(A Filthy Lie)

After being discovered in Los Angeles surrounded by a pile of recently-sacrificed hobos, Glenn Reynolds underwent a DNA test to see if he was the real killer.

Well, you KNOW what happens to DNA evidence in trials for murders committed in California, so Glenn walked, based on the fact that his hobo-murdering gloves were two sizes too small.

Ah, the power of washing things in hot water.

Nevertheless, I *did* manage to get ahold of a copy of the lab report on Glenn's DNA, from which I compiled (in the extended entry) these:

While most humans have 98% of their DNA in common with a chimp, Glenn is 99% poodle.

Glenn's DNA will begin robot dancing if exposed to pure commie evil and/or Ted Kennedy.

Glenn's DNA was once shot a man for snoring too loud.

Remember that mobile weapons lab they found in Iraq? It was used for manufacturing Glenn's DNA.

Most people have Adenine, Guanine, Cytosine, and Thymine making up their DNA sequences. Glenn has Iodine, Einsteinium, Nitrogen, and Dysprosium, with the most common sequence being "I-N-D-E-E-D".

If Glenn's DNA bites you, you will start blogging by the next full moon.

If you're already a blogger, you will launch a blog ad consortium called "Lingerie Media" which people will make fun of.

Glenn's DNA made a cameo appearance during the Cantina scene in Star Wars. Look closely while Luke is talking to the bartender.

Glenn's DNA is used as currency in Iraq, although they pronounce it "dinar".

DNA tests prove that Glenn Reynolds and Michele Malkin are identical twins, but in an Arnold Shwarzenegger & Danny DeVito kinda way.

The secret ingredient in Underdog's "Super Energy Vitamin Pill" was Glenn's DNA. How's that for irony?

Traces of Glenn's DNA were found all over New Orleans, leading to speculation that Hurricane Katrina was caused by Glenn's typing too fast.

Glenn's DNA shows scars from where he had the "basic human decency" gene surgically removed.

Extensive testing on Glenn's DNA reveals that he's the real father of all those creepy "Village of the Damned" kids.

Glenn's DNA is featured prominently in the "Organic Chemistry Gone Wild: Spring Break" DVD.

Glenn's DNA released a rap album under the name "Vanilla Splice".

Injections of Glenn's DNA will cause a laboratory rat to grow inside a cancerous tumor.

If you're attacked by Glenn's DNA, point behind it and shout, "Look! An unlinked Ann Althouse post!". Flee when it turns to look.

Due to a defect in the 23rd chromosome, Glenn's DNA can NOT be trained to walk down stairs like a Slinky.

"What walks down stairs, alone or in pairs, and makes a slinkity sound?"... GAH! Now I can't get that stupid song out of my head!

Glenn's DNA always cries at the end of "Old Yeller".

Oh, wait... that's for Kennedys.

Nevermind.

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Filthy Lies
~Totally True Tidbits
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