FIRST.

What is the big deal about peolple claiming the first comment spot?

What is a peolple, some kind of stinkin monkey lovin liberal?

"Rama-dan-dan, three men in a john."

That's all I got.

As we all know, if you are bitten by a zombie, you turn into one, and hippies are no different.

Is there a correlation between the two groups?

Why won't the Democrat zombies just admit that they are Communists? Will Lenin ever be buried?

Why is Helen Thomas so ugly?

Although it's easier to use guns to fight zombies, since you're a knife person, what type of knives do you recommend? I live in Minnesota, so there are a lot of these zombies out here (Remember, we're the only state that Jimmy Carter and Walter Mondale got...or was it just one of them?), and I want to know what my backup weapon should be if I run out of ammo.

Gunlord

"If Howard Dean can win ANY kind of election, then anything is possible if we try." ~Me

I need to know the best way to deal with liberal family members who wish to convert me to idiocy..er I mean liberalism. I am unwilling to risk life sentences in prison just to shoot them.

Why is Halloween even a holiday? Most holidays commemorate something. Stupidist holiday ever.

Does anyone have plans to put up a link to the Carnival of Comedy, or is it just assumed that people know where it's being hosted?

Should we adopt a constitutional amendment to prevent liberals from using artificial means such as Botox (Senator Kerry), alcohol (Senator Kennedy), plastic surgery (Senator Boxer, Representative Pelosi) or pacts with the devil (Senator Byrd) to preserve themselves and thus retain power for periods that extend beyond those of typical mortals?

Dear Doctor Ducky,
There is a girl I am trying to impress. Any advice?

Dear Ducky,

If we all know the dead rise from thier graves on Halloween, and dead vote Democrat, shouldn't we have Second Amendment Republicans out there shooting Zombies with silver bullets so states like Washington and Illinois turn Red?

Dr. Duck~

What was Tom DeLay thinking that made him smile so convincingly in his mug shot?

At what exact moment does the god of the hunt replace the godess of fertility as the ruler of earth until next easter?

Time to brush up on Babylonian Sun god BS. Or pagan BS.

Why is samhain pronounced sowen?

Dr. Duck,

If, on Halloween night, I open my door and Michael Moore or Cindy Sheehan are standing there, should I open fire immediately? Or is it possible it's a young conservative dressed in the scariest costume they could think of?

Trick OR Treat?

Dr Duck,
Why do you think I am Harvey, I have not been Harvey in several years.

What are your credentials as a Doctor?

What should I, the great Frank J., go as for Halloween?

Dr. Ducky,
If I answer a knock at the door on Halloween, and see the hideous sight of Hillary Clinton asking for my vote, if I wave garlic at her will that repel her? Or do I need something stronger, like a tactical nuclear device, or maybe a picture of Helen Thomas nude?

Dr. Duck,

I was thinking of dressing up as Hillary for my Halloween party, complete with a Hillary for President 2008 button. Will that be too scary for my guests to handle? Also, can you recommend something to control the uncontrollable vomiting that occurs whenever I think about dressing up as Hillary for Halloween?

Dear Dr. Duck:

If two deaf men get on a westbound train going 42 MPH, and three more deaf men get on an eastbound train going 65 MPH, will anyone hear the crash?

As an amputee, is it unfair for me to have an authentic peg leg for my pirate costume? Will it give me an unfair advantage in the company Halloween costume contest? Will the ACLU sue me on behalf of Pirate amputees for stereotyping and slander?

During Mexico's Day of the Dead, how do you tell the difference between costumed revelers and the 10,000 skeletons that washed up from New Orleans?

That last one was me by the way. Forgot the "Name" field.