Ahem, first, and safe in sunny CA.

Tsar Lazar

Tsar,
Or so you are so foolish to believe!

Pomoze Bog.

"Also, have some rope. Rope is always useful."

Yes, especially if your mayor is of the caliber of leadership as "Knucklehead" Nagins...

I think people who accept aid from the national guard but have actually served in the guard or served in a disaster releif themselves are chickensquats.

Right mninb?

whatever spaceminky, but definitely use any hurricane opportunity to shoot a looter. It's a perfect time to use your handguns to off someone legally. Course you could join the military, go to Iraq and off lots of people legally. That would be even better.

Get your own quesadilla!!

Pomoze Bog.

"Course you could join the military, go to Iraq and off lots of people legally. That would be even better."

Yes, mninb(aka minibrain), it would. Especially since they'd all be Ishmaelites. As a friend of mine who was a Marine Recon sniper at the Battle of Khafji (first Gulf War) used to say, "Killin' Towels for Jesus was the best thing I've even done in my life." He has the medals on his wall to prove it, and they weren't awarded for lifesaving...

Tsar Lazar

That dog part was pretty gross Frank, but the pit bull comment made me laugh out loud.

I'm in NJ, and I think we're just getting a rainstorm today...however, one can never be too sure. Only two of my kids have a banana yellow raincoat...should I disown the other two?? (I hope not. They're cute and I've grown quite attached to them.) or is this my own fault for only providing half of them with the proper rain gear??

>should be banana yellow for highest efficacy

But what about the monkeys?

Don't forget your propane-powered VCR from your unused Y2K-preparedness stash.

While they say never to use a generator indoors, you actually can if you build an exhaust pipe that leads outside. Be sure to rig it so you can make it shoot fire and impress the neighbors.

"If the only food left is Spam, am I prepared to eat it, or is that the time to resort to cannibalism?"

From what I understand, people taste a lot like Spam (or Spam tastes a lot like people), so this isn't as hard a decision as you think...

When planning to shoot looters in a hurricane, remember that the storm will severly limit your visible fields of fire. That's OK for your pistols and shotguns, but how to bring your automatic rifles into play?

I learned this trick in the sand storms of Somolia. Set out piles of stuff that will attract looters (TVs, rolexs, food, dipers, etc.), and tie bells or empty cans to the items. Then sight in your rifles (range card) to effectively "engage" anyone near the piles when you hear the bells and cans rattling, even if you can't see the looters.

This is sort of like a "looter salt-lick". Works every time.

Actually, it's cloudy right now in Southern California, but I know I'm safe. I'm in Nixon country (also known as Orange County), a place that Karl Rove has marked 'off limits' for the people that run his weather machines.

I have this heavy wrought iron thing (I'm not sure what it is) that I like to put on top of my cat Sydney to pin her down so she'll stop running around and jumping on the furniture.

Is it safe to put that thing on rambunctious toddlers? If so, can I borrow it?

Don't waste your potable water on water balloons. That's what the flood water is for (though you may receive a strongly worded letter from the UN in regards to chemical warfare).

So this hurricane Rita is predicted to hit Texas, specifcally the Houston area where all the New Orleans evacuees went to.....AND most of the evacuees are black.....AND George Bush HATES black people....AND hurricanes are always WHITE, just like George Bush and the Republican Party........AND there's OIL in Texas.....George Bush is from Texas.....AND Bush is under control of Halliburton....I think you know what I'm saying! Chimpy McBushitler strikes again!!!.....

Hey, I'm just saving the kossacks the trouble of coming up with this stuff in a few days.

Pomoze Bog.

"From what I understand, people taste a lot like Spam (or Spam tastes a lot like people), so this isn't as hard a decision as you think..."

It's kind of a Soylent Green thang.

Tsar Lazar

*Barfs* you guys are brainwashed man, it makes me sick

"While I might have enough water for drinking and cleaning my socks, if a water balloon fight breaks out, do I have enough water (and balloons) to return fire?"
"If the water balloon fight turns into a war and then a quagmire, how long can I keep armed with water balloons until my water supply is exhausted?"

What about an exit strategy? How are we supposed to get ourselves out of this quagmire? And is this a run of the mill quagmire, a quagmire to bring freedom to another nation, or a quagmire to make Haliburton a lot of money?

"Persian" Maneuver should be Parisian?

Or am I missing something.

...but information on the 'net is highly unreliable and should not be trusted in a life or death situation....

I hear that information on the 'net is especially prone to high unreliability during hurricane season. I believe this is why I keep reading about Knucklehead Nagin™ espousing the following: "In case of a hurricane or if the levee breaks, you're all on your own.", "I'm the Mayor. Evacuate, everybody! EVACUATE!", "No--go to the Superdome--then evacuate.", "We need somebody to help us evacuate!", "Who left those busses over there?", "OK, everybody. It's dry enough for all my voters to come back now", "No, wait. It's not really dry enough, and besides there's another hurricane coming, and the levees are still in questionable shape, so go away now."

But at least I have IMAO--the one true source for internet news.

You can copyright that if you want, Frank.

What do you use, Frank? A Ti-89 (My favorite)?

The graphing calculator is a must. How else can you compute how much water you will need to return fire from a particularly heavy barrage of water balloons AND graph it so you can really get a good idea?

Damnit, Frank. Where was this information when *I* needed it? That graphing calculator was all that I really needed and I didn't even know it until now!

MiniShitForBrains: Why are you here? You should be on the front lines with Cindy Sheehan getting brutalized by NY cops. You're a chickenshit.

Checking your shotgun in the shower! classic!

Graphing calculators are also quite useful to quickly compute the balistic trajectory water ballons must take to their intended target(s). More accurate water ballons means better water conservation.

You guys are freaks, but aren't all jews??

david_will
Hookahkings.com