Ladies and Gentlemen,

I'm excited. In fact, I haven't been this excited since Howard Dean was chosen to lead the DNC. (Sigh, let's take a moment to count our blessings)

Anyway, I've been watching TV lately - which is not something I typically do. I saw that that some of the Jackson jurors were writing books. Really, what is there to say?

Interviewer: So you wrote a book?

Juror: Yes, it's called "Please, We're Really Not a Bunch of Idiots. Stop making fun of us."

Interviewer: Did you get help with the big words.

Juror: No, I was able to... hey!!!

To top that- Runaway Bride Jennifer Wilbanks, the only woman to have a bridal party AND a search party, has announced that she will be selling her story. Really. I can just picture those chapter titles now...

"Tips for how to cut your own hair"

"Faking it. No the other faking it. The disappearance."

"False accusations - maneuvering the PC landscape"

Yes, she's selling her story and making a pretty penny. All after having settled with her county over the reimbursement of search party expenses.

So why am I excited? Opportunity!! Here now is a major announcment.

Announcing RWD's new book "Inside IMAO. A tell all book by someone who knows nothing."

This 20 page book (with 15 drawings by my daughter) will feature never-before-seen information about the crew at IMAO.

You'll read scathing truths such as...

SpaceMonkey has never been in space but has indeed watched the 70's Disney hit, Return to Space Mountain 14 times.

SarahK is really from Brooklyn. She studied her Southern accent from the now defunct Berlitz School of Southern Drawls.

Harvey was in the Navy, but only after coming in second for the Sailor spot in the Village People.

SarahK once had a cat stuck in her car engine. And it's still there. She feeds it and has named it Reva.

Frank J. failed his black belt test for Monkey Fu - for flinging poo.

In college, SarahK once dated Michael Moore.

Photoshop "expert" Kevin, doesn't know photoshop at all. He stalks the streets of his hometown looking for models who actually look like those pictures. He promises fame and fortune then dumps them on the corner.

RWD is allergic to Mexican food. Oh, wait. that's me. Never mind.

Frank J. lost his NRA membership when he insisted that God was asking him to carry out his vengeance. It was reinstated 2 days later when he promised to use only small caliber bullets.

Joe Foos was the only Marine drafted for Iraq after Frank J. issued his local congressman a 'double dog' dare.

Actually, Foo volunteered - just in case Foo is much bigger than RWD and doesn't have a sense of humor.

In order to win SarahK's love. Frank J killed a dog. When questioned by authorities, he claimed, "I'm with PETA and I don't believe animals should be wearing fur."

PLUS THERE'S MORE!!!!

Scott, our podcast producer, is on a rehab program after an addiction to Menudo. Not the food, the Mexican boy band.

FrankJ once considered moving to California to take advantage of the Freeway Shootings.

In college, Frank J once dated Michael Moore.

ALL THIS AND MORE. So screw the Harry Potter books. THIS is top notch entertainment.

Available as soon as I can get a publisher to return my calls.

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