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February 08, 2006
SOTU-safe T-shirt
(A Precision Guided Humor Assignment) During Bush's State of the Union Address, Gold-Star Mother and crazed anti-war activist Cindy Sheehan was kicked out of the event for wearing a T-shirt that said "2245 Dead -- How Many More?". Meanwhile, Beverly Young - wife of Congressman C.W. Bill Young, (R-Florida) - was given the boot for wearing a T-shirt that said "Support the Troops Defending Our Freedom." Let's see, can't oppose the war... can't support the war... surely there's SOME t-shirt that's non-controversial enough to not get you kicked out of the SOTU address... Maybe this Fun Cat Trivia T-shirt... * Cats have 18 toes - 5 on each front paw, 4 on each back. If your cat has 19 toes, that means it's male and you're an idiot. * White cats with blue eyes are deaf. White cats with one blue eye are deaf in one ear. White cats with glowing red eyes are witches. Drown them in holy water. * A cat's normal body temperature is 102° F. unless it's trapped under a pile of burning books, in which case it's 451° F * Cats have no eyelashes, so don't be suckered into buying Maybelline's "Catscara". * Cats are colorblind and thus oppose Affirmative Action quotas. * A cat can jump 7 times as high as it is tall, which impresses everyone except Chuck Norris. * Cats can survive falls from great heights because their paw pads are made from the same material as Roger Rabbit's head. * An adult cat blinks an average of three times per minute - about the same rate that Ted Kennedy drinks. * Some common household objects are fatal to cats, like Tylenol, philodendron plants, anti-freeze, and bullets. * Cats have A, B, and O blood types, just like people, which makes them good bait for vampire traps. * Cats don't think of themselves as little people, they think of people as large cats. Therefore, in order to establish your dominance over them, you should pee on your cat's head every so often. * A cat's fur has a thick undercoat which causes it to make the same sound as a baby harp seal when you club it. * To a cat, litter-box-filler appears to have the same texture as Rice Krispies. Protect your breakfast accordingly. * The average cat has 40 whiskers, or 10 more than Frank J. * Catnip has the same effect on cats as marijuana does on human beings. The feline equivlent of Pink Floyd and Twinkies is still, as yet, unknown. Of course, if you're LOOKING to get booted from the SOTU, try: "A Danish newspaper published my Muhammed cartoon and all I got was this lousy fatwa." 2 Responses To "SOTU-safe T-shirt"
*snort* The average cat has 40 whiskers, or 10 more than Frank J. I pity the folicaly impaired. No wait, whats that word... ridicule! That's it. I ridicule the folicaly impaired! #1 - Posted by: GEBIV on February 9, 2006 01:11 PMNot all blue-eyed white cats are deaf, but certainly a good number are. Same with odd-eyed whites. And, yes -- it's genetically linked. #2 - Posted by: Omnibus Driver on February 9, 2006 05:01 PMPost a comment
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