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May 27, 2005
RWD's News Round-Up
Posted by RightWingDuck at 12:50 PM | View blog reactions | Comments (13)

Hello,

I’m RightWingDuck and I’m here to share the news.

I’ve been away for so long that I feel a bit nervous. But as my speech teacher used to say, “Whenever you feel nervous, it's helpful to imagine Saddam Hussein in his underwear.”

Buwahahahaha

In England, a newspaper published photographs of Saddam Hussein in his underwear, folding his clothing . Authorities have no idea who snapped the picture and are investigating. One thing for sure, it wasn’t taken on a Saturday. Saturday is thong day.

Good News for Saddam. He will be filing a lawsuit against the paper.
Bad news. The court date is set for three days after his execution.

I’d like to offer this observation about the Saddam picture: I always thought the word dictator was one word.

People always talked about the man’s meanstreak. Turns out it’ll come out with a little bit of Clorox bleach.

Ironically enough, it may be the last picture of Saddam that has him with clean underwear.

I don’t mind the picture of Saddam. But did they have to snap 50 pictures of him putting on body lotion? shiver::



The Star Wars Movie is out. Woohoo. I guess this will motivate me to finally watch episode 2. To date, the movie has made about $180 Million dollars. This thing is a cash cow. In fact, sources tell me that Lucas suddenly remembered that the story had another chapter: "Star Wars Chapter 3 ½ - I Still Need More Money."

I still don’t understand why Star Wars Fans get all dressed up. I mean, if you were going to see Jane Fonda in Monster In Law – would you go dressed as a commie bitch?

Sorry. That was out of line.

Anyway, authorities are making busts left and right on all of these pirated copies of the new Star Wars film. Can you believe that? The movie is already being sold by street hustlers everywhere. Thankfully, the busts are easy to make: Look for a street vendor. Then look for a customer in a Darth Vader costume.

Burt Reynolds made the news at the premier of his new movie. As you know, his movie is a remake of the 1970’s football film called The Longest Yard. At the premier, Burt playfully slapped a producer who told him that he had never seen the original film.

Now the question is this: Was Burt being playful? The video footage is sketchy. He’s had so much plastic surgery, it’s hard to make out any facial expression. Heck, it’s hard to tell if the man is sleeping.

In fact, publicists should blame the surgery for the slap. The skin is so tight, every time he raises his eyebrows, his right arm flings out “whap”.

I looked at that footage. How come nobody in line is wearing football gear?

The first movie, in my opinion, is one of the best football movies ever made. Hard to believe Burt is now in his 60’s.

Here’s a weird bit. An Alabama great-grandmother, age 57, recently gave birth to twins.

It’s so special when you and your babies enjoy the same soft food.

Why did she have even more kids so late in life? According to my made up sources, they love kids. It’s just that with their bad eyesight they keep misplacing them. But they’re there somewhere. They’ll find them.

Not that it’s all easy. All the fussing. All the diaper changes. And then there’s the babies…and their fussing, and their diapers.


Speaking of crying babies. Al Franken is said to be considering a run for the U.S. Senator slot from Minnesota. The Air America radio host is buying a house there to meet residency requirements. I don’t really have an opinion on this move.

It’s really the same job as Air America, isn’t it? Screaming about Republicans until you're blue in the face. At least in the Senate chambers he’d have more listeners.

**

Thanks. That's all for today. Lots of good stuff in the works. Announcement. Believe it or not, the RWD site has a new post!!! I know. I'm shocked too.

Anway. I can't hear you laugh. So let me know what got a chuckle out of you.

Rating: 2.8/5 (5 votes cast)

News Round-Up
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13 Responses To "RWD's News Round-Up"

First. I loved this part: "All the diaper changes. And then there’s the babies…and their fussing, and their diapers."

#1 - Posted by: Justin C. on May 27, 2005 12:59 PM

I loved, "At least in the Senate chambers he'd have more listeners."

#2 - Posted by: Dave on May 27, 2005 01:18 PM

I liked this one.

"Anyway, authorities are making busts left and right on all of these pirated copies of the new Star Wars film. Can you believe that? The movie is already being sold by street hustlers everywhere. Thankfully, the busts are easy to make: Look for a street vendor. Then look for a customer in a Darth Vader costume."

#3 - Posted by: Tim on May 27, 2005 01:31 PM

RWD,
awesome as always. And how can you be "out of line", when you are on target. She is what she is!!

nice job.

#4 - Posted by: Yonelly on May 27, 2005 01:41 PM

Finally! You know I rely on your roundups to know what's happening in the news.

#5 - Posted by: Frank J. on May 27, 2005 02:02 PM

Frank J.

That's scary. Very scary.

#6 - Posted by: RightWingDuck on May 27, 2005 02:11 PM

top two:

"Star Wars Chapter 3 ½ - I Still Need More Money."

and

"The skin is so tight, every time he raises his eyebrows, his right arm flings out “whap”."

#7 - Posted by: hatless in hattiesburg on May 27, 2005 02:51 PM

I laughed...I cried.....

They were all funny today!!

#8 - Posted by: jonag on May 27, 2005 03:32 PM

Are you crying?

There's no crying in newsroundups!!

/Tom Hanks

#9 - Posted by: RightWingDuck on May 27, 2005 03:47 PM

People always talked about the man’s meanstreak. Turns out it’ll come out with a little bit of Clorox bleach.

LOL!

#10 - Posted by: Laura on May 27, 2005 04:23 PM

"Sorry. That was out of line."

No... she's been asking for that one her whole life.

Oh, and I second Hatless's choice on LOL :-)

#11 - Posted by: Harvey on May 28, 2005 11:01 AM







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#12 - Posted by: name on May 31, 2005 11:11 AM

People always talked about the man’s meanstreak. Turns out it’ll come out with a little bit of Clorox bleach.

That made me laugh mightily.

#13 - Posted by: Pete on May 31, 2005 02:36 PM
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