Hello,

I'm RightWingDuck and I'm here to share the news.

In England, Channel 5 has announced plans to air a hip, edgy reality series – LIVE plastic surgery.

Do they mean live-live? Yes, as in the coverage features real plastic surgery in action!!

Imagine having to be the play-by-play team on THAT one.

“What’s he doing now, Jim.”
“Well, Bob, Dr. Smythe appears to be using the number 5 scalpel”
“Why do you think he’s doing that?”
“Well, Bob. If you recall, he hurt his shoulder in the Johnston liposuction.”
“Indeed.”

In yet another ground-breaking move, Channel 5 launched an even edgier, hipper new series. “Live Plastic Surgery- Bloopers.”

“What’s he doing now, Jim.”
“Well, Bob, Dr. Smythe appears to be using the number 5 scalpel”
“Why do you think he’s doing that?”
“Well, Bob. If you recall, he left the number 4 scalpel inside Mr. Jones.”
“Indeed. Ha ha. Let’s watch that footage now”

Speaking of surgical bloopers…

The Michael Jackson trial is still just too much fun to watch.

Debbie Rowe, Michael’s ex-wife took the stand today. She was artificially inseminated. And Michael might not even be the father!!

Oh my goodness.

We should have known. Those young kids don’t resemble a young Michael Jackson at all.

On second thought – even Michael doesn’t resemble a young Michael Jackson.

American Idol is making headlines. Looks like ABC is trying to air a special where they talk about all the backstage stuff. It may be that – get this- judges can influence the decision made by viewers of the show!

I don’t know. Does it MATTER if the judges are too chummy with the contestants and push their favorite?

Folks, this isn’t the Olympics. This is a popularity contest.

Fox is livid that ABC would air such a special!

When asked for their opinions, the AI judges had their say. Simon said the idea was “dreadful and seemed like a cruise ship act”, Randy called them a bunch of dawgs, and Paula, always positive, really appreciated that ABC was "trying hard and putting in the effort."

Juicy tidbit: Did you know that Simon spent the first half of this season always asking, “Hey, whatever happened to that fat, black guy?”

Former contestant Corey Clark is coming out with a book. He says that he and Paula Abdul were lovers and she promised to be his special friend and help his career.

Paula came out with a statement, “I won’t dignify that accusation with a response – but he sure does try hard and I like his effort.”

The Europeans are very happy. They successfully carried out a test flight of their new Airbus A380 jetliner. A plane so big it holds 800 passengers.

There were 30,000 people at the site to watch the tests and there were some great reactions such as: “I’m so proud.” This will be good for Europe.” And “This will be the Mother Of All Hijack…. I mean Airplanes.”

This is one big airplane. Hollywood is sooooo excited about this. Imagine – a plane big enough to hold Michael Moore AND a beverage cart.

While we’re on the topic of airplanes. President Bush, in a show of support, invited Tom DeLay to return to Washington with him on Air Force One.

The President personally escorted DeLay off the plane. He wished him well and sent him on. Afterward, the President joined the crew as they tried to figure out why so many ashtrays went missing.

DeLay as you know is facing an ethics probe. Mostly because of questionable trips paid for by outside groups.

This is a serious charge. Democrats are right to pursue this aggressively. Of course, they have adopted incredibly high standards - ever since Monica gave Bill that free trip “Around the World.”

Air America is in the news too. I like Air America (motto: The alternative to static)

Morning host Randi Rhodes featured a radio skit where they fired gunshots at the president.

Thankfully, there won’t be any investigations for the network. A formal FCC inquiry requires 12 complaints – which is 2 more than the total number of listeners.

I’m not saying their ratings are bad, but their newest slogan is ‘More fun than the Emergency Broadcast Signal”

All this trouble because they were trying to do humor. Personally, I feel that liberals should leave humor to the professional news anchors.

Here in Los Angeles, there’s some controversy over a billboard. Did you hear about this? A Spanish TV station put up a sign saying Los Angeles, CA – with the “CA” crossed out and “Mexico” written off to the side.

The TV station of course sees nothing wrong with it. There is a huge Mexican population here in Los Angeles – some of them are even legal. Yep – I’ve got my papers (wait – I was born here!)

The station is standing by the ad saying, “Listen, this is a free country. If you don’t like it, go back to America.”

Sad. People ask me, "RWD,what can we do about this?" And I usually respond, "What do you mean WE, paleface?"

Oh. Here’s some more sad news.

You know who’s taking steroids these days? Young girls. Really, girls as young as NINE have been found to take steroids because they want that toned look that they see on models.

How screwed upis this? Those models had 1,000 pictures snapped before the photographer got the perfect one. Then they airbrushed it, photoshopped it, and tweaked it to make it look just right. The MODELS wish they could look like models!!!

Thankfully, these girls aren’t out to build big muscles. They simply want more toned legs.

And many of them are getting just what they want: long, strong, beautiful legs. Legs that go all the way up to their testicles.

Finally, from a Baltimore suburb we have this great story.

Some Buffalo escaped from their ranch and ended up hitting the streets. Police took a long time to round them up but approached it with a light-hearted attitude.

Who knows, next week, they could be rounding up the deer and the antelope.

That’s why I like Baltimore people. They are just so mellow.

Baltimore.

Where seldom is heard.
A discouraging word.
And the skies are not cloudy all day.

**

Thanks.

Remember, I can't hear you. So if anything got a laugh out of you, post it in comment and let me know what struck you as funny today.

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