About IMAO

Giving money to Frank J. makes you happy!

Buy funniest book ever!

IMAO Podcasts
IMAO Merchandise and Newsletter

Cool shirts, mugs, stickers, and what-not!

About IMAO
Then conquer we must, for our cause is just, 
And this be our motto--'In God is our trust.' 
And the star-spangled banner in triumph doth wave 
O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave.

If you want to send something by snail mail, e-mail with subject "P.O. Box" to get mail information for Frank J. and SarahK.

About Frank J.

Frank J.
Cadet Happy
Laurence Simon

Popular Categories
Fred Thompson Facts
John Edwards Fabulous Facts
IMAO Condensed
Know Thy Enemy
Frank the Artist
In My World
Other Content
Ode to Violence
Brief Histories
IMAO Audio Bits

Read the Essay
Own the Shirt
Peace Gallery
Search IMAO
Web www.imao.us
"All quotes attributed to me on IMAO are made up... including this one."
-Glenn Reynolds

"Unfunny treasonous ronin!"
-Lou Tulio*

"You, sir, are a natural born killer."
-E. Harrington

"You'll never get my job! Never!!!"
-Jonah Goldberg

"In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth. And He did despair, for in His omniscience, He did know that His creations had but three-fifths of the splendor of that which would be IMAO."
-No One of Consequence

"A blogger with a sense of humor."
-Some Woman on MSNBC
Ace of Spades HQ
The Anti-Idiotarian Rottweiler
Captain's Quarters
Classical Values
Conservative Grapevine
The Corner
The Daily Gut (with Jim Treacher!)
Dave in Texas
Eject! Eject! Eject!
Electric Venom
Hot Air
Puppy Blender
La Shawn Barber's Corner
Michelle Malkin
Protein Wisdom
Rachel Lucas
Right Wing News
Serenity's Journal
Townhall Blog

IMAO Blogroll
Bad Example
Cadet Happy
The Flying Space Monkey Chronicles
mountaineer musings
Right Wing Duck
SarahK & Cadet Happy snark TV
This Blog Is Full of Crap

Fred Thompson Links
Fred File
Blogs for Fred
Fred Thompson Facts


August 23, 2005
A Story, Bit-by-Bit
Superego: Part 15 - Humor
Posted by Frank J. at 02:21 PM | View blog reactions | Comments (7)


"So will you proceed unarmed, Officer Rico?"

Dip had started calling me "officer." I decided to ignore it. "What do you think?"

"You seem to dislike being without guns. I also think that, if you are found to have weapons, you'll probably kill the witnesses. That won't be very police officer like of you."

I was about to give Dip an odd glance, but then I remembered he was just a voice in my ear. I was taking a few armaments with me - guns, explosives - and, yes, I would kill the Detective and any other officers around if my weapons were discovered. But, they would only be discovered if I had to use them, which meant I had been placed in a dangerous position where I had no option but to shoot back at some criminals. So, if I had to kill the Detective on that matter, it would be for her own incompetence.

"Officer Rico, this seems like a lot of effort to get a little information."

"I just think I'm going to be needing that information, Dip. I have the feeling Gredler is involved in something big, and things just aren't adding up."

"Maybe you should have me do the adding; I'm very good with math."

That was enough. "Dip, are you being stupid, or are you trying to make jokes?"

"The latter. I took what you meant metaphorically and treated it literally. I understand with some jokes..."

"Why are you trying to be funny, Dip?"

"You have been very hard to get input from, thus, using a random number generator, I've decided to try different things to see if they suit you better. It does seem like you could use more humor, Rico."

I just grunted in response as I picked out a coat. It had been warm out, so I needed one I could conceal everything with while not making myself too hot. "Dip, how is the extraction plan going?"

"I have a new plan which I rate to have approximately a 23.847% chance of success. Do you like the number? I made it more computer like instead of a nice round number."

"I don't care how many decimal spaces you give me, Dip; I need a much better plan."

"As for your own plan, what happens if you are unable to gain Detective Thompson's trust to get the information from her?"

"What do you think?"

"I think you will drag her into a dark alley, beat the information out of her, and then kill her - probably with a blaster so you won't get a mess on yourself."

That was almost eerie. Dip really did seem to be making an effort to understand me. "You're beginning to think like a hitman, Dip."

"That makes an interesting irony: for the Detective to live, she has to be naive enough to trust a psychopath."

I put on a nice light jacket. "Live longer, at least."

"I think you should revisit my conclusion that you are evil, Rico."

"I told you I don't have time for that; too much work to do to indulge your learning algorithms."

"Do you really think you'll be able to find the terrorists, Officer Rico?"

"A killer in search of killers - it just might work." I had a keen eye - that's how I survive - and it seemed I should be able to do this... or at least impress the Detective enough in the attempt. Then maybe she could help me find out why this hit seemed so odd. I still couldn't quite place my finger on exactly what disturbed me so much, but I think I might actually be... scared.

Is that possible?

"Rico! Knock. Knock."

"Shut up, Dip."


Rating: 2.1/5 (28 votes cast)

Email This | Add to del.icio.us | Digg this | StumbleUpon Toolbar Stumble It!

Buy IMAO T-Shirts

IMAO T-Shirts

The IMAO T-Shirt Babe
(winning picture) YOU BUY NEW SHIRTS NOW!!!
Yay! Books!

By Category
American Idol
Barackalypse Now
Best of IMAO 2002
Best of IMAO 2006
Bite-Sized Wisdom
Election 2008
Filthy Lies
Frank Answers
Frank Discussions
Frank on Guns
Frank Reads the Bible
Frank the Artist
Fred Thompson Facts
Friday Cat-Blogging
Fun Trivia
Hellbender Take Two
Hillary Clinton Terrible Truths
I Hate Frank
If I Were President
ignis fatuous
IMAO Condensed
IMAO Exclusives
IMAO for the Non-Deaf
IMAO Reviews
IMAO Think Tank
In My World
In My World - Fan Fiction
John Edwards Fabulous Facts
Know Thy Enemy
Michael Moore
Mitt Romney Ads
News Round-Up
Newsish Fakery
No, McCain't
Our Military
Permalink Contest
Precision Guided Humor Assignments
Ron Paul, Ron Paul, Ron Paul
Ronin Profiles
Ronin Thought of the Day
SarahK's TV stuff
Scary Evil Monkey
Simpsons Trivia
Songs & Poems
State of the Frank Report
Totally True Tidbits
WEsistance Is Facile
Why Me Laugh?
Yvonne's Ashes
By Month
December 2008
September 2008
August 2008
July 2008
June 2008
May 2008
April 2008
March 2008
February 2008
January 2008
December 2007
November 2007
October 2007
September 2007
August 2007
July 2007
June 2007
May 2007
April 2007
March 2007
February 2007
January 2007
December 2006
November 2006
October 2006
September 2006
August 2006
July 2006
June 2006
May 2006
April 2006
March 2006
February 2006
January 2006
December 2005
November 2005
October 2005
September 2005
August 2005
July 2005
June 2005
May 2005
April 2005
March 2005
February 2005
January 2005
December 2004
November 2004
October 2004
September 2004
August 2004
July 2004
June 2004
May 2004
April 2004
March 2004
February 2004
January 2004
December 2003
November 2003
October 2003
September 2003
August 2003
July 2003
June 2003
May 2003
April 2003
March 2003
February 2003
January 2003
December 2002
November 2002
October 2002
September 2002
August 2002
July 2002
March 1933