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January 02, 2006
Frank J.'s 100% Guaranteed 2006 Predictions
Posted by Frank J. at 08:38 AM | View blog reactions | Comments (10)

Yeah, so I've already had one day of 2006 to collect data unlike other predictors, but that will just make mine all the more accurate.


* Not sure how long or when until the death toll in Iraq reaches the next big round number of 3,000, the ghoulish left will now make a big deal anytime the number killed in Iraq is a prime number.

* As more heavily Democratic cities like New Orleans are hit with huge, natural disasters, the idea that President Bush has a weather machine will move from theory to accepted fact to be feared.

* Many of the Democratic Party's base will turn against the hawkish Joe Lieberman, but they will be no match for Joe-mentum which will kill thousands and leave Lieberman ruling the Democratic Party with an iron fist.

* The temperatures this year, whether hot, cold, or lukewarm, will be hailed as proof of global warming.

* Michael Moore's next movie will be pushed back a year when, unable to wait ten minutes for his assistant to bring back McDonalds, he will eat the first cut.

* According to inside sources, lots of information will be leaked this next year.

* In November, the Republicans will once again add to their majorities in the House and Senate. Having gone bankrupt and unable to pay its bookies, the Democratic Party will have its thumbs broken by the Mafia.

* The majority of the audience for DailyKos.com and DemocraticUnderground.com will become psychologists writing papers on mental breakdowns.

* Blogs will mobilize against the growing threat to their power: podcasts. Most will dismiss them since they don't even own an iPod.

* Due to decreasing audiences for the MSM, they will completely cut their budget for reporting and just make stuff up or report on what they read off the 'net... unless that's already happened.

* Due to the increasing popularity of suicide bombings, they will cease to exist.

* In a new compromise, the Palestinians will finally be given a state. Its location will greatly anger research scientists and penguins. Morgan Freeman will narrate the new arrangement.

* As the popularity of freedom increases in the Middle East, the Europeans will consider having freedoms themselves. Freedom will be rejected, though, in favor of a 30 hour work week.

* North Korea will develop nuclear weapons and destroy themselves in an attempted attack on South Korea. The last intercepted transmission out of the country will be: "What Korea are we again?"

* China will continue to supply us with cheap merchandise while secretly plotting our demise.

* I will be able to cut and paste the previous bullet point for predictions for the next ten years.

* The IMAO team will become rich and famous in 2006, get high on our success, and then burnout, blaming each other and finally splitting up. Cadet Happy's solo album will be the only individual success, though he will be pretending to be me.

* Tickets for our reunion tour in December are on sale now.

Rating: 2.3/5 (13 votes cast)

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