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June 24, 2005
Battle of the Link-Whores: Instapundit vs. the Alliance
Posted by Harvey at 09:52 PM | View blog reactions | Comments (13)

(A Filthy Lie)

As Frank mentioned recently, the venerable Alliance of Free Blogs recently had its honor besmirched by Blogcritics.org, which accused us of link-doping whoring.

Well, *I* say that I've they're gonna throw smirch at you, you might as well rub it all over yourself and revel in the ecstasy of it.

But there arose a question of honor even MORE important. Sure, the Alliance of Free Blogs is an idiotically haphazard collection of people who merely want to rank higher on The Truth Laid Bear's Ecosystem, but how did we compare against the top link-whore in the blogosphere? The man who will link anyone, anytime, for any reason or no reason at all (except for ME, of course): Glenn Reynolds.

Well, it just so happens that that question was answered decisively not so very long ago. In fact, I even wrote a little song about it (in the extended entry)...

(with profuse and sincere apologies to the Charlie Daniels Band)

Glenn Reynolds went to The Alliance He was lookin' for a blog to steal He needed more links 'Cause Instapundit stinks And he was willin' to make a deal

When he came upon this blogger
Giving links like a porn-spambot
Glenn Reynolds stepped
On a hobo's neck
And said, "Boy let me tell you what:

I guess you didn't know it
but I'm a filthy link-whore too
And if you care to take a dare I'll make a bet with you

Now you give gratuitous linkage, boy
But give Glenn Reynolds his due
I'll bet Instalanche gold
'gainst your blogroll
'Cause I link-whore better than you."

The boy said "My name's Harvey
And it might be a sin
But I'll take your bet
And you're gonna regret
'Cause I'm the best there's ever been."

Harvey you fire up MT and link to everyone.
Cause if you've got no traffic, then this blogging thing ain't fun.
And if you win you get free linkage just as good as gold
But if you lose, Glenn gets your whole blogroll.

Glenn opened up his laptop case
And he said I'll start this show
And fire flew from his fingertips
As he Googled to and fro

Then he found a post about Karl Rove,
- How he'd made the liberals hiss -
And a gang of right-wing blogs piled on
And Glenn linked them something like this


When Glenn Reynolds finished, Harvey said
That's some good link-whorin' son
Just sit down in that chair right there
And let me show you how it's done

He linked with: sacrificing hobos
Kill those bums!
The devil's gonna make Glenn number one
Puppy in a blender, round it goes
Reynolds does your dog bite?
Not no mo'


Glenn Reynolds bowed his head
Because he knew that he'd been beat
He gave The Alliance an Instalanche
While Harvey hollered "SWEET!"

Harvey said, Reynolds just come on back
If you ever wanna try again
I done told you once you link-whorin' bitch
I'm the best there's ever been

He linked with: sacrificing hobos
Kill those bums!
The devil's gonna make Glenn number one
Puppy in a blender, round it goes
Reynolds does your dog bite?
Not no mo'

[Instrumental to end]

Rating: 2.5/5 (36 votes cast)

Filthy Lies
~Songs & Poems
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