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June 09, 2005
"I Want to Thank All You Goobers for Voting Democratic!"
Posted by Frank J. at 11:36 AM | View blog reactions | Comments (19)

Since Howard Dean seems so intent on making statements to alienate everyone from the Democrat Party, I thought I'd be my usual helpful self and give him some new statements to help specifically insult everyone and everything:

Stay at Home Moms
"Then there are the few women who vote Republican, pretending that staying home to take care of kids is noble just because they're too dumb to get real jobs."

Gun Owners and Blacks
"The reason Republicans support the NRA is because they desire to be nothing more than gun toting thugs - no offense to the African-American members of the audience who I know only carrry guns because of the harsh reality of gang life."

Latinos
"The Republicans try to pander to you people with immigrations laws, but we Democrats give you what you really want - burritos and chimichangas. You eato. You el likey very mucho."

Hillbillies
"I just want to tell the people of West Virginia not to be threatened by gay marriage. It will open the way to you being able to marry your sisters like you so desire."

Italians and Union Workers
"I can see we have some Italians in the audience. I applaud you for how you use unorthodox methods to keep the unions together, and I know union workers support the mafia and all its activities in return."

The College Educated and Homosexuals
"The Republicans think they are so great, prancing around with their college degrees like a bunch of fags."

Monotremes
"The Republicans are out of touch and out of the mainstream like those freak platypuses that lay eggs when everyone else is having live births."

Amphibians
"They [the Republicans] try to say we're wishy-washy, but they're the ones always changing positions. It's like how a tadpole breathes through gills and then, suddenly, it's a frog breathing through its lungs. Make up your mind, you reject of the animal kingdom!"

Noble Gases
"Republicans just won't work with anyone; they're like how Argon won't chemically combine with anything else. Can that be anymore useless?"

God
"Those Republicans just can't get anything right! They mess things up more because they just don't really care! It's like whoever made the ratio of the circumference of a circle to its diameter equal 3.14 something. If He just put more time into it, it could equal exactly three, but He didn't care!"

Rational People
"Yeargh!"

Rating: 2.5/5 (14 votes cast)

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