Hello Everyone,

I'm RightWingDuck and I'm here to share the news.

Guess what? Los Angeles has a new mayor. It’s Antonio Villaraigosa, the first Latino we’ve had running the city in over a century.

He beat the incumbent Mayor - Mayor Hahn, by being able to connect with the minorities here in LA. Or as we call them – White People.

Not much of a choice. We had a liberal Incumbent versus a liberal challenger.

Personally, I’ve never voted Democrat, but maybe one day before I die – I will. Or in the Dems case, maybe I will AFTER I die.

The race got a bit hot at the end. Accusations, attack ads. I felt Mayor Hahn went over the line when he tried to have Villaraigosa deported.

LA has to get used to a Latino running things. At the celebration dinner, it took Antonio too long to get up the podium. Latinos and whites kept stopping him.

Latino: Excuse me, sir?

Mayor V: Yes?

Latino: I’m very proud. I’d like to shake your hand.

Mayor V: Sure thing.

Lady: Excuse me, sir?

Mayor V: Yes, ma’am?

Lady: I can’t find my waitress; can you get me some ice water?

In England, the mystery of the “Piano Man” continues. Have you heard about this? A man was found wandering around and taken in. He doesn’t speak, but spends hours a day playing the piano. Authorities are trying to figure out who he is - and how much they should tip.

A Polish man who worked as a mime stepped forward saying that they may have worked together in the past. Information is coming slowly, but so far they’ve figured out that the piano guy has had a hard life and has spent a lot of time trapped in a box –which seems to get smaller and smaller.

They are still trying to figure something out about a hurricane…
It would be easier if the mime actually spoke I guess.

This guy is getting a ton of publicity. Maybe I should become the crazy, silent bad joke person.

“In news today, authorities found a man who won’t speak unless it’s to utter really bad jokes. Reports are that his t-shirt advocates detonating a nuclear device on the moon. We go to our field reporter – Wendy…”

Here’s some good news, Scientists think they have found an herb that can help reduce binge drinking

Unfortunately, the herb is Marijuana.

Just kidding!. The herb is called kudzu.

Scientists aren’t sure why it works but they speculate that the herb makes you get tipsy faster: this in turn makes you stop drinking sooner.

This herb has tremendous potential for those who are trying to stop drinking – and for those drinkers on a tight budget.

Newsweek is still in the news. Their story that GITMO interrogators flushed a Koran down the toilet has incited the Middle East into a foaming torrent of Anti-American Hatred. Which is worse than what normally incites Anti American hatred - Tuesday.

The word is that Newsweek refused to accept the writer’s resignation.

How could they? The resignation letter relied heavily on an anonymous source. That’s when you know you have credibility issues:

“I’m sorry. I can’t let you resign, Isikoff, if that is your real name!!”

In actuality, they will be accepting the resignation – they of course need to confirm Isikoff's anonymous source. They do this by the very journalistic process of opening the window and shouting, “Hey, does this sound right to you?”

Bush was very composed at a recent press conference. They asked him about the Koran incident, and he responded, “Are we talking about North Koran or South Koran?”

Do you know who was in trouble? Vicente Fox got into some hot water when he said that immigrants come to this country and do the work that even blacks won't do.

So the other day he calls the reverends Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson and he apologizes to them!!

Ironic. He groveled at the feet of Jesse and Al. Now THAT’S a job no black person would ever take.

Vicente said, ‘I’m so glad we have put this behind us. I would never offend anyone. I look forward to visiting America soon and enjoying the sights, the sounds and those wonderful slutty American women.”

In Wisconsin, a boy caused a stir when he showed up for his prom wearing a dress

The truth is that the people didn’t really mind the dress. But did you see the SHOES he was wearing?

Hopefully, he'll be covered in something 49er coaches haven't worn in a while - Gatorade.

You know who we can blame? That darn prom dress spammer. Not only do they sell crappy prom dresses – but they bunch up at the corners – uh. Not that I would know..And what’s all this crap about one size fits all? Uh? Never mind

So now we have a new ethical dilemma for teachers. When a boy wears a dress – when EXACTLY is the neckline too low?

I guess it’s the firs time we’ve ever heard a guy use the phrase, “I’m up here”
(In all fairness that’s probably a visual joke.)

Dressing the part is so important these days.

The new San Francisco 49er coach, Mike Nolan, wanted to honor the coaches of the past by wearing a suit and tie for all of his football games.

The NFL refused his request..Some blame the endorsement deals with Reebok, since coaches are required to wear only their clothing. I suspect mental health reasons.

When you coach the 49ers, I believe you shouldn’t be allowed to have a tie – or for that matter - shoelaces.

In Chicago, there’s a mystery at the zoo. A third monkey has died. Yes, I know. That’s three monkeys in three days.

First they lost Hear No Evil.

Then See No Evil.

Now – myseriously- they lose Speak No Evil.

Hmmm. I think somebody was afraid he would TALK!!!

HAHAHAHAHAH.

(crickets)

Ahem. (Hat tip to reader RandyM for that article)

Authorities are investigating and protesters have once again showed up.
The last time they were there was last month when they protested the death of Wankie the elephant. Who was the third elephant to die in a 6 month period.

Wankie was well know for his strength, his gentleness, and his ten foot weenie.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH.

(Crickets)

Ahem. Uh. Can I get you some more ice water?.

***

That's all folks. I can't hear you, so if something made you laugh, post it in comments. Do you have an interesting newsbit? Email it to me at rightwingduckatyahoodotcom. Do I have to spell it out? I just DID.
HAHAHAHAHAH

Yes, sir. More butter, too? Right away.

[UPDATE: It was brought to my attention that the Elephant joke did not make sense. On re-reading this I figured out that I cut out a whole segment from another joke. Trust me - it was funny. Sadly, I left the joke on my work computer so I'll post it tomorrow. It had to do with a Rock Hill police unit looking for a missing 10 foot weenie sign. YOu know, I'm going to have to start posting every day. I'm drowning in jokes and I end up throwing them in the garbage. Yes, I know, that's where most of them belong... but still]

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