About IMAO



Giving money to Frank J. makes you happy!


Buy funniest book ever!





IMAO Podcasts
IMAO Merchandise and Newsletter

Cool shirts, mugs, stickers, and what-not!

About IMAO
Then conquer we must, for our cause is just, 
And this be our motto--'In God is our trust.' 
And the star-spangled banner in triumph doth wave 
O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave.


If you want to send something by snail mail, e-mail with subject "P.O. Box" to get mail information for Frank J. and SarahK.

About Frank J.

Bloggers:
Frank J.
Harvey
RightWingDuck
Cadet Happy
spacemonkey
Laurence Simon
SarahK

Popular Categories
Fred Thompson Facts
John Edwards Fabulous Facts
lolterizt
IMAO Condensed
Know Thy Enemy
Editorials
Frank the Artist
In My World
Other Content
Ode to Violence
Brief Histories
IMAO Audio Bits


Read the Essay
Own the Shirt
Peace Gallery
Search IMAO
Google
Web www.imao.us
Testimonials
"All quotes attributed to me on IMAO are made up... including this one."
-Glenn Reynolds

"Unfunny treasonous ronin!"
-Lou Tulio*

"You, sir, are a natural born killer."
-E. Harrington

"You'll never get my job! Never!!!"
-Jonah Goldberg

"In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth. And He did despair, for in His omniscience, He did know that His creations had but three-fifths of the splendor of that which would be IMAO."
-No One of Consequence

"A blogger with a sense of humor."
-Some Woman on MSNBC
Blogroll
Ace of Spades HQ
The Anti-Idiotarian Rottweiler
Blackfive
Captain's Quarters
Classical Values
Conservative Grapevine
The Corner
The Daily Gut (with Jim Treacher!)
Dave in Texas
Eject! Eject! Eject!
Electric Venom
Hot Air
Puppy Blender
La Shawn Barber's Corner
Michelle Malkin
Pereiraville
Protein Wisdom
Rachel Lucas
Right Wing News
Scrappleface
Serenity's Journal
Townhall Blog

IMAO Blogroll
Bad Example
Cadet Happy
The Flying Space Monkey Chronicles
mountaineer musings
Right Wing Duck
SarahK & Cadet Happy snark TV
This Blog Is Full of Crap

Fred Thompson Links
Fred File
Blogs for Fred
Fred Thompson Facts
Awards



 

February 21, 2006
Super Happy Fun Partial Birth Abortion FAQ!
Posted by Frank J. at 12:23 PM | View blog reactions | Comments (52)

The Supreme Court is going to take another look at the Constitutionality of bans on partial birth abortion (I guess the new press preferred term is now "a type of late-term abortion"). To help in everyone's understand of the issue (and IMAO is nothing if not a tool for education) I've gotten a doctor who performs late-term abortions to answer questions about this controversy.

THE SUPER HAPPY FUN PARTIAL BIRTH ABORTION FAQ

Q. Critics call it partial birth abortion. Is that name accurate?
A. The actual medical term for this procedure is "Dilation and Extraction" or simply D&X. The term "partial-birth abortion" was manufactured by opponents of women's health in an attempts to create controversy about the simple procedure of partially delivering a baby and sucking its brains out.

Q. Why don't you call it "brain sucking abortion" instead of D&X?
A. Because that's not medical sounding. Sucking out a baby's brains is a complicated process and requires a complicated name.

Q. Don't babies need brains?
A. It considers what purpose you have in mind for said babies.

Q. Does sucking out a baby's brains cause the baby pain?
A. No. The baby would be too distracted from the pain of being stabbed in the head with scissors (used to make the needed hole in the head) to notice the start of the suction.

Q. How was this procedure invented?
A. A doctor was once watching a horror movie in which aliens attacked earth and sucked people's brains out. He then said, "Hey! We could do that to babies!" I think his name was Steve.

Q. Since the whole body is already out, why not just pull the head out and deliver the baby?
A. For one thing, that defeats the whole point of an abortion. Also, about any doctor could do that, so I simply couldn't charge as much for that procedure. Finally, if I'm just delivering babies, what in the world am I supposed to do with the brain sucking device I spent good money on?

Q. Why not fully deliver the baby and then suck out the brains?
A. Babies that have been fully delivered tend to squirm more and also make more noise. Beyond the practical considerations, though, it's only legally considered an "abortion" if the brains are sucked out while the baby is still partially in the mother. Otherwise, it's "infanticide" which is frowned upon in some cultures.

Q. Do you favor legalizing infanticide?
A. Absolutely not. Then if would be perfectly legal to throw live babies in dumpsters, and it's not like I can charge a high fee for that either.

Q. Some people say it's morally wrong to suck out a baby's brains. What do you say to that?
A. Then why does it feel so right?

Q. I thought the whole point of sucking out the brain matter was to collapse the skull and make the dead fetus easier to deliver, especially in cases of hydrocephalus?
A. Hey, if you want the skull collapsed, that costs extra. The base cost just covers sucking out the brains. Look at the fine print.

Q. Opponents to D&X say that the procedure it never needed to protect a mother's health. What are your views on this?
A. I think that misses the entire point. Whether to have your baby's brains sucked out is a personal choice that should be left between a woman and her doctor. Some say it should be between a woman and her doctor and God, but He tends to be judgmental on these sorts of things and is best left out of the loop. Actually, if He asks, say you had a miscarriage. He might not buy that being this so late in the pregnancy, but it's worth a shot. Whatever you tell Him, though, don't mention my name.

Q. Should the baby have any say in this?
A. It won't after its brains have been sucked out.

Q. Are you ever afraid of being attacked by anti-abortion extremists?
A. If anyone ever tries to blow up my clinic, my staff will hold him down and I'll suck out his brains. I even have a sign out front that says so.

Q. How did you ever get into this line of work in the first place?
A. I've never liked babies (probably goes back to that time I was in a nursery and a pack of them jumped me and stole my wallet), so it just fit. Also, the DeBrainer 2000 salesman was really pushy, and, once you have a brain suction device, what else are you going to do with it?

Q. What are your views on the Constitutionality of D&X?
A. I truly believe that the right to suck the brains out of babies is Constitutionally protected. Admittedly, it's not in there explicitly, but you gotta read between the lines on that document. Don't just take my word for it, though; go read the Fourteenth Amendment over and over and soon you'll start thinking of sucking out brains.

Rating: 3.3/5 (9 votes cast)

Best of IMAO 2006
Email This | Add to del.icio.us | Digg this | StumbleUpon Toolbar Stumble It!
 

Buy IMAO T-Shirts


IMAO T-Shirts

The IMAO T-Shirt Babe
(winning picture) YOU BUY NEW SHIRTS NOW!!!
Yay! Books!





Capitalism
Archives
By Category
24
American Idol
Aqua-Adventures
Barackalypse Now
Best of IMAO 2002
Best of IMAO 2006
Bite-Sized Wisdom
Editorials
Election 2008
Filthy Lies
Frank Answers
Frank Discussions
Frank on Guns
Frank Reads the Bible
Frank the Artist
Fred Thompson Facts
Friday Cat-Blogging
Fun Trivia
Hellbender
Hellbender Take Two
Hillary Clinton Terrible Truths
Humor
I Hate Frank
If I Were President
ignis fatuous
IMAO Condensed
IMAO Exclusives
IMAO for the Non-Deaf
IMAO Reviews
IMAO Think Tank
In My World
In My World - Fan Fiction
John Edwards Fabulous Facts
Know Thy Enemy
lolterizt
Michael Moore
Mitt Romney Ads
News Round-Up
Newsish Fakery
No, McCain't
Our Military
Permalink Contest
Precision Guided Humor Assignments
Ron Paul, Ron Paul, Ron Paul
Ronin Profiles
Ronin Thought of the Day
SarahK's TV stuff
Scary Evil Monkey
Simpsons Trivia
Songs & Poems
State of the Frank Report
Superego
Totally True Tidbits
WEsistance Is Facile
Why Me Laugh?
Yvonne's Ashes
By Month
December 2008
September 2008
August 2008
July 2008
June 2008
May 2008
April 2008
March 2008
February 2008
January 2008
December 2007
November 2007
October 2007
September 2007
August 2007
July 2007
June 2007
May 2007
April 2007
March 2007
February 2007
January 2007
December 2006
November 2006
October 2006
September 2006
August 2006
July 2006
June 2006
May 2006
April 2006
March 2006
February 2006
January 2006
December 2005
November 2005
October 2005
September 2005
August 2005
July 2005
June 2005
May 2005
April 2005
March 2005
February 2005
January 2005
December 2004
November 2004
October 2004
September 2004
August 2004
July 2004
June 2004
May 2004
April 2004
March 2004
February 2004
January 2004
December 2003
November 2003
October 2003
September 2003
August 2003
July 2003
June 2003
May 2003
April 2003
March 2003
February 2003
January 2003
December 2002
November 2002
October 2002
September 2002
August 2002
July 2002
March 1933