(A Filthy Lie)

Odd little post at Instapundit today. Ya know, I was expecting Evil Glenn to be thoroughly upset by Arianna Huffington's upstart blog "The Huffington Post". I mean, you KNOW how he hates having anyone threaten his tyrannical rule of the blogosphere. However, I was surprised to discover that he's actually quite supportive of her efforts. In fact, he's even helped her out by ghost-writing her "Author's Bio" for her. I copied his efforts verbatim, and they're in the extended entry...

After graduation, she shacked up with noted British politician Tarquin Fintimlimbimlimbimwhimbimlin Bus Stop Ftang Ftang Olay Biscuit Barrel (Silly Party). However, dreading the thought of acquiring a last name even more unspellable than "Stassinopoulos", she refused to marry him. She settled instead for draining his bank accounts to satisfy her hair-spray-inhaling addiction, and spending his last few Pounds on a plane ticket to America. There she hoped to whore herself to a new sugardaddy before her looks could dry up.

Like a cash-sucking remora, Arianna clamped onto money-shark Michael Huffington, taking his name in 1986 and the bulk of his fortune in the years following. In 1994, she conned Mike into giving her $30 million to "run his Senate campaign". And run it she did... into the ground. She spent not a single penny toward "get out the vote" efforts, instead squandering it on repeated - and increasingly hopeless - facelifts, 24-karat pedicures, and her now 5-can-a-day hairspray habit. This last giving new meaning to her nickname of "Huffy".

She went on to write several terrible books, none of which bear mentioning other than to note that they all set records for the speed with which they hit the bargain bin.

In 2003, she entered the California Governor's race, only to pull out shortly afterwards, due to the fact that - as election day neared - she was merely a statistical blip on the polls, 50 points behind frontrunner Arnold Schwarzeneggar, and a shocking 5 points behind even Slinky the Wonder Ferret.

Meanwhile, sales of Aqua-Net in California quadrupled, seemingly overnight.

Arianna's latest project is to collect cat-blogging stories from washed-up B-list celebrities and hack columnists. Currently her traffic stats are plummeting faster than Wile E. Coyote stepping off an Arizona mesa while holding an anvil.

This crushing defeat to her monstrous ego has led to increasing suspicions that she's moved past the gateway drug of hairspray. This video clearly... ok, NOT so clearly... shows her attending a recently held kitten-snorting party in a sleazy hotel for transients in East L.A.

Will she seek the help she so desperately needs, or will she descend into the depravity of puppy-blending? Keep checking The Huffington Post for the answer.

Or possibly the Betty Ford Center.

Damn... I wish Glenn were as supportive of MY blogging efforts. The only nice thing he's ever done for ME is call me "chaff".

[Hat tip to Physics Geek for finding the video]

• Currently 2.40/5
• 1
• 2
• 3
• 4
• 5
• 6
• 7
• 8
• 9
• 10

Rating: 2.4/5 (5 votes cast)

Filthy Lies
Email This | Add to del.icio.us | Digg this | Stumble It!