IMAO has scored another exclusive find.

Sandra Day O’Connor has announced her retirement from the Supreme Court of the United States. So that means there is now a new job opening!! This also means more bickering over whether a President Bush nominee is too conservative.

Have you ever wondered how Democrats decide whether a SCOTUS nominee would be a good judge? They take a test. That’s right – they administer a test.

And the amazing research crew here at IMAO.US has obtained a copy!

Here for your education and enlightenment is a copy of the SCOTUS Candidate Questionnaire.

Introduction: So you want to be a judge on the United States Supreme Court? The Democratic Party would very much like to understand your values and beliefs. Please answer the following questions to the best of your ability. Use a number two pencil.

The Official DNC SCOTUS Litmus Test

1. What is the most hurtful thing a man could say to a woman?

A. “I don’t love you anymore.”
B. “I don’t know, maybe Hillary shouldn’t run.”
C. “No, please. After you…”

2. What is the greatest threat to American society today?

A. Terrorism
B. Moral Bankruptcy
C. Wal-Mart

3. A university admissions staff should give greatest priority to:

A. Those who have earned it through hard work & good grades
B. Those of African American descent
C. Illegal aliens

4. Affirmative Action means…

A. Helping minorities gain the skills to compete on merit
B. Trying to hire the “right kind” of Asian
C. Are you black? Please ignore this question.

5. What is the best way to acquire property?

A. Hard work and savings.
B. More first time buyer programs
C. Eminent Domain

6. What do you think about when we say Following The Highest Law?

A. God
B. The US Constitution
C. International Law

7. If you couldn’t reach a decision on a ruling, where would you go for guidance?

A. The Holy Bible
B. The United Nations
C. The New York Times

8. I last attended a church function…

A. Because it was the Sabbath
B. I think it was either Easter or Christmas.
C. To hear a speech by Al Gore

9. I think the music that best represents America is sung by

A. Willie Nelson
B. Sir Elton John
C. The Rapper known as the “Arabic Assassin”

10. I believe in the death penalty…

A. For any heinous capital offense
B. Only for white guys
C. Only during the first three trimesters

11. What are your views on abortion?

A. It’s a life you damn baby killer
B. Okay in the first trimester
C. Hmm. Abortion. Can I have one right now?

12. What are your views of homosexuality?

A. It’s a sick, perverted lifestyle
B. Live and let live
C. Do I have to answer right now? Will & Grace is on…

13. I believe the US prison systems should have…

A. More prisoners in each cell
B. More rehabilitation services
C. More voting booths

14.I believe the cruelest place to keep a captured enemy insurgent is…

A. Barbra Streisand’s Dressing Room
B. Guantanamo Bay
C. A prison of any kind – whether or not it has walls.

15. I believe Ted Kennedy…

A. Should be kept away from babes, bridges and booze.
B. Is an American icon.
C. Should be consulted before all legal decisions

Scoring.
Award 1 point for each A answer.
Award 2 points for each B answer.
Award 3 points for each C answer.

Evaluation

15 – 20 points. Right Wing Wacko. Keep this person away from the court by all means necessary including smear campaigns, sexual scandal, and accusations of friendship with George W. Bush.

21-32 points. Moderate. Although there is nothing wrong with a moderate – we believe that any moderate is only a few points from joining the Religious Right. Please evaluate carefully and consider filibuster as an option.

33-44 points. Progressive: Excellent candidate with tremendous potential to help create a more progressive America, and hopefully one day – a territory of the United Nations.

45 points. Perfect score. But why are you taking this test? We thought you were retiring?

**

Once again. Another victory for the bloggers who work so hard to enlighten and entertain!!

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