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September 14, 2005
Hurricane Relief From the UN
(A Precision Guided Humor Assignment) Recently the UN offered to assist the US in dealing with the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina. Working through their Office for the Coordination of Humanitarian Affairs, the UN has requested that all member nations donate whatever they can. Below is a partial list of current pledges: Afghanistan - 34 tons of surplus building rubble. Australia - 20 million cans of Foster's, each with a souvenier crocodile-tooth can opener that says "No Worries, Mate". Belarus - 10 black-market suitcase nukes for beefing up security against looters. Bolivia - 10,000 bushels of cocaine to keep the rescue workers alert. Brazil - 1 million coupons good for a free bikini wax. Canada - one slightly used hockey stick. China - 1 million cookies with super extra happy cheerful lucky fun fortunes, like "You find dry soon". Cuba - 1000 flotation devices France - Haughty, derisive laughter. Germany - A crate of emergency lederhosen. Greece - 200 burly, hirsute homosexuals. Guyana - 1000 barrels of grape Kool-Aid Iran - 1500 "freedom fighters" with explosive "liberty belts". Ireland - 750 belligerent drunks. Jamaica - 50 bales of weed and 1000 Rasta hats. Japan - This handy instructional shirt-folding video. Kenya - 50 "Holy Crap. Lions! Tours" busses. Saudi Arabia - 1 million sandbags (bags not included) Somalia - Assorted warlords & gunmen. Sweden - The Bikini Team. UK - Spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, baked beans, spam, spam, spam, and spam. Also, rumor has it that Kofi Annan himself will be pledging $10 billion dollars of embezzled funds to the Red Cross. Or maybe he pledged to embezzle $10 billion from the Red Cross. Hard to tell, his English is only so-so. Anyway, if you've heard of any other pledges, feel free to mention them in the comments. If you'd like to MAKE a pledge, see the Red Cross. 19 Responses To "Hurricane Relief From the UN"
Well done, Harvey. Pomoze Bog. ROFL My understanding is that Bush has kindly refused Guyana's offer, however; the Kool-aid is being supplied in copious quantities by the American Left. Tsar Lazar #2 - Posted by: Tsar Lazar on September 14, 2005 04:40 PMyou forgot a few soldiers to take care of the women folk. #3 - Posted by: Dr. Phat Tony on September 14, 2005 05:34 PMHmmm... Scotland - 10 bagpipes and a kilt made from patches of other kilts North Korea - some poofy hair wigs and maybe/maybe not nukes Iran - 6 friendly Hamas members and some kosher pickels #4 - Posted by: SilverBubble on September 14, 2005 06:27 PMI just heard of Canada's other contribution to the recovery effort: A CASE OF REAL BEER ;) #5 - Posted by: Vox Poplar on September 14, 2005 06:28 PMI couldn't wait to check out that Swedish bikini team website!!! I was very dissapointed to discover that they actually want you to pay money for a membership. What kind of degenerate would pay money just so they could look at pictures of the Swedish bikini team? How completely messed up would you have to be to pay money to join a website like that? Besides Harvey I mean. I'm sure he is just fine. #6 - Posted by: JMK on September 14, 2005 06:54 PMPomoze Bog. Vox: Tsar Lazar #7 - Posted by: Tsar Lazar on September 15, 2005 12:10 AMSeeing the bit about Greece reminded me of this story. What really gets me though? Thousands of such sex videos were also found stored on computer hard drives seized in the shop.Makes me wanna poll how many people actually use cell phones for that purpose. I never knew it was so prolific. #8 - Posted by: Anathematized1 on September 15, 2005 12:43 AM You failed to tell us that Canada's donated hockey stick will be disallowed to cross the boundry as it is considered by Canada to be a dangerous weapon and hence has been duly registered and confiscated. #9 - Posted by: DL on September 15, 2005 09:01 AMThat 10 Billion donation by the ever- altruistic Kofi Annan is a true story -not a rumor. However, it was not donated to the RC, it is in the form of I.O.U.s and is directed to go into a new international charity fund headed up by Bill Clinton called FillBill. Please note that Jimmy Carter will assist Bill in charity duties when Bill is force to return to Harlem to fulfill his black-presidental duties. Bill has assured wary donators that absolutly no money will be used to clean blue dresses. #10 - Posted by: DL on September 15, 2005 09:12 AMI hear that Mexico is sending 1,000,000 litres of freshly bottled Montezuma Water. (To be delivered at night somewhere between Yuma and Nogalas AZ.)by 4,000,000 volunteers who are too modest to leave their names. #11 - Posted by: DL on September 15, 2005 09:19 AMNigeria is donating 100 armed and uniformed Muslim rapists to look after our young women. #12 - Posted by: Pluto's Dad on September 15, 2005 09:29 AMAl Franken: is donating $500,000 of the Boys Club's money. #13 - Posted by: Pluto's Dad on September 15, 2005 09:30 AMDL: Actually I heard for real that Mexico is sending water purification equipment. What a joke. That's ok Mexico you can keep it. #14 - Posted by: Pluto's Dad on September 15, 2005 09:53 AMWoah...Thanks, Japan!!! I can't wait to get home and do some laundry! That video was freakin' incredible! #15 - Posted by: Junglejake on September 15, 2005 05:32 PMWow, as an evacuee (sp)) I want the Fosters and the swedish bikini team. Currently displaced in Little Rock, AR. The people are super nice. But I can't find a decent neighborhood bar. UGHHHHHH. Danjo Given Bush's lack of diplomacy skills you're lucky anyone offered too help at all. #17 - Posted by: Shamus on September 16, 2005 02:02 AM//Given Bush's lack of diplomacy skills you're lucky anyone offered too help at all.// Given the UN's lack of scruples and ethics I'm not surprised he didn't accept any of their "help" Shamus...and by the way lovely name your mom gave you...she must have been REALLLLLY embarassed. TEEEEEJ #18 - Posted by: tjgruffs on September 16, 2005 08:53 AMShamus - ya know, we DO have a back-up plan: invade the other countries and STEAL their relief supplies! MUAHAHAHAHAHA! #19 - Posted by: Harvey on September 16, 2005 10:45 AMPost a comment
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