Dear Ducky,
I have an American history exam tomorrow morning. What are the answers? and why am I at IMAO.us insteady of studying?

What's that smell?

Dear Duckster,

Why does it burn when I pee?

Hey Doc~

My advisor swore to me that Geography of Environmental systems was an easy A for a Poli Sci major who hates science. She was very wrong, and I am now contemplating vengeance. Any suggestions?

When will my employer recognize that my work cuts into important and valuable blogging time? 8 hours a day. Isn't that a bit prohibitive?

Dear Doctor Duck.

A man who lives three houses down from me owns a monkey... That's right, a real, live, plotting, evil monkey. He keeps the monkey in a large cage in one room of his house with the windows open so you can see the money as you drive down the street.

Why does this man own a monkey? Why does he keep it in plain view of the whole neighborhood? Is he trying to scare off criminals? Is he really a ninja who keeps the monkey because of the Ninja-Monkey conspiracy? Does he intend to release this monkey to wreak havoc on the entire city? Is he trying to bring about the Planet of the Apes?

What should I do about this monkey? Should I just ignore it, or take Frank's advice and eliminate it?

Typo correction: Monkey, not money

Where can I get 24 hr coverage of the muslims rioting in Phrance. I don't know why it cracks me up, it just does. With both the muslims and riot police being Phrench, I know at some point they're going to come within 100 yards of each other, both groups will throw up their hands at the same time, then they'll run in opposite directions shouting rude comments at each other.

What are your thoughts on SCOTUS nominees with possible Mob ties?

What is the square root of Orange?

when will the internet be run by monkeys instead of these stupid politicians? excuse my spelling i am running on 2 hours of sleep. thank you.

So, when will the token Jew post again?

When the hell will someone make a chipper with a chute big enough for commie skulls?

So far I have to smash them with a sledgehammer 1st (to make them fit) and that's just too much effort to expend on them.

They suck up enough of it already through the IRS.

What does the A in IMAO stand for?

The Chinese are willing to pay top dollar for ground up endagered animals. Should the US go out and sell some to China to help balance the budget?

When will the Fed stop raising rates, and what will that do to the dollar?

Why is Laurie Dhue on Fox so hot, but Helen Thomas makes me cringe?

Dr. Ducky,

Deep Theological question:

If I keep taking the name of Gosh in vain, will he Darn me to Heck?

Dear Dr. Duck,
Why does my defective Siamese, Bob, keep falling into the bathtub?

Dear Dr Duck.

I feel good, what's wrong with me? Will al the hungry people out there and the food stamp people keep having too much money in their budgets! Yet I feel good.

Why do birds suddenly appear everytime you draw near?

When they ship styrofoam, what do they pack it in?

Cats always land on their feet, and bread always lands butter side down. So what happens if you butter a piece of bread, strap it securely to the back of a cat with the butter side up, and drop the whole assembly off the top of a tall building?

Why is it that when a whacko-liberal is trying to make a point about the "rest of the world" what they really mean is "a chunk of Europe I choose to like despite ignoring their outlandish unemployment and terrible economic status"? What happened to Africa and Asia in liberal education?

If I don't remember to drink responsibly, then is everything else considered drinking irresponsibly?

Why can't I stop playing World of Warcraft?

Dear Dr. Duck,

Were you country when country wasn't cool?

Dr. Duck: My girlfriend says she wants aural sex from me, or something like that. I don't think it'll fit in either one. Will olive oil help, or maybe baby oil? I already know not to use Crisco, 'cause that stuff is shortening.

Why, with all the birds everywhere, do you rarely see a dead bird? Or squirrels, too, for that matter.
Are the Donks eating them before they're even cold?

Dear Dr. Duck,

I've noticed that people on the West Coast are obsessed with cleanliness. What can I do to make sure my next roommates don't mind the raccoons pawing through garbage in my room?

Dr. Duck,

Can we help this guy with his ninja problem?

How much money do I really save by switching my car insurance to Gieco?

Dear Ducky,

If Barbie is so popular, why do we have to buy friends for her?

Dear Dr Ducky:

How is it I can leave a liberal administration under Bill Clinton and land myself in an even worse liberal administration under New Zealand Prime Minister Helen Clark? And how is it that New Zealanders can't figure out it's a liberal administration - despite the legalization of prostitution and gay marriage - and vote her out? And why the hell has the New Zealand government hijacked my passport for two years???

-A Yank who fears lefties are trying to corrupt him.

Why are there cats on this dopey blog? Why isn't the blog as funny as it once was, is it the cats?

Dr. Ducky,

With the unfortunate burning of the Handicapped frenchie by "Youths", I have been pondering my protection in case Extremist "Youths" riot because the local Costco is out of Pita.

Should I have my Prosthetist make me a concealed holster in my fake leg in case some "Youth" tries to set my car on fire?