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August 31, 2005
George Bush is Stealing My Oil!
(A Precision Guided Humor Assignment)  According to modern leftist dogma, the whole reason we went to Iraq is to steal oil. Yet oil's going for nearly $70 a barrel these days. Since it's obvious that he didn't sell it on the open market, what did W do with all that stolen oil? My theories: * Fixed that sticky door hinge on Air Force One. * Needed supplies for the "Oil-Wrestle Condi" contest. * Keeps it in his personal refinery so that he has enough gas to drive his International CXT across town if he wants to. * Dumped it in Boston Harbor as a protest against England's "Texas Tea Tax". * He's reverse-engineering it to make an army of dinosaurs. * Sea otters have become tragically non-flammable in recent years. Trend now reversed. * It's still sitting in Iraq, because Bush is having trouble getting blood for it. * Bush hopes that if he keeps enough oil for himself, his monkey-faced daughters will grow up to be as pretty as Elly May. * It's even possible that he didn't steal the oil. Maybe it's just that there are no barrels left to put the oil in because Bush had them made into steelpan drums which he's giving away to boost his poll numbers in the Caribbean-American community. * However, based on recently acquired satellite images, I'd have to say that it's pretty obvious that he's just hiding it in and around the White House. (click to enlarge) BONUS FUN GAME: How many barrels of George Bush's stolen oil can you find in this picture? 14 Responses To "George Bush is Stealing My Oil!"
I concur #3 - Posted by: on August 31, 2005 06:51 PMIt's a trick question! Those are just decoys. The President is really keeping all the oil here. [/shameless plug] #4 - Posted by: GEBIV on August 31, 2005 08:30 PMPerhaps the oil is being converted into sterno so that Teddy Kennedy has something to hold him over during those long sessions of the senate. #5 - Posted by: martin_luther on August 31, 2005 11:18 PM41 You always forget to look at the "big picture". If you look correctly the whole picture is a barrel of oil!!!!! #7 - Posted by: Francesco Poli on September 1, 2005 07:08 AMMmmm, Condi oil-wrestling.... #8 - Posted by: Dave on September 1, 2005 11:04 AMI only see 40 as well, but my guess is 43, to match W's Presidential Number! What do I win? #9 - Posted by: GregJ (no relation) on September 1, 2005 02:15 PMI million barrels -you guys forgot that most of the oil is underground! #10 - Posted by: DL on September 1, 2005 03:31 PMThe correct answer is "How many barrels do your feelings tell you are there? Don't trust your lying eyes! Let your emotions guide you to count the right number of barrels!" Or possiby 40. #11 - Posted by: Harvey on September 1, 2005 03:41 PM"..reverse-engineering it to make an army of dinosaurs." - That's the funniest thing I've heard all day. Good work, Mr. Giant Invisible Rabbit. #12 - Posted by: Mr. Bubble on September 2, 2005 01:40 AMBubble, it is my firm belief that Harvey is not a giant, invisible rabbit. He's just a regular day-to-day pooka that took the form of one. #13 - Posted by: Chuck on September 2, 2005 10:24 AMPretty darn funny. Do these kooks ever stop. Ya gotta love em, if ya cant, put em in a barrel and put em...you know...LOL #14 - Posted by: John R. on September 6, 2005 05:58 PMPost a comment
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