Hello everyone,

I'm RightWingDuck and I'm here to share the news.

Still in the news is the runaway bride, Jennifer Wilbanks. Her fiancée was on TV saying that he would still marry her because he gave her a ring and had made a promise before God. Which is probably why she flipped out. Okay, at what point in time did he think they were actually married?

John::Do you want something to drink?

Jennifer:I do.

John: Oh, sweetheart. Me TOO!!! Forever and ever!!

They make a cute couple. This morning, while I was eating breakfast, I saw a picture of them. Well, they weren’t actually together. His picture was in the USA Today, and hers was on my milk carton.

Will they make it as a couple? I don’t know. We'll see.

Mary Kay Latourneau is set to marry her bo- boyfriend. If you recall, Mary Kay was sent to prison for having slept with her then 13 year old student.

As is becoming the pattern, they have sold the rights to their wedding photos. The amount is up for speculation however I'm told it involves a substantial amount of dollars and arcade tokens.

It’s weird, she’s so much older than he is. And he seems so tiny. But they’re happy and he’s legal now, so I guess its okay. Now, some people gossip about the huge age difference. “What’s going to happen when they’re both 20 years older?” I don’t know.

I don’t know – what do you think? Do you think she'd find somebody younger?

There’s a rumor going around that American Idol might drop judge Paula Abdul for behaving inappropriately with one of the contestants. She may have provided extra encouragement and guidance to one singer in particular – Corey Clark.

Let me get this straight. You can call them fat, unstylish, criticize the way they sing, accuse them of being Vegas Lounge acts – but supporting them? YOU HAVE THE DRAW THE LINE SOMEWHERE, Darnit!!

Should Paula be asked to leave the show? I don’t know. Make sure you text message your vote!

Wow, I guess I’m talking about relationships today.

It has been rumored that actor Tom Cruise is dating actress Katie Holmes. It seems rather an odd pairing doesn’t it. You see them together and think, “Gosh, could I actually date somebody so darn tiny and so darn feminine?” I don’t know – but Katie doesn’t seem to mind.

A school in New Mexico had quite a scare. Someone called the police saying they saw someone drop off a long wrapped package. The SWAT team showed up, along with the bomb squad. Turns out it was a student’s special project – he had made this huge, giant burrito.

Which is funny. That’s the first time I’ve ever seen a burrito clear out a school BEFORE it was eaten.

HAHAHAHAHAHHA.

Sorry.

A couple of guys are in trouble with the police for stealing some money and then claiming they had found it buried while working on a job. Authorities suspected something was amiss when they kept telling the same story but changing important details each time.

See. Here’s a lesson for the criminal element reading this. You have to know what to say when you’re caught in a boldfaced lie.

Katie Couric: At first you said you were digging for a job. Then you said you were helping a friend plant a tree. Now you say you had a secret treasure map on the back of a Wendy’s menu? Why the discrepancy?

Criminal:Katie, are you questioning my patriotism?

Katie: I’m just saying that your story changes each time you tell it..

Criminal: I’m sorry – did YOU ever serve in Vietnam?

So, anyway. Bad guys are busted and the police are trying to figure out where the money really came from. Stupid criminals. Maybe they didn’t get enough love growing up.

Researchers recently wrapped up a study showing that ugly children get less attention from parents than the pretty ones.

I don’t know. Could this be true? I asked my dad, but I couldn’t get his attention.

Do parents really judge on looks? I keep thinking about my childhood and I realize that my sister did indeed get a lot more attention from my folks than I did.

But then again, she always got higher scores than I did – especially in the bathing suit competition.

Not that I'm bitter. No, I'm not bitter at all.

Mr. Congeniality MY ASS!!!!!

Sorry.

So, maybe we do judge people by their beauty – but think about it- it only affects ugly people – so does it really matter?

Okay. I’d like to wrap up with this sad story.

In Florida, a teenage boy, who was just learning how to drive, lost control of his parents’ car and drove it right through the side of a McDonalds

Thankfully, he wasn’t hurt and emergency workers showed up quickly.

See, you drive your car through the side of a McDonalds here in Los Angeles – one minute later you have two cars behind you honking Hurry Up!!

I admire when people travel the less beaten path. Or in this case, the less used wall.

You know what I would do if that happened to me?

Duckie at the McDonalds...

CRASH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!(really loud) !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Manager (makes it through the rubble): "What's going on here? Can I help you?"

Duckie (rolls down window): "I'd like a quarter pounder with cheese, a small order of fries, and... hey, do you sell giant burritos?"

**That's all for today.

Remember, I can't hear you - so if anything made you laugh - let me know in the comments.

Do you have an interesting article or funny newsbit to share? If so, email me at rightwingduckatyahoodotcom and share. Don't be so darn selfish.

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