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August 04, 2005
Mega M&Ms
Posted by Laurence Simon at 03:28 PM | View blog reactions | Comments (15)

I guess Mega M&Ms are here to stay.

A new line of Mega M&M's, which on average are 55 percent bigger than the originals, were introduced Thursday at Grand Central Station in Manhattan.

"It's the candy that everyone loves, but with a bigger chocolate taste," said Masterfoods USA spokeswoman Joan Buyce. Masterfoods USA owns the M&Ms brand and is a part of privately-held food manufacturer Mars, Inc.

While Mini M&M's are popular among moms and kids, the new, bigger M&M's are designed with adults in mind. "It broadens our portfolio so there's something for everyone," Buyce said.

I disagree. You're still leaving people out. And according to people like Ken Livingstone and George Galloway, if you don't include people, they end up being excluded and driven to terrorism.

We can't have that, can we?

So, in the spirit of inclusion and multiculural sensitivity/diversity, what's next in the world of M&Ms?

  • Mesquite-Grilled M&Ms - Once upon a time, mesquite just grew everywhere, minding its own business. Then someone boneheaded Texan tossed his cigarette on one, it caught fire, and the rest is history. Well, except for the M&M part.

  • M&Ms for the visually impaired - Who's the wise guy who filled my candy dish with U&U's?

  • M&Ms for Girls - You can dress them up in ten different interchangeable outfits! Do their hair! Paint their nails! You can give yourself a candy-coating lip gloss!

  • Mu&Mus - It's all Greek to me. You like-a the juice?

  • EmineM&Ms - M&M provides five million dollars worth of M&Ms to Eminem to use in his newest video only to find out he writes lyrics saying that the candies suck.

  • Kosher M&Ms - A little something to nosh on, perhaps?

  • MM& - Specially forumulated for Dyslexics.

  • M&M. Night Shyamalans - They're hugely popular, have widespread critical acclaim, and right before you finish them you get a surprise twist aftertaste that lets everyone down.

If you don't see these varieties of M&Ms, rough up your neighborhood grocer today until he puts them on the shelves.

(Don't believe his lies! He's hiding them in the back!)

Rating: 2.5/5 (15 votes cast)

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