The National Enquirer is reporting that Ted Kennedy might have a “love child.” Whoa, if there’s anything more disgusting than imagining Ted Kennedy in the Senate – I’d have to say it’s imagining Ted Kennedy having sex. You may now set your brain on fire.

According to the article, the child would now be 21 years old. This prompts a few questions from this blogger: What was this woman thinking? What was this woman thinking? And – oh yeah – WHAT WAS THIS WOMAN THINKING?

Another question that comes to mind is: when this kid was growing up – did he KNOW who his father was? And if he didn’t – then – hold on to your chair – how do we know that WE aren’t Teddy Kennedy’s love children?

That’s where Ducky comes to the rescue.

The "Are You A Ted Kennedy Love Child?" Quiz.

Think back to your childhood and answer these questions honestly.

1. When you sat on the cool, cool grass in your backyard, looking up at the night sky, what did you ask yourself?

A. What makes the stars shine?
B. Is the moon made out of cheese?
C. Is Roe V. Wade really “settled law”.

2. When I was growing up, I longed to join:

A. The Boy Scouts
B. The circus
C. The local union

3. Late at night, when the house was quiet and I was still awake, my greatest fear was:

A. A burglar
B. Monsters in the closet
C. Wal-Mart

4. When snuggled up by the fireplace and reading a good childrens' book, my favorite drink was:

A. Hot Cocoa
B. Apple Juice
C. Beer

5. My favorite childhood toy was:

A. My race car
B. My choo-train
C. My Beer

6. Elmo was my favorite stuffed toy because…

A. I liked Sesame Street
B. Elmo was cute and cuddly
C. Elmo was chosen through affirmative action

7. My favorite action figure was:

A. G.I. Joe
B. Superman
C. Jimmy Carter

8. When mommy and daddy talked about the upcoming family reunion, they were talking about going to:

A. A restaurant where we’d sit in a big banquet room
B. Picnics in the park on Sunday.
C. A rape trial

9. When my family asks me, “What does it mean to enunciate?” I answer:

A. “Separate each syllable as best I can”
B. “Speak slowly and clearly”
C. “wha jyou meeeen I huvhuvhub to shssssssssssspk anan an whu?”

10. Growing up I always wanted to be:

A. G.I. Joe
B. Superman
C. Jimmy Carter

**

How do you feel you did? Well, around here – we ain’t Democrats so we’re going to actually have to COUNT the points.

Scoring:
1 point for each A answer
2 points for each B answer.
3 points for each C answer.

10-12 points. It’s pretty safe that you aren’t Ted Kennedy’s kid. I’d say you had a typical childhood.

13-20 points. Probably not a Love Child, but it wouldn’t hurt you to get a little bit of therapy on the side.

21 – 28 points. You might consider getting tested. Consider collecting some Teddy saliva for DNA testing. If he won’t give it to you, go to his next speech and try to sit in the first three rows.

30 points. I’m sorry but jyou meeeen I huvhuvhub to shssssssssssspk anan an whu?

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