill an ancient prophecy. Sometimes people make things so complicated. He chose the name based on his favorite morning food. He almost chose the name Pope Sunny Side Up.

HAHAHAHAHAHa.

Ahem. Moving on.

In South Korea, elephants made an escape from their holding pens and ran wild through the city of Seoul.

Sadly, one elephant ran into ALLEY and hit a 52 year old woman. More sadness-she didn't want people to know how old she was.

The woman was okay. But it goes to show you that you never know what you'll find in an alley. Take that as a lesson kids!!

You know why it took them so long to catch these elephants? They went into a restaurant yet nobody called the police. It goes to show you what happens when people pretend there's no elephant in the room.

Customer #1: Can you pass me the salt?

Customer #2. I would, but something that's not here just put it in it's trunk.

Customer #1:Should we give it a peanut?

Customer #2: Give what a peanut?

Customer #1: I agree!

Jane Fonda was in Kansas City for a book signing when one of the people who waited in line walked up to her and spit tobacco juice in her face. The man, a disabled Vietnam veteran, was arrested.

Folks, this is so not cool. Spitting tobacco is gross. If you disagree with someone, do the civilized thing. Smack them with a pie.

The vet actually made out pretty good. Jane declined to press charges. He was also offered a ride home, a round of drinks from the VWF, and an endorsement deal from Copenhagen.

Jane of course has apologized for visiting North Vietnam and taking pictures at an anti-aircraft battery. That was a long time ago, and in all fairness, she really was a lousy shot.

Oh, airline stuff!!

US Airways had an internet screw-up and ended up selling round trip tickets for just $1.86.

You know what's really sad about buying a ticket for $1.86? You just know that the guy sitting next to you got a better deal!

"A dollar eighty six? Pssht. You got robbed. Ninety Eight Cents buddy AND a free upgrade to business class!"

It's weird when you get that low a price – everything afterwards seems so expensive.

"FOUR dollars for a drink? That's TWICE what I paid for my ticket."

Scientists are reporting that an iceberg recently collided with a glacier

There were no witnesses to this as it was all seen from satellite photos.

Tragically, sadly – the iceberg did not have enough lifeboats! Oh the humanity.

You know what else the satellite photos captured? Icebergs gone wild!! Wow, is there no limit to today’s technology?

In Chicago, a stain has appeared on the wall of an underpass. Visitors say it has the shape of the Virgin Mary. Catholics have laid roses and candles at the site and have prayed non stop.

You know, sometimes I think, "How stupid of people to gather around to see a stain…" but then I see people in Kansas City lining up to buy Jane Fonda's book…

In all honesty, for the longest time I would see an image of Mickey Mouse on the side of my toast each morning. It bothered me so much that my wife ditched the Mickey Mouse toaster and bought Hello Kitty.

That wasn't too much better.

Sometimes. Late at night.

I can hear her little Hello Kitty voice talking to me, saying…

"Kill the dog."

**

Enjoy your day!

• Currently 2.67/5
• 1
• 2
• 3
• 4
• 5
• 6
• 7
• 8
• 9
• 10

Rating: 2.7/5 (3 votes cast)

News Round-Up
Email This | Add to del.icio.us | Digg this | Stumble It!