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February 14, 2006
In My World: Quailgate
"As we all know now," White House Press Secretary Scott McClellan said, "Cheney was involved in a hunting accident and..." "Why are we being told of this now?" screamed one reporter. "This happened twenty-four hours ago! Why weren't we the first to know?" "It was decided that..." "How could we be scooped by some local rag called the Corpus Christi Caller-Times?" shouted another reporter. "We're the White House Press Corp! We're supposed to know everything first!" "I think you all are over reacting to..." "Now I find out that even some podunk hospital - a hospital - knew about this before me... ME! David Gregory!" David Gregory screeched. "I want the Vice President impeached for this!" "Let's all just take a breath and... Eep!" Scott ducked behind his podium as the press charged him. He could feel the podium trying to be ripped away as one reporter yelled, "Press mad! Press smash!" Then some loud footsteps were heard. Off to the side stood Dick Cheney who took a swig of a whiskey bottle before tossing it away. He then gripped his pump-action shotgun with both hands and fired into the press, knocking them down. "I just shot the press, press," Cheney told the press, "and you're the first to know." He chambered another round. "Any questions?" 15 Responses To "In My World: Quailgate"
Excellent! Now, if that'd only happen in the real world... :) #1 - Posted by: Sque on February 14, 2006 09:06 AMInteresting post at matermusings including some reasons why the White House wouldn't be in a hurry to feed anyone to the sharks that infest the White house Press pool. #2 - Posted by: seanmhair on February 14, 2006 09:30 AMIf only. If only. I'd love to see McClellan snap one day and start pumping round after round into the self-righteous, left biased, traitorous press corps. I mean... he's just expressing his rage. I'd say it'd be a case for free speech. I'm sure Gonzales and Alito would back him up. #3 - Posted by: DesertElephant on February 14, 2006 09:55 AMThe only problem here is that a shotgun wouldn't be sufficant for dealing with the press. Personally, I'd choose an M60. #4 - Posted by: Wofman Dan on February 14, 2006 10:14 AMM60 nothin! Miniguns all around :-D #5 - Posted by: z on February 14, 2006 10:34 AMThis sounds like a job for Chomps. Just to be safe, when I stubbed my toe this morning, I immediately called David Gregory. I wouldn't want to be impeached, or anything.... (and, at the mention of Chomps, the obligatory - "bring back the Chomps t-shirt"!) #6 - Posted by: Master Shake on February 14, 2006 11:00 AMWhy does David Gregory have two first names but no last name? Inquiring minds want to know! "I just shot the press, press, and you're the first to know." Great! #7 - Posted by: Silicon Valley Jim on February 14, 2006 11:22 AMDesert Elephant said it best...IF ONLY...*sigh* ...and I agree with Master Shake on Chomps' role here, he would have gone mad with the scent of bloody wounds in the reporting crowd and torn the place up...new T-shirts all around!!! #8 - Posted by: sarasmom on February 14, 2006 12:35 PMI think he should've used one of the BFGs that I'm certain he has access to. #9 - Posted by: Luke on February 14, 2006 01:37 PMI distinctly remember flipping the channel over, seeing the story about the accident and thinking "Oh God! Somehow I've fallen into Frank's World!" I also remember wondering how long it would be until I saw the quail hunting scene from Wedding Crashers with photoshopped faces..... #10 - Posted by: Tristan on February 14, 2006 03:14 PMYou know the press has really messed this up...I mean...just think of the people that Cheney could have taken hunting next - Like "Herself" for example! But NOOOOOOO! The press has now ruined everything!!! Bad Press Press! #11 - Posted by: USS Jimmy Carter "Attack" Submarine on February 14, 2006 04:05 PMIt's spelt "corps," Frank. A "corp" is short for "corporation," like Halliburton. IT'S ALL ABOUT TEH OIL!!! #12 - Posted by: Damian G. on February 14, 2006 09:53 PMI'm still reeling at the self-importance the media has. The appropriate folks that needed to be informed of the incident, i.e. the Authorities and MEDICAL Personnel were informed. Cheney had no reason to tell the media a damned thing, whether it was that day or 24 hours later. Like the entry states, they were just pissed about being scooped by a small town newspaper, in TEXAS of all places. Couldn't stand it being published in a paper that could potentially give the Veep a fair shake rathr than creating a DNC talking point. Wankers all! I agree we should nuke the moon, but send the press corps there a few days in advance, could ya? #13 - Posted by: DesertElephant on February 15, 2006 08:14 AMI don't think you can kill the press with conventional weapons. They'll just melt into a metal liquid and reform as even more reporters. #14 - Posted by: Joe on February 18, 2006 01:22 AMThat is brilliant!! Hope ya don't mind, but I'm most definitely going to attempt a flash animation of this.... >D Post a comment
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