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May 23, 2005
In My World: Bush Blog Part II
Posted by Frank J. at 11:53 AM | View blog reactions | Comments (25)

Part I

* * * *

The evil media moguls sat at the meeting room in the hollowed out Volcano just outside of Atlanta.

"The bloggers call us arrogant and biased!" complained one, "but being dismissive to those right-wing nuts hasn't quieted those charges."

"We even got our own bloggers out there to push forward our psychotic, left-wing agenda," said another, "such as Markos Zuniga of Daily Kos."

"Zuniga blog good!" Zuniga cried out as he danced around, "Now give Zungia cookie!"

A cookie was thrown on to the ground, and Zuniga eagerly grabbed it and gobbled it up.

"How much has he helped?" the Newsweek editor asked.

"He's less than useless."

"Well, we were planning to do a whole series on Koran flushings," the Newsweek editor said, "but with the current atmosphere of people actually checking whether or not what we say is true, we can't do it. I have a new plan, though, to discredit all the bloggers, and I'll need all your help. Muh ha ha ha!"

* * * *

"...and that completes the list of congressmen I'm pretty sure are gay," Bush read aloud before clicking to publish his new blog post.

Laura came by the door of the Oval Office. "Shouldn't you be at a meeting?"

"Too busy blogging," Bush answered, "I think I'm going to hit over a hundred visitors today. It's weird; I find the more often I check my sites for visits, the more I have."

"I also have a question on your clothing choice," Laura continued, "Ronald Reagan had so much respect for the Oval Office that he never took his suit jacket off while in it. Clinton also followed Reagan's lead, but he wasn't as strict on keeping his pants on while in here. But you - you're wearing pajamas."

"I'm showing my solidarity with other bloggers," Bush said, standing up and proudly showing his pajamas adorned with duckies.

Cheney ran into the room and turned on the T.V. "You have to see this."

"It better be a cartoon," Bush answered.

On T.V. stood a scholarly looking person talking to a reporter. "My conclusive study shows exactly how disturbed bloggers are," the professor said, "Bloggers, on average, are prone to violence, dementia, and drinking smoothies made from cute animals. Just think about it; with all the quality news and opinion given by the mainstream media, who would want to express his or her own voice? An extremely crazed and dangerous individual; that's who."

"So, should we fear bloggers?" the reporter asked.

"Most definitely. They must be hunted down and stopped before they destroy society. Now, they'll probably respond to all this by charging that I don't have any actual credentials, that my study if flawed, and my data is made up..."

"Is any of that true?" the reporter inquired.

"That's not the point! The point is that bloggers should not be listened too!"

"This guy is appearing on all the newscasts," Cheney told Bush.

"Everyone is going to think I'm a nut since I have a blog." Bush turned to the door. "Scott!" he shouted.

White House Press Secretary Scott McClellan came running. "What do you need?"

"Tell the press I'm not crazy."

"But they never listen to me," Scott whined, "and they call me 'fatty'."

"That's because you're fat," Bush responded, "Now go!" Bush started typing on his computer. "Now I have to blog harder than ever before to answer these charges. Laura, you help me, because you're better at writing death threats than I am."

* * * *

"Most people, not sure what blogs are, are turning against bloggers," said anchorman, "They're trusting people like me, who have great hair, compared to deranged individuals you can't see the hair of. Now, with reports that President Bush has a blog, even Republicans are turning against him - and not just media whores like Hagel."

Senator Bill Frist appeared on screen. "If the President really is a deranged blogger, then maybe he is wrong on his court nominees and social security and even the war."

Senator Rick Santorum was next on screen. "I'm against all unnatural things, whether it be sodomy or blogging."

"In an effort to protect the public," the anchorman continued, "the police are rounding up the most dangerous bloggers. At the University of Tennessee, law professor Glenn Reynolds of Instapundit.com was told to surrender, to which he answered, 'Heh.' When asked if this was going to lead to a violent confrontation, he answered, 'Indeed.' Currently, Reynolds is at the highest point at the University of Tennessee, shooting at police cars."

Bush turned off the T.V. "Now I'll never get a link from Instapundit!" He checked his laptop. "No, he's still posting. Must have brought a wireless laptop along with his sniper rifle. Isn't technology wonderful!"

The hooded figure of Karl Rove emerged from the shadows. "It is prophesized in the Book of Punditry that a sphere will threaten those who try to control the flow of the stream of knowledge, but, if the masses turn against the sphere, then the leader of the elephants will fall."

"That's it then!" Bush declared, "I have to prove to everyone that, even though I blog, I'm not a crazed individual. And the best way to do that..." Bush put on his gun belt. "...is to slaughter everyone who disagrees with me."

"I might have a better idea," Laura declared.

"Aww!" Bush groaned, "Not another solution to a problem that doesn't involve violence!"


Rating: 2.4/5 (31 votes cast)

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