U.S. Senate Apologizes to Dead People for Not Making Murder Illegal Enough
Washington D.C - Senator Mary Landrieu (D - LA) was the proud sponsor of a recently passed non-binding resolution apologizing to victims of lynchings for not passing Federal anti-lynching legislation.
"It's the least we could do," said Sen. Landrieu, "these dead people need to hear that it's the Senate's fault - in a non-binding way, of course - that they're dead. I mean, if killing someone would've broken two laws instead of just one, none of this ever would've happened."
"She sho'nuff got dat right," said James Cameron, an African-American who survived an attempted lynching in 1930. "Dey was gonna hang me between two other colored boys, but den I says to 'em, "Y'all don' wants to be lychin' me! Dem Senators up in Washington, I hear tell dey done passed dem a anti-lynchin' bill! Y'all be breakin' TWO laws if'n ya hangs me!""
Terrified at the prospect, Cameron's attackers let him go.
"Dey was all scared and wettin' dey pants!" chuckled Cameron. "Dey din't knows dat I just be lyin' to 'em to gets 'em to let me go."
"Dumb-ass crackas!"
When asked if the Senate has plans to make future meaningless non-apologies to people for not doing things that wouldn't have made a damn bit of difference anyway, Sen. Landrieu replied with optimism.
"In the future we hope to apologize to Senator Robert Byrd for not passing a law to keep him from getting senile." said Landrieu.
Currently there has been no word on whether the Senate intends to apologize to Michael Moore for letting Twinkies make him fat.
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