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September 07, 2005
Bush Causes Hurricane!
(A Precision Guided Humor Assignment) A lot of people have tried to blame Hurricane Katrina on President Bush. Robert F. Kennedy Jr., for example, claims it's because Bush refused to sign legislation reducing CO2 output, thus contributing to global warming and causing chaotic weather patterns, including Hurricane Katrina. Silly Bobby! George's Katrina connection is far more crafty and subtle than the ham-fisted scenario that you outline. His actual contributions to global warming include such diverse elements as: * Boiling water to make tea, but not immediately turning off the stove burner afterwards. * Ordering extra jalapenos with his nachos. * Allowing Kim Jong Il's poofy hair to trap carbon dioxide - a known greenhouse gas. * Sure, he made Kim get it cut eventually, but not until AFTER the damage was already done. * Having two really hot daughters. Once his negligence allowed Katrina to form, he didn't do anything to prevent it's destructive rampage. Consider: * He could've lined the Gulf Coast with big fans and blown Katrina down to Cuba - but he didn't. * He could've ordered the space shuttle to orbit the Earth really fast, thus turning back time so that the hurricane could've been prevented - but he didn't. * He could've stood atop a levee shouting "By the power of Grayskull, I command you to stop!" - but he didn't. That's right. He let Hurricane Katrina have free reign to do whatever the hell she wanted! WHY? Because hurricanes tend to vote Republican, THAT'S why! But you'd think Chimpy McBushitler would've at LEAST been smart enough to make the APPEARANCE of helping out after the storm, right? HA! * He was overheard praying for God to "take care of those poor people in New Orleans". Apparently he meant "take care of" in the Don Corleone sense. * Remember that plastic turkey Bush tried serving to the troops in 2003? He could've airdropped thousands of them to the victims to use as flotation devices - but he didn't! * He was even videotaped casting a spell on the Sorcerer's Broom to carry buckets of water into the city to drown everyone!
But even if all this evidence doesn't convince you, you still can't deny that the following Top Secret photograph proves beyond a shadow of a doubt that George Bush is responsible for Hurricane Katrina:
Crap! Gotta run! Black helicopters!!! Don't let Bush get away with this!1!! 21 Responses To "Bush Causes Hurricane!"
First!! #1 - Posted by: Matt on September 7, 2005 08:43 PMBush actually used the JOOOOS! to prevent aid from getting there. #2 - Posted by: Matt on September 7, 2005 08:47 PMWow! You guys are creepin' me out man! How am I supposed to sleep at night now knowing THE TRUTH (which is out there .. somewhere) #3 - Posted by: hondo on September 7, 2005 11:33 PMDid the President send the black helicopters to take away this weeks pod cast? #4 - Posted by: Paul on September 8, 2005 05:59 AMI've heard that Bushitler uses The Weather Channel as a propoganda machine to make people THINK hurricanes just occur naturally and they're the fault of no one. WE know the TRUTH, lying sonofa...... #7 - Posted by: Bombtruck on September 8, 2005 10:43 AMI say his daughters are the main cause of all global warming. Their hotness(is that a word?) causes guys to get all hot and sweaty when they look at them, thus causing more global warming to happen. #8 - Posted by: karanadon137 on September 8, 2005 12:46 PMI kept pressing the Kennedy Compound button but nothing happened!? #9 - Posted by: RA on September 8, 2005 03:41 PM"causes guys to get all hot and sweaty when they look at them, thus causing more global warming to happen." Karanodon: There was actually a really bizarre Appalachian preacher on Art Bell two weeks ago who claimed that global warming was being caused by an increase in the number of souls in Hell in our immoral age. His theory was that so many souls was forcing Satan to "stoke the fires" as it were to take care of the overload. (:P) Pomoze Bog. His theory was that so many souls was forcing Satan to "stoke the fires" as it were to take care of the overload.I thought that was Howard Dean. #11 - Posted by: Horrabin on September 9, 2005 12:16 AM Everyone has it all wrong. After vacationing in Phoenix 2 weeks ago and then witnessing Katrina's devestation, I have no doubt that the overbuilding in Phoenix has a direct effect on global warming! It was 120 degrees in the day and 90 at night. It's Bush's fault that people are moving to Phoenix because Allan Greenspan has lowered mortgage interest rates and thus causing the building boom! I say nuke Phoenix to save the planet, after, of course, all of my family sells thier property and moves to Vegas. It still cool there eh? #12 - Posted by: Rich on September 9, 2005 01:37 AMBombtruck OOOOPS! Forgot to put in my name on that last post. #14 - Posted by: Dl on September 9, 2005 02:29 AMWow, finally an explanation that makes sense. And I was searching for an answer at DU... #15 - Posted by: Bill on September 9, 2005 09:22 AMHarvey, President Bush actually WAS going to use fans along the west coast of Florida to push Katrina back, but then it would have hit Mexico and he would have been accused of causing a lot of Mexican wet backs. So, I guess, he decided to drown democrats, instead. #16 - Posted by: Peter Hughes on September 9, 2005 03:17 PMI'm concerned that Bush's racially prejudiced weather machine may be hacked by the chinese and used against koreans. I hope he applied the new winXP security patch that will permanently protect his computer from ninjas. (Your shaolin dragon-style is no match for my new service pack!) #17 - Posted by: Lickety Split on September 10, 2005 06:32 AMYou have got to be kidding. Bush's problem is inaction more than anything. I am wondering, with the way he double talks and his inability to act quickly when a disaster happens if he isn't doing a Reagan and suffering from early alzhiemers. #18 - Posted by: Grandma on September 10, 2005 12:14 PMActually,now that I think about it, I'm not sure if bU$h used the JOOOOS! or the JOOOOOS! used Bu$h. Blame it on the vice presidents doctors. Bush was having problems with his mastermind machine so he invited the vp's doctors (experts in the art of keeping the vp alive) to help in the upkeep and maintenance on the machine. When katrina hit, the machine was moved to an undisclosed location. Black helicopters here too? WTFOMFgROFLMAOROXXORS!!!1111, gotta go! #20 - Posted by: on September 25, 2005 12:48 PMLets throw conservatives and liberals in the lake of fire cause neither party of politicians cares for their neurotic behinds. Those rich jokers don't give a damn about your sorry middle to low mincomes behinds! It's a joke!!! and so are you all!!!!!! #21 - Posted by: on September 28, 2005 03:00 PMPost a comment
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