About IMAO

Giving money to Frank J. makes you happy!

Buy funniest book ever!

IMAO Podcasts
IMAO Merchandise and Newsletter

Cool shirts, mugs, stickers, and what-not!

About IMAO
Then conquer we must, for our cause is just, 
And this be our motto--'In God is our trust.' 
And the star-spangled banner in triumph doth wave 
O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave.

If you want to send something by snail mail, e-mail with subject "P.O. Box" to get mail information for Frank J. and SarahK.

About Frank J.

Frank J.
Cadet Happy
Laurence Simon

Popular Categories
Fred Thompson Facts
John Edwards Fabulous Facts
IMAO Condensed
Know Thy Enemy
Frank the Artist
In My World
Other Content
Ode to Violence
Brief Histories
IMAO Audio Bits

Read the Essay
Own the Shirt
Peace Gallery
Search IMAO
Web www.imao.us
"All quotes attributed to me on IMAO are made up... including this one."
-Glenn Reynolds

"Unfunny treasonous ronin!"
-Lou Tulio*

"You, sir, are a natural born killer."
-E. Harrington

"You'll never get my job! Never!!!"
-Jonah Goldberg

"In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth. And He did despair, for in His omniscience, He did know that His creations had but three-fifths of the splendor of that which would be IMAO."
-No One of Consequence

"A blogger with a sense of humor."
-Some Woman on MSNBC
Ace of Spades HQ
The Anti-Idiotarian Rottweiler
Captain's Quarters
Classical Values
Conservative Grapevine
The Corner
The Daily Gut (with Jim Treacher!)
Dave in Texas
Eject! Eject! Eject!
Electric Venom
Hot Air
Puppy Blender
La Shawn Barber's Corner
Michelle Malkin
Protein Wisdom
Rachel Lucas
Right Wing News
Serenity's Journal
Townhall Blog

IMAO Blogroll
Bad Example
Cadet Happy
The Flying Space Monkey Chronicles
mountaineer musings
Right Wing Duck
SarahK & Cadet Happy snark TV
This Blog Is Full of Crap

Fred Thompson Links
Fred File
Blogs for Fred
Fred Thompson Facts


May 16, 2005
In My World: Bush Blog
Posted by Frank J. at 11:52 AM | View blog reactions | Comments (19)

Bush sat at his desk, tapping his fingers on the surface. "Bored. Bored. Bored," he muttered. "Hey, Rover," he finally called out, "Anything I should be doing?"

The hooded figure of Karl Rove emerged from the shadows. "Everything goes as planned. All is in its place."

"But I wanted something to do," Bush moaned, "Well, Rumsfeld is still trapped in the bowels of hell. Maybe I can plot how to help him."

A pentagram appeared on the floor of the oval office, and a flame arose from it. When the flame disappeared, there stood Donald Rumsfeld.

"You stole my entrance!" Rove shouted and then disappeared back into the darkness from whence he came.

"Hey, you escaped from hell!" Bush exclaimed.

"Yeah, got tired of that place," Rumsfeld said, "Found some people I had strangled before and was able to strangle them again, but it just wasn't the same."

Bush shook his head. "You can never go home again. So, Rummy, got some crazy war plans?"

"I'm old and I'm taking a nap," Rumsfeld said and walked off.

Scott McClellan then came by the office. "So what's that wacky press up to today?" Bush asked him hopefully.

"Nothing. They actually couldn't come up with any questions so we ended the press conference early. Wanna go play some racquetball?"

"Yeah... but not with you," Bush answered, "If I hang out with you, everyone will think I'm a dweeb, too. Understand?"

"You're mean!" Scott yelled as he stormed off.

Laura then came by the office. "I'm bored, dear," he called to her, "Give me something to do!"

"Why don't you read those news magazines on your desk there and try and be informed," she suggested.

"But news is boring!" Bush moaned. He then picked up a copy of Newsweek. "I think this one has comics; I like those." Bush flipped through a couple pages and then started laughing. Suddenly, he stopped. "Wait a second... that was making fun of me! And my ears are not that big!" Bush angrily flipped through a few more pages. "The Bush Administration is disrespectful to Islam," Bush read aloud, "Unnamed White House officials tell of how the toilet paper in the bathrooms of the White House have been replaced with pages torn from the Koran. Also at the White House is a painting depicting Jesus strangling the prophet Mohammed. This is all just part of a pattern of behavior of Bush who had the sign supposedly pointing in the direction of Mecca at the Guantanamo Bay prison actually point to the nearest Porta-Potty." Bush threw down the magazine in anger. "Barely any of that's true at all!"

* * * *

"Omar, I've been hardly angry at anything lately."

"Me too, Ahmed. Also, I'm starting to like America."

"Well, let's check the newest copy of Newsweek to see what's going on in the world." Ahmed purchased a copy from the newsstand and flipped to the main story. After reading a paragraph into the story, Ahmed ripped the magazine apart and shouted, "Jihad!"

* * * *

"Blood, chaos, mayhem - that is what journalism is about," said the evil editor of Newsweek. "These stories that enrage the Muslims are causing destruction and increasing sales since they tend to rip apart the first copy in anger and then buy another to remember what they're angry about. Do we have anything else for the next issue?"

"I have a story on how Bush snuck into Mecca and spray painted his gang sign there," said one writer.

"How many sources do you have on that?"


"Good enough; run with it! Muh ha ha ha!"

* * * *

"So it's rioting in the Middle East and guess who has to deal with it," Condoleezza Rice complained, "Me, that's who. Why couldn't I be Secretary of Defense?"

"Because diplomacy is for women and kill'n is for men," Rumsfeld answered.

"I'll show you killing!" Condi shouted and approached Rumsfeld.

"Let's save our violence for Newsweek," Bush said, "Now hand me my fact-checker."

"The 12-gauge?" Condi asked.

"That'll do."

Laura walked into the room. "Are you going to use violence to solve a problem again?"

"No, dear," Bush answered, stuffing his pockets with shotguns shells.

"You know, when someone in the media writes something that isn't true," Laura told him, "the popular and effective way to combat it is to blog about it."

"Blog!" Rumsfeld yelled, "Sounds like something for homosexuals."

Scott ran into the room. "Did someone say blog? Blogs are full of cool information!"

"See," Rumsfeld growled.

"Now, you give it a try," Laura commanded Bush.

"Aww," he whined, "sounds like this will involve writing."

* * * *

"Hello. This is a new blog," Bush typed, "You can call me Dubya. My day job is president of a major country, but I like to play videogames in my spare time. I have something to write about that is important, though. Newsweek recently posted an article that misrepresents the facts." Bush paused for a moment. "Now how do I add a hypolink... ah, there I go." He went back to typing. "If they followed up on that story, they would have found the time the president used a Koran as toilet paper was a one time mishap when the Saudi ambassador visited the White House. Also, they would know that the reason the sign pointing to Mecca points to a Porta-Potty is that that Porta-Potty has always served as the Mecca reference point since Gitmo was built. Finally, the supposed painting of Jesus strangling Mohammed is very open to interpretation." Bush clicked on "Post" and sat there a few seconds. "Now what do I do?"

* * * *

"How's your blog going?" Laura asked.

"No one on the internets is reading it," Bush complained, "I tried e-mailing the guy from Instapundit about it, but he never responded to my e-mail." Bush shook his fist at the computer screen. "He thinks he's too important to respond to me! You know, I heard somewhere that he puts puppies in blenders."

"That's horrible," Laura said, "and I'm sure you'll find an audience soon."

Bush hit refresh on his web browser. "I have a comment!" he exclaimed. He clicked on the comments. "You look like a chimp," he read aloud. Bush smiled. "My message is spreading!"

* * * *

"Our misinformation and chaos cannot be stopped!" the Newsweek editor laughed, "Muh ha ha ha!"

"We have a problem," said his aide, "The President is fact-checking us."

"Who cares!"

"He's doing it through a... blog."

The editor recoiled in horror. "The President has a blog?! With the magical power of blogging, he'll be able to have any of us fired at will. He'll be unstoppable! Quick, we must get all the heads of media together immediately in a coalition of journalism and evil to stop this menace before it can grow!"


Rating: 2.5/5 (35 votes cast)

In My World
Email This | Add to del.icio.us | Digg this | StumbleUpon Toolbar Stumble It!

Buy IMAO T-Shirts

IMAO T-Shirts

The IMAO T-Shirt Babe
(winning picture) YOU BUY NEW SHIRTS NOW!!!
Yay! Books!

By Category
American Idol
Barackalypse Now
Best of IMAO 2002
Best of IMAO 2006
Bite-Sized Wisdom
Election 2008
Filthy Lies
Frank Answers
Frank Discussions
Frank on Guns
Frank Reads the Bible
Frank the Artist
Fred Thompson Facts
Friday Cat-Blogging
Fun Trivia
Hellbender Take Two
Hillary Clinton Terrible Truths
I Hate Frank
If I Were President
ignis fatuous
IMAO Condensed
IMAO Exclusives
IMAO for the Non-Deaf
IMAO Reviews
IMAO Think Tank
In My World
In My World - Fan Fiction
John Edwards Fabulous Facts
Know Thy Enemy
Michael Moore
Mitt Romney Ads
News Round-Up
Newsish Fakery
No, McCain't
Our Military
Permalink Contest
Precision Guided Humor Assignments
Ron Paul, Ron Paul, Ron Paul
Ronin Profiles
Ronin Thought of the Day
SarahK's TV stuff
Scary Evil Monkey
Simpsons Trivia
Songs & Poems
State of the Frank Report
Totally True Tidbits
WEsistance Is Facile
Why Me Laugh?
Yvonne's Ashes
By Month
December 2008
September 2008
August 2008
July 2008
June 2008
May 2008
April 2008
March 2008
February 2008
January 2008
December 2007
November 2007
October 2007
September 2007
August 2007
July 2007
June 2007
May 2007
April 2007
March 2007
February 2007
January 2007
December 2006
November 2006
October 2006
September 2006
August 2006
July 2006
June 2006
May 2006
April 2006
March 2006
February 2006
January 2006
December 2005
November 2005
October 2005
September 2005
August 2005
July 2005
June 2005
May 2005
April 2005
March 2005
February 2005
January 2005
December 2004
November 2004
October 2004
September 2004
August 2004
July 2004
June 2004
May 2004
April 2004
March 2004
February 2004
January 2004
December 2003
November 2003
October 2003
September 2003
August 2003
July 2003
June 2003
May 2003
April 2003
March 2003
February 2003
January 2003
December 2002
November 2002
October 2002
September 2002
August 2002
July 2002
March 1933